memes

We bought this run-down house, my boyfriend and I. While he started working on converting the kitchen into the main bedroom, I insisted on removing the old wallpaper. The previous owner papered every wall and ceiling in the house! It’s a lot of work to remove, but it feels so good to get rid of it. The best feeling is getting a long peel, like when your skin peels after a bad sunburn. I turned it into a game, on the hunt to rip the longest piece possible.

I noticed there was a person’s name and date under a corner section of paper in every room. I couldn’t help but investigate and Googled those names. What I discovered left me speechless. The names all belonged to missing people, and the dates matched the day of their disappearance! We notified the police, who sent the crime scene team. I overheard one of them say, “Yeah, it’s human.” Wait, what’s human? “Ma’am, where is all the material you removed? This isn’t wallpaper.”

Two courses of action.

1. You detain and tie up the Ramirez already inside, just in case. Then you let the Ramirez outside in and do the same. You proceed trying to figure out what's going on. Who is the real one? Problem with this scenario is now you 100% have the fake one inside with you.

2. You detain and tie up the Ramirez already inside, just in case. You leave the one outside to die. Unethical, but now there's only a 50/50 chance the one inside with you is the fake one.

Alternate option if you're feeling really unethical is you just instantly kill the one already inside and also leave the one outside to die. Technically the safest option.

Red Dwarf - Psirens (1993)

As KRYTEN and LISTER head for the cockpit, the airlock monitor fizzes on again and a SECOND LISTER appears on the screen.

LISTER 2: What the hell are you doing taking off when I'm still outside? Let me in.

KRYTEN double-takes between the LISTER inside and the LISTER on the monitor.

KRYTEN: I'm afraid, sir, you're already here.

RIMMER steps down from the cockpit.

LISTER 1: He's a Psiren -- don't let him in. LISTER 2: For god's sake -- I can't hang on any longer. He's the Psiren. Let me in! RIMMER: What do we do? KRYTEN: there's no way to tell which is which. We have to let him in. RIMMER: That means we'll definitely have one Psiren on board. A brain- sucking psychotic temporal lobe slurper. KRYTEN: There's a fifty per cent chance we have one on board already. We can't risk killing the real Lister. I'm letting him in.

Lock one in the airlock, and confine the already-in one to quarters. If Outside Ramirez is bad but can't defeat the module's external shielding, this isn't a good plan. This has the downside of bringing Bad Ramirez to Earth but the upside of not forcing Either Ramirezs, good or bad, to fight for their life. Anyway, fucking love this. Thanks for reminding me of the horror of a Second Ramirez.

Not far off from the plot of the 2009 film Moon

Amogus

Twist: You've been in space for a couple years and there's only one Ramirez, you have an aggressive brain tumor.

This is referenced in Warframe in a couple of ways at different points in the game. For example: You have a kinda schizophrenic ship AI, and while you're floating in space he says this sometimes:

"KNOCK KNOCK! ...Now who would be knocking all the way out here?! Operator, I don't think you should answer that." (Here's a clip: https://youtu.be/ilHi4LeKZmM)

I'll not mention the others since I'd say they're spoilers.

Ramirez sus

I’d get the rest of the crew near or in the module and discuss the next course of action.

Bad day to be one of the Ramirez's

Not sure who wrote this specifically but a bunch of Clickhole 'celebrity quotes' were written by Joe Kwaczala who is hilarious.

Speaking of US space program, Clickhole also revealed the greatest presidential speech ever that was never delivered. ...oops, this isn't quite like I remember reading it - maybe this is a different draft?

What is a clickhole?

Edit: looks like it's a Cracked style website.