this post was submitted on 26 Dec 2023
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Also, the Jewish God and Muslim Allah are on the International Space Station.

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[–] [email protected] 83 points 8 months ago (3 children)

This is a parody account, right? Right?

[–] [email protected] 35 points 8 months ago (1 children)

It must be there’s no way this is real.

Oh dip, nice username

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[–] [email protected] 62 points 8 months ago

God: All knowing and all powerful But wait, satellites, oh no!

Bulletproof logic

[–] [email protected] 58 points 8 months ago (1 children)

National Association of Satan's Atheists, or NASA.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I'm proud to be one of Satan's Atheists, but we're actually international now. We've got a chapter in Manchester.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 8 months ago

Yes that's the INASA.

[–] [email protected] 52 points 8 months ago (2 children)

"Satellites block God's ability to watch us"

The omniscient, omnipotent god is defeated by a piece of space trash? What a rip-off.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 8 months ago (5 children)

Same God that 'decided' a year shouldn't land on a whole day. Threw in that .25 for shits and giggles.

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[–] BananaPeal 51 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (8 children)

This is the right amount of crazy that I'm not sure if it's honest or parody for this country.

Also: Jesus gets my prayers because he's in my heart, checkmate atheists.

[–] [email protected] 37 points 8 months ago

Your cardiologist would like a word about having a 2,000 year old corpse in your heart.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)

This is the right amount of crazy to accidentally become real.

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[–] [email protected] 35 points 8 months ago (2 children)

Funny how this is a Twitter post as half of all satellites orbiting earth (5581 out of 11300) are owned by Musk.

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[–] [email protected] 34 points 8 months ago (2 children)

Isn't God supposed to be all-powerful and omnipotent?

[–] [email protected] 24 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

That should tell you just how serious this issue with satellites is...

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[–] [email protected] 30 points 8 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 17 points 8 months ago

All prayers are being converted to "bring back Evel Knievel." We really want him back.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 8 months ago (6 children)

This is either (1) satire, (2) trolling, or (3) someone who has no real grasp of Christianity. Or some combination of the above.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 8 months ago (6 children)

(4) Protestants doing an unholy amalgamation of Catholic spirituality and Rational Scientific Inquiry to reach absurdist conclusions at their intersection.

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[–] [email protected] 29 points 8 months ago (37 children)

Satan wins again. At this point the Christians have to admit they chose the losing side.

I mean this God of theirs is shit, can't even get around satellites, didn't think humans might beat their cocks raw despite seeing it constantly in Human 1.0 (Chimps), or that they might eat fish on a Tuesday or whatever. Even Jesus was fucking a whore and he was God incarnate.

Also God invented Cancer.

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[–] [email protected] 27 points 8 months ago (1 children)

All those prayers from soccer fans for their team to win the World Cup were being intercepted all along 😥

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[–] matlag 21 points 8 months ago (2 children)

I kind of hope it's real. Down that path at some point they'll decide the whole Internet and all modern technologies are satanist and leave Internet for good. They can embrace the Amish lifestyle, it's a win for the rest of us.

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[–] 768 20 points 8 months ago (3 children)

That sounds like the story of those Christians who were afraid of lightning rods because it might interfere with their God's ability to punish people by lightning.

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 8 months ago

Ok everyone stop upvoting and downvoting. We’ve reached the perfect score.

[–] Ghyste 19 points 8 months ago

Is this a parody account? It's impossible to tell anymore.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 8 months ago

Let's detonate the moon since it's the biggest satellite

[–] [email protected] 19 points 8 months ago

I did the research. It is satire. They wished everyone a Merry Eaglemas this week.

This is a funny one.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 8 months ago

It's a good job they haven't heard of ceilings yet. 😅

[–] [email protected] 18 points 8 months ago

The Jews TM are using iron dome to shoot down christian prayers before they reach heaven.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 8 months ago (2 children)

C'mon, the picture is clearly ironic

Don't be so serious about it

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 8 months ago

Just imagine Jesus up in space bouncing from satellite to satellite getting all pissed off cause he just wants to get to earth and get this second coming shit over with so he can go back to heaven and bang some angels.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I don't know what's real anymore...

[–] [email protected] 16 points 8 months ago

I honestly have no idea if this is satire and I'm afraid of the answer

[–] [email protected] 13 points 8 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 8 months ago

The all-powerful all-knowing Creator Of The Universe... needs little old ladies to at least once a week open up their pocketbooks and make a check out to The Creator, through His official human regional managers, because The Creator Of The Universe... does not have direct access to the Federal Reserve or any of the banks, and even with a constant stream of revenue from little old ladies AND a privileged tax status, He ALWAYS seems to be bitching and whining about how He. Needs. More. Money! I guess?

[–] [email protected] 12 points 8 months ago

I want what this guy smoking. Their angels need to go flight school again.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 8 months ago (2 children)

Since when does God live in space? He lives in the cloud since the people who invented christianity where morrons who didn't know any better like Everyone in that time period. So now suddenly they accepted space and that God moved over there over 2000+ years living in the clouds, on a planet that is millions of years old.

Special people.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 8 months ago (1 children)

He lives in the cloud?

No wonder he always seems to need money. His AWS bills must be enormous.

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 8 months ago

It isn't a coincidence that's lemmy is keeping the upvote number at the "mark of the beast".

[–] [email protected] 10 points 8 months ago (1 children)

They say as they post from a mobile device providing internet connection via a satellite.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 8 months ago (3 children)

Wait, really? I just assumed it went from my phone to the tower, and then all solid wires from there.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 8 months ago (2 children)

Generally, you use the radio network from mobile phone to cell tower, and then fibre optic to the switches. Sometimes they use microwave line of sight for surface-to-surface connections where fibre doesn't make sense, or is unviable (terrain, distance, cost, difficulty of laying fibre, etc.). It's possible that there could be a satellite connection in the process, but unlikely unless you're on an airplane, a ship, etc.

The GPS on the mobile phone definitely does use satellite (receive only though, no transmit).

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 8 months ago

We need to ban prayer to prevent Kessler syndrome!

[–] [email protected] 9 points 8 months ago (2 children)

If prayers were detectable, interceptable, and alterable, there'd be entire branches of science dedicated to them.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)

God's some real weak mofo if he can be defeated by satellites.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 8 months ago

Conveniently forgetting the "God exists within all of us" schpiel that they made up as soon as we went to space and found nothing there.

Definitely either parody or very stupid.

[–] BigDanishGuy 9 points 8 months ago

So NASA is using the Jewish space lasers to destroy prayers? Those heathens!

[–] [email protected] 8 points 8 months ago (2 children)

This isn't real, right? RIGHT!?

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