this post was submitted on 18 Sep 2024
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[–] [email protected] 3 points 13 hours ago

Oh please yes!

[–] [email protected] 17 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

Good thing I tried pegging for the first time tonight then! Ticked that one off the bucket list just in time!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 19 hours ago

Congrats on the pegging, happy for you.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 16 hours ago

Time to paint a new sign, methinks.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

so nobody can know the date of the rapture, and if someone figures it out god'll change it?

what if I make a website that just says "the rapture will be [current date +1]"

checkmate?

[–] [email protected] 21 points 21 hours ago (2 children)

So I was justified when I left those dishes in the sink. Thank goodness. Thank you, Jesus.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 21 hours ago

The lord works in mysterious ways!

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[–] [email protected] 37 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Jesus better fucking come I've been jerking him off for like 20 minutes

[–] [email protected] 9 points 21 hours ago

Jesus, King of the Edging!

[–] [email protected] 70 points 1 day ago (3 children)

Thank god there is no ninth of hexadecember, so no worries.

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[–] AlligatorBlizzard 15 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

Still the 18th here. Anyone know where I can buy some inflatable sex dolls and helium at this hour?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 20 hours ago (3 children)
[–] AlligatorBlizzard 7 points 16 hours ago

So they float, of course.

This is an old internet joke.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 20 hours ago* (last edited 20 hours ago)

To inflate the sex dolls.. He prefers doing chicks when they're high.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

Maybe so the sex doll will go to heaven too

[–] [email protected] 8 points 20 hours ago

Oh I get it. He knows because he's a depraved perv he isn't getting raptured so he's gonna fill it with helium, hold on as it rises, then enter heaven with a sex doll and fuck it silly in front of St Peter while cumming with a high pitched moan.

Good plan, actually.

[–] [email protected] 88 points 1 day ago (2 children)
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[–] [email protected] 24 points 23 hours ago (2 children)

~~9-18-24~~ ~~9-19-24~~ ~~9-20-24~~ ~~9-21-24~~ 9-22-24

I mean...if they keep this up they will be right eventually...right?

[–] [email protected] 11 points 23 hours ago (4 children)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 20 hours ago
[–] [email protected] 17 points 23 hours ago

Like my wife, every day for 17 years, "That tree is going to fall down."

Tree falls down.

"I told you so."

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[–] [email protected] 82 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Amateurs. Never put a date on your rapture predictions. Just say it is happening soon.

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[–] [email protected] 59 points 1 day ago (3 children)

It's almost 9pm where I am and there's no sign of it. Jesus better hurry his ass up if he wants to be on time.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 day ago (3 children)

Maybe everyone around you is a filthy sinner.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Maybe that's been the joke for centuries. The rapture happened but nobody made the cut. Seems consistent with the Bible.

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[–] [email protected] 56 points 1 day ago (8 children)

But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.

Matthew 24:36.

RTFM, noob.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 13 hours ago
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[–] [email protected] 19 points 23 hours ago
[–] [email protected] 18 points 23 hours ago (3 children)

Oh, shit! Who will water my plants?!

[–] [email protected] 16 points 22 hours ago (3 children)

It's your lucky day - I happen to run a post-rapture plant watering and pet sitting business - I'm sure as shit not getting raptured.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 20 hours ago (2 children)

I'm guessing you haven't had many customers yet?

Also, you think you're not getting raptured but you are literally offering a good thing for people that won't even pay you. Pretty sure Jesus would think you were dope.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 14 hours ago

I'm only a new startup, so I'm looking to take on my first clients.

I figure things will work out - people that believe in the rapture tend not to pay attention to all the "love thy neighbour", golden rule, feed the hungry, bathe the lepers Jesus teachings...

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 20 hours ago

Is this EST, PDT, Australish? Need to plan my pooping.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 day ago (3 children)

It's probably a coded message. Read it in the order of colors.

Jesus is rapture - 9-18-24 will on coming the happen.

It all makes sense!

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[–] captain_aggravated 14 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Can we go ahead and get the rapture over with so the rest of us can get some peace and god damn quiet?

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[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

They may have screwed up their ISO date format. They really mean it'll happen on the 9th day of the 18th month of 2024.

It tracks

[–] [email protected] 2 points 13 hours ago

Never mind the old flippediroo of the day and month. What I want to know is why is there a dash in front of the date. I thought the separators went between the things to be separated.

[–] [email protected] 33 points 1 day ago (6 children)

It's true. I'm getting raptured right n

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