this post was submitted on 09 Jan 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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[–] [email protected] 24 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Imagine being the first one to use a fresh porta potty. No smell, other than that blue chemical water down at the bottom. It's so damn clean.

"Great!" you exclaim with excitement. So you sit down on that smooth dry toilet seat and, relaxing, a tremendous donker just falls right out of you.

The mass is too great. The distance. The speed and acceleration. It isn't even a second of time, but you know. You know.

GaTHUNK

A cold blue kiss races towards the moon. A moon so relaxed the single crater yawns beckoningly wide. The kiss forms into a dull spear, racing towards the darkened maw. It enters beyond the shadow. Fully into the heavenly body. Cold meets heat.

You yelp in shock. There is cold artificially blue water deep in your butthole. The sudden tension passes and as your muscles relax again, some of that cold drains back down to earth. A light shower.

You were looking forward to this festival all year and you spend the entire time distractedly thinking in shame about how something so fortuitous turned to disaster in moments. You didn't bring a change of underwear. Why would you?

[–] flambonkscious 2 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Thanks, that was a great read...

I sorta feel the need to scrape myself clean after, but it was worth it

[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 months ago

This actually happened to me. I spent the whole day imagining how blue my ass was, too distracted to truly enjoy myself. Obviously I told everyone because I also thought it was funny but.... UGH

[–] [email protected] 23 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Wasn't this basically the original f7u12 rage comic?

[–] [email protected] 13 points 7 months ago (1 children)

It weird to think just how much prominent internet culture originated on 4chan in the earlier days of memes

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago

It's the advantage of barely moderated places like that, fosters creativity since anything goes. But then again, anything goes is also a big downside.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Inside? Are you gaping? 😂

[–] [email protected] 9 points 7 months ago (1 children)

If the turd is big enough to cause the water to splash up your butt, it's probably also big enough to leave you wide open.

[–] Scubus 5 points 7 months ago

Vulnerable yes, sphincterless no

[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 months ago

i mean he just took a shit

[–] [email protected] 14 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Get rekt you non-bidet having fucks

[–] Assman 9 points 7 months ago

Bidet? I'm not some weirdo European. Anyway, time to smear dry paper on my ass crack and then go about my day.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 7 months ago (2 children)

"Hate it? I go out of my way to have it happen!"

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Why stop at posiden's kiss when you can have posiden's piss

[–] [email protected] 6 points 7 months ago

Poseidon's power washer

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago

I pressure wash my prostate because it feels nice.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 7 months ago

Oh a good old Poseidon's kiss...

[–] [email protected] 7 points 7 months ago
[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 months ago

And it’s always non-consensual

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Basket Case is such an underrated series. 🙏

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 months ago

URLs with an ampersand break badly, try rehosting it somewhere like catbox.moe

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago

i...inside? 😵‍💫

[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 months ago

That's why I prefer the flat flushing type.