this post was submitted on 22 Dec 2024
675 points (98.0% liked)

Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] [email protected] 204 points 3 months ago (5 children)

How many dicks do I have to suck to prove I'm not gay!?

[–] [email protected] 62 points 3 months ago

In my case, at least one

[–] [email protected] 23 points 3 months ago (4 children)

Like one girl cock I think

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[–] jballs 10 points 3 months ago

If you someone tells you that broccoli is gross, but have never tried broccoli, can you trust their opinion?

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 months ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 months ago
[–] [email protected] 140 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

Fake: anon has a friend

Gay: literally gay

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Fake because Brad didn't get gay with Tim and anon

[–] festnt 9 points 3 months ago

fake because tim is marrying a girl

[–] [email protected] 105 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 22 points 3 months ago

One of the few anon stories that seems plausible

[–] [email protected] 66 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (3 children)

Is it weird that the most unrelatable thing here for me is that SongeBob existed when anon was in high school?

Edit: a word

[–] TheSlad 80 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I'm over 30, SpongeBob existed when I was in middle school.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 3 months ago (5 children)

Yeah, I'm over 40. SpongeBob didn't exist when I was in high school.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Hmmm with this we can deduce that SpongeBob was created sometime after 40 year olds went to highschool but before 30 year olds went to highschool 🤔

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 months ago

SpongeBob first aired in 1999, so if you were born '81 or later, it was probably on when you were in high school. But yeah if you're in your mid-late 40s you would have just missed it.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago (2 children)

And you think it's weird that people under 40 are on the internet? I'm almost 30 and SpongeBob has been on since I was in daipers

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago

This is where I remind you that 4chan has existed for over 21 years. Meaning that a kid born the day it started operation is now old enough to legally drink in the United States.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

1999 grandpa. Anyone born after 1981 will have had the option of SpongeBob. That having been said it wasn't until the mid to late 2010s that I remember seeing grown ass adults obsessed with, and spouting lines from, a children's cartoon from 1999. So mostly 90s kids.

[–] [email protected] 48 points 3 months ago (2 children)

In before someone posts the green text story of a friendship of two straight dudes just being straight dudes having a good time blowing each other

[–] Early_To_Risa 12 points 3 months ago

That doesn't narrow it down as much as you'd think

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 months ago
[–] [email protected] 42 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Being queer in HS was so fucking fun.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

If you don't mind me asking, when were you in high school?

I was in high school in the late 2010s, in a red county in a red state, and there were a few openly queer ppl in my grade who were never bullied throughout high school.

I think it was because allies outnumbered the homophobes/transphobes and bullies only punch down, not up.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 3 months ago (4 children)

I was in high school in the late 00s early 10s and I remember guys in the locker room talking about how they'd murder a trans woman if one "tricked them". Around that point the only reason I didn't realize I was a trans woman was that I really didn't want to realize it.

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I was in my countries equivalent in the late '00s and early '10s, and it ... really wasn't. So I'd say that's rather time and place dependent.

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 months ago (4 children)

Unless you go to a Christian high school, then it sucks

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[–] TheSlad 35 points 3 months ago

Ahh, they must've whispered "no homo" before getting in the showers together!

[–] [email protected] 32 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Tim is getting married at ~22?

[–] weker01 35 points 3 months ago (17 children)

Is that strange where you are from?

[–] [email protected] 29 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Indeed. Here most people are still either getting their education or just starting with work.

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[–] festnt 26 points 3 months ago (17 children)
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[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 months ago

Americans marry early. And often.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 3 months ago

Traumatize them back. Best revenge type.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 3 months ago

This is not gay. A cock was touched, even stroked, but there is no mention of the soap. Did it fell? Did someone pick it up?

[–] [email protected] 18 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago

"I have an idea for a great prank."

[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 months ago (1 children)

If touching dick is gay almost every man is a homosexual

[–] sugar_in_your_tea 6 points 3 months ago (3 children)

What about touching other peoples' dicks?

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