this post was submitted on 04 Jan 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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top 26 comments
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[–] [email protected] 44 points 3 days ago (1 children)

The bigger, the better. Make sure to push really hard when one comes! You'll be surprised what comes next!

[–] [email protected] 23 points 3 days ago

Now that's some clickbait I can get behind

[–] [email protected] 18 points 3 days ago (1 children)

As I get older, I noticed that around 50% of the time, if I have a slight headache, or don’t feel right or comfy for no reason (i.e. not sick), it’s because I need to poop. Even if I thought I was done for the day, sometimes there’s just some that remains that when I go for that last round, I’m suddenly 100% feeling ok and fresh.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 days ago

Even if I thought I was done for the day

Interesting, never a thought I’ve had… hmm, you make me wanna try keeping a journal for a week

(You know, a journal, a diarrhy)

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

This is shitpost, not fartpost.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 day ago

How easily one becomes the other

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

Been awhile since you posted this OP, any luck? Please update us posthaste about your gastrointestinal proclivities.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

I had a mediocre fart that left me wanting. But eventually I had a few shits, and I'm feeling better for now

Thanks for your concern 😌

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 days ago

Awww, it’s okay. Eat some beans and have some coffee, good luck for next time!

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (2 children)

How old are you? I've heard it said "Never trust a fart over forty" so you might want to hit the toilet for that, depending on your age.

You never want to be the person who sharts themselves.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 days ago

"Three things to remember when you get older: Never pass up a bathroom... never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart." -Jack Nicholson (The Bucket List)

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 days ago

A good shart definitely would not sort me out right now 😭

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Take a lesson from the gays and loosen yourself up daily with a dildo.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

You clearly haven't seen how girthy my poops are

And if you have, then I have some questions and concerns

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 days ago

In that case, get yourself some Bad Dragons.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Maybe you should try getting yourself something nice from Bad Dragon?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I feel like that might cause more of a blockage than anything

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 days ago

Only if you leave it there.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 days ago

Yeah, releasing a gut wrencher is the best.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Have you tried standing on your head? It's not going to help your gas issue but have you tried it?

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 days ago (1 children)

How do you get your feet on your head?

[–] phdepressed 4 points 3 days ago
[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 days ago
[–] ryedaft 2 points 2 days ago

simethicone

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 days ago

I feel the same way about cracking my back. Just one good loud crack and I feel like all the kinks in my back would sort themselves out.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 days ago

Blow some air up there to help it along. Like swallowing air to burp.