this post was submitted on 01 Sep 2023
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Programmer Humor

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[–] [email protected] 258 points 11 months ago (8 children)

I forked an opensource project to add a couple features for my wife. 😊

[–] [email protected] 133 points 11 months ago (1 children)

And? Did she accept your, err, pull request? 😏

[–] [email protected] 85 points 11 months ago (8 children)
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[–] [email protected] 36 points 11 months ago

This is the kind of love I need in life πŸ’œ

So cute! And practical!

[–] [email protected] 32 points 11 months ago (1 children)

For half a second I read this as "to add a couple of features to my wife"

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[–] [email protected] 212 points 11 months ago (4 children)

"Girl, I named no variables after you, because you're my only Constant"

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[–] [email protected] 166 points 11 months ago (2 children)

You can also combine your names into a Linux distribution.

Deb + Ian = Debian.

[–] [email protected] 42 points 11 months ago (2 children)

I bet they've broken up since

[–] [email protected] 98 points 11 months ago (2 children)

The word "Debian" was formed as a portmanteau of the first name of his then-girlfriend (later ex-wife) Debra Lynn and his own first name

Wiki

[–] mindbleach 55 points 11 months ago (1 children)

"Later ex-wife" is like three tenses of information at once.

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[–] [email protected] 36 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (2 children)

Debra must be so pissed by now

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[–] cantstopthesignal 140 points 11 months ago (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 32 points 11 months ago

For being a sick burn, that was ice cold. I love it.

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[–] ArbitraryValue 139 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (4 children)

Once when I was still a kid, I told a woman I loved her so much that I could only love her more if she was a robot.

She did not think that was romantic.

[–] UnRelatedBurner 53 points 11 months ago (1 children)

there are so many things wrong with this

[–] [email protected] 44 points 11 months ago (2 children)

I think it's kinda sweet for a kid. I mean what's cooler than a robot when you're 7? that's pretty much the pinnicle of "cool" at that age, or at least it was for me. So to compare a crush to a robot for a kid is similar to shakespear comparing thier lover to "a summer's day" or Selena Gomez comparing thier lover to "a love song"

[–] ArbitraryValue 57 points 11 months ago (4 children)

I, uh, wasn't 7. I was about 10 years older than that and just dumb.

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[–] [email protected] 103 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I was thinking about you when I cleaned up this codebase and removed a lot of redundant functions.

[–] [email protected] 39 points 11 months ago (2 children)

That sounds more like breaking up.

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[–] [email protected] 81 points 11 months ago (4 children)

I send my wife code she has nfi idea about but knows I'm proud so she pretends to be impressed.

I win her heart over by making life much easier through technology and handling all that shit. When she can grab a PS4 controller, hit start, and sit on the couch, she knows not all ladies get their TV and sound system on, all inputs adjusted, game mode set, and Nintendo Switch home screen come up ready to launch Zelda.

"Babe, I could IFTTT the lights to drop to a gaming atmosphere and have your phone go into DND mode if you want. Just let me know."

SPLOOOOOOSH

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[–] [email protected] 73 points 11 months ago (11 children)

This person misunderstands a beautiful function code can be very sexy or maybe I'm a odd girl.

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[–] [email protected] 73 points 11 months ago (8 children)

I made a website for my wife with a list of a ton of reasons why I love her and each time she taps the screen it shows a new one.

So... that is a thing you can do for the cost of a domain name and some cheap hosting.

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[–] [email protected] 68 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

Sure, but at least they won't be afraid of commitment.

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[–] [email protected] 66 points 11 months ago (1 children)

git branch testing.stephanie.slept.with.my.friend.brad

[–] [email protected] 29 points 11 months ago (2 children)
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[–] [email protected] 63 points 11 months ago (3 children)

Name a linux distro after her and yourself. Always works.

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[–] [email protected] 57 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (5 children)

Image Transcription: Twitter Post

bass boosted ACAB @lil_morgy

hooking up with artists is hot cuz theyll be like "i thought of you when i wrote this song". what are tech guys gonna do? name a git branch after you? the fuck

[* I am a human volunteer and you could be too ❀️*]

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[–] [email protected] 48 points 11 months ago (1 children)

β€œThe two hardest problems in programming are cache invalidation, naming things and off-by-one errors.”

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[–] [email protected] 46 points 11 months ago (5 children)

No. They'll just name an entire lineup of the worlds biggest computers after your daughter.

[–] [email protected] 38 points 11 months ago

Little baby Thinkpad really deserves it.

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[–] [email protected] 45 points 11 months ago (5 children)

The creator of MySQL, MaxDB and MariaDB named them after his children My, Max and Maria, so why not

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[–] [email protected] 44 points 11 months ago (3 children)

I wrote an automation specifically for my partner to unlock the front door when they arrive home.

Also we got a sexy time button.

Home Assistant is a path to what many would consider... Unnatural.

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[–] [email protected] 41 points 11 months ago (2 children)

I mean Steve Jobs named the Lisa after the daughter he disowned. There’s opportunities here.

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[–] [email protected] 40 points 11 months ago (1 children)

It can swing both ways. Half of Taylor Swift’s songs don’t paint her ex’s in a good light.

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[–] [email protected] 40 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (2 children)

When I was learning programming I wrote a small program that I called for_you.exe. It printed an animated ASCII penis ejaculating on some boobs. I emailed it to my girlfriend and thankfully she thought it was hilarious. We're still together.

[–] [email protected] 34 points 11 months ago (1 children)

You can tell your age by the fact that you were emailing an exe file.

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[–] [email protected] 39 points 11 months ago (8 children)

MySQL, MariaDB, and MaxScale are all named after Ulf "Monty" Widenius' kids

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[–] [email protected] 39 points 11 months ago (4 children)
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[–] [email protected] 35 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (2 children)

I’d feel very wooed if my wife named a Linux distro or some open source project of hers after me

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[–] [email protected] 34 points 11 months ago (2 children)
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[–] fsxylo 31 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Keeping programming as far away from my relationships as possible.

Instead, I distract them with the fact that I'm a pretty damned good cook and know where the best hole in the wall restaurants are.

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[–] [email protected] 29 points 11 months ago

Naming variables after loved ones. Stephanie += 1 Stephanie/bob = Jeff

If Jeff == Stephanie: Jerome(Stevens)

[–] [email protected] 29 points 11 months ago (3 children)

Well, I made my girlfriend a GUI app that converts subtitles from Windows-1251 to utf-8 encoding so that she doesn't have to remember how to do it. And I didn't even name it after her...

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