Ask Lemmy

I can confirm that apps work. Half of my relationships as an adult are from online dating.

I'm in the divorce process and in many ways I'm terrified of reaching the point where I am past the grief and feeling a need to fill that void.

We met over ten years ago because I posted a personals ad on a local r4r titled "Creepy guy seeks woman way out of his league". Everything seems 5000x more gamified now.

I'm somewhat awkward, so I'm a lot more comfortable putting off phone or video for a few days. With that said, I really want to avoid the shame and frustration that comes with taking a full hour to realize I've been treating a chatbot like a real human being.

You can confirm none of them work? They can work. Sometimes you have to give it time. I met my wife on tinder. The thing is it takes a while. I didn't meet the love of my life on there after a single day or week. I was on the app for a couple years. It's hit or miss and takes learning.

Shared experiences help with longer term relationships. I regret I'm not focusing on the finding part but more of identifying how to hold onto it. I think the shared experiences matter more than how you find the people.

I've done this specifically by playing a video game, joining a clan, and joining the discord. I focused on who I clicked with most and spent time with them. I also think making some effort to meet IRL helps after a while. Having a game or a hobby in common isn't really enough because it can be very thin. If you don't care about any IRL things then force other shared experiences that are tangential to what brought you together. That helps me too.

Having reached my 40s, I’ve kind of given up on this sadly. With my work schedule and what it takes out of me, I’ve realized that I’m not that great of a friend anyhow. I can be flaky honestly. But there’s a hole inside of me that I’ve always wanted to fill with a friend, a real connection beyond typical friendship. I’m leaving that hole open but I’ve learned to avoid looking at it. Hope you find your friend.

Guilds in MMOs

This isn't so easy although it does happen. Most people aren't meant to be in your life long-term IMHO and this typically isn't the expectation that others will have when talking to randoms online. I met my wife on a porn site, although I wouldn't recommend attempting to execute such a strategy for example. I recommend online activities that encourage interacting with a small group ofpeople on a consistent basis, such as a DND group, rolepaying, or perhaps writing short stories where you get the chance to know each other better while enjoying an activity that already makes you happy if you can find one.

Engage in spaces and areas where there will be other people with similar interests. That may be a fan club for a hobby you love, a game with multiplayer elements, etc.

MMOs maybe. I've met some cool people this way

https://www.interpals.net/

Lots of my long-term friendships started with open-source projects. If that's your kind of thing, it's worth looking into. Either way it usually all boils down to a common hobby.

Facebook Dating has ironically been miles beyond other sites imo. It's completely free and the algorithm works very well. There's also a section for finding friends if dates aren't your thing.

You can meet a partner in league of legends. Your match history and most played champions are like a free personality test that both of you and the rest of the world have access to.

You’ll be sleeping with one eye open for the rest of your life though.

How do you find people who are interested in long-term relationships online?

In my experience, this is rare. Most people who meet others online started as friends with some common interest. I met my wife like this. It was never with the intention of a long term relationship, we were just friends online. We knew each other as friends for 2 years before getting together.

I would recommend DnD (or other games) as others have suggested too.

Also this is kind of random and I have no idea if it is a good idea, but maybe try https://duolicious.app/ - I saw it randomly the other day and your post reminded me of it.

Find a game and join a clan! Doesn't matter the type of game either. I've made lots of friends who all play Beat Saber. We get together (online) to play for a few hours every Sunday.

We have a blast discussing the endless statistics of BeatLeader, share jokes/memes, etc on Discord all day every day (haha). It's a lot of fun.

At this point in my life, almost all of my friends have come from TTRPGs I've joined online. I even moved across the country to be nearer to the core group that I was friends with.

There's something to be said about experiencing (fantasy) hardships that show you true colors of people without having to get into really messy emotional things irl.

Or I'm just lucky.