this post was submitted on 16 Sep 2024
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[–] [email protected] 73 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

Remember, you're a ghost piloting a walking tent of bone, blood, and flesh using a grey jelly computer running on ConfusedMeat_OS.

As is everyone and everything living that you know.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Also, you're being co-habited by just a massive amount of bacteria, each of which has their own priorities.

[–] explodicle 7 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I like to think of myself as a walking city. Makes me feel important.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago

I'm a walking unprofitable for-profit prison.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago

Consider them crew

[–] [email protected] 61 points 4 months ago (4 children)
[–] [email protected] 17 points 4 months ago (1 children)

God someone stitch the blood donation post under that

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago

You sure made that easy. Thanks! I don't actually have any opinions on the matter

[–] cocobean 11 points 4 months ago

Conspiracy by Big Jenga

[–] [email protected] 11 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

today's meta is jenga posting

[–] [email protected] 0 points 4 months ago

capitalism trying to extract as much blood from humans as possible

[–] [email protected] 32 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (2 children)

Literally just got out of the hospital from a fall in the bathroom the other day. Got to ride the wee woo wagon and everything and don't remember any of it.

Edit: I've got two black eyes, what'll probably be a forehead scar, and a very sore body.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Oh and we've got some drywall work to do because while I got the blood stains off (apparently made a bit of a mess after I got knocked unconscious), I also ripped the toilet paper holder off the wall and put a good hit in on the heater in the fall. Got pictures too if anybody ever thinks the infomercials about seniors falling were being overdramatic, I'm in my 20s.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Morbidly curious about those pictures.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Don't worry, not gruesome, like I said, I got the blood stains off:

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Damn bro glad your okay. That could've been brain damage.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago

Yeah that was the bulk of the concern everybody had when I woke up in the ER.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Adorable eyeshadow, my darling. Also, glad you're OK, here is hoping you recover soon ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

[–] [email protected] 16 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Got to ride the wee woo wagon

AKA Amberlamps

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago

Bambalance!

[–] [email protected] 27 points 4 months ago (2 children)

I don't like that so many shower doors are glass. I can't stop myself constantly imagining a Final Destination situation where I slip, fall into the door, shatter the glass and decapitate myself.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I like to dance in the shower. I'm basically driving behind the logging truck.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 4 months ago (1 children)

A logging truck is probably safe to follow, an 8m log isn't going to slide off the stack

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago

No I saw a documentary and they fly at you like torpedoes

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

I believe they're usually tempered so they don't break in large pieces. They usually shatter into small rounded pieces. Source: My cousin broke our shower stall.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I was on digging trenches in the yard for sprinklers when my then girlfriend came out onto the porch. She was kind of staring off into space. "What's up?" " I just got a phone call. My mom died." "Congratulations." "Thank you."

She was a new girlfriend and I did not know anything about the history between her and her mom. But apparently my response was exactly the right one. Mom had slipped and died in her bathroom.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

She was a new girlfriend and I did not know anything about the history between her and her mom. But apparently my response was exactly the right one.

Talk about high risk low to medium reward, holy shit what a daredevil

[–] [email protected] 16 points 4 months ago

Each person that has ever dated me has understood that I will never react appropriately in a social situation. Not because I act out of spite but because I have zero clue as to what I'm doing.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Sometimes people fall from an aircraft and bounce jovially off the ground; sometimes people turn their heads too quickly and tear the fabric keeping their windpipe in place.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 4 months ago

boioioioing
yeehee!

[–] [email protected] 15 points 4 months ago

Or when you're on the treadmill and then one of your steps is an inch too far to the side.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago

Them internal organs be poppin'

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

MORTAL KOMBAT!!!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago (1 children)

What if I'm taking a shower and I slip on a bar of soap?

OH MY GOD I'D BE KILLED!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago (1 children)

By the colonel, in the kitchen, with a giant vibrator.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago

Sounds like a fun weekend