I'm dying in a religious conflict
this post was submitted on 10 Feb 2025
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Asklemmy
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Bonus:
https://www.wikihow.com/Get-a-Middle-School-Crush-to-Like-You
UUUHHHHH
monday
inhales
I like coming here.
In break times, i often get to see her, with her long skirt, her adorable jacket, and her soft, long, brown hair.
She is rather tall in her friend group, she must be 13, maybe 14...
It doesn't stop me for loving her even if i am in my 40's.
Nothing can.
It's not a barbaric attraction like thoses weird pedophiles.
My love is pure.
She's made to be mine.
"I want to be with her together."
tuesday
She just leaved the school to buy her meal.
Today she did attach her hairs into two braids, with ribbons at the ends.
She is so cute.
"I absoluetly want to be with her"
She seems to be alone right now.
"Is it my chance?"
Slowly, gently, silently, I put some chloroform on the piece of cotton.
Softly, purely, nicely, I approach her from behind.
Strangely, surprisingly, quickly, she does a barrel roll and a backflip, and face me with an assault rifle.
Rougly, straightly, immediatly, she say: "ladies and gentleman, we got him"
Painly, horribly, trementously, i get perfored multiple times by supersonic projectiles, and fall on the ground.
"aww man"
I just died trying to get a middle school crush to like me.
Guys don't call the police it's for the thing
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I think this speaks for itself
I die in a conflict where I tell a Wizards of the Coast zombie that Paizo and Pathfinder are the best, which, honestly, I should've seen coming.
I will also die on the hill of pf >>> 5e.
I WARNED YEH!
DIDN'T I WARN YEH?
Welp..
Getting punched in the throat while trying to wall thump somebody is peak physical comedy.
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well hmm, This could be interesting
How To Get More Views on a Facebook Video
God dammit
Step one: Post when zuck was skewing video counts to make people "pivot to video"
https://www.wikihow.com/Write-Your-Own-Eulogy
Well, at least I was prepared.
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I'm checking a microwave for leaks, how did the C4 even get in here?
I die cleaning a bicycle chain.
:(
I die in a freak hawk training accident.
Yes, dying from the most dangerous of human endeavors: small talk.
Who knew that dying my brown hair blonde without using bleach could be so dangerous?
uh oh
I spent way to long thinking it was "How to make Scorpion man miss you". Thought I was gonna get stung.
How to run away from an abusive home.
I was already planning to run away from an abusive home.
This is horrifying
How to Combine Documents in Microsoft Word
I always suspected
"How to confront a cheating husband"
That actually makes sense as a way to die, I just need to become gay now.
An exceedingly dangerous activity indeed.
While searching for a Cherry Grove Blossom Biome in Minecraft?! How do they know that?! (β_β)
It's the Rabbit of Caerbannog!
"what to do when someone texts you an apple emoji."
I'm extremely curious to see how this plays out.
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Here, don't stop! It's endless scroll meets wiki: https://wikitok.vercel.app/
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So does the plant kill me or is there an aloe vera crime syndicate I got on the wrong side of?
https://www.wikihow.com/Grow-Dates-Indoors
Guys I'm scared, my wife has been trying to grow dates indoors. Send for help, my time is near.
How to Cure Fungus on Aquarium Fish
Am I going to be patient zero for an IRL Last of Us?
"How to put a collar on a cat" yeah that tracks honestly
I guess from shrinking stomach
Removing mold stains from wood flooring.