this post was submitted on 21 Aug 2024
883 points (98.8% liked)

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[–] [email protected] 83 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Oh yeah, my cats going to have a field day with that.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 3 months ago

scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch

[–] [email protected] 59 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Every once in a while I get a Uline catalog sent to me.I have looked at that same sort of industrial Jumbo roll. Very tempting.

[–] TheMightyCanuck 74 points 3 months ago (5 children)

If it's the uline jumbo rolls my work gets... Please don't.

Your asshole will thank me

[–] [email protected] 63 points 3 months ago (8 children)

You just gotta keep using it until your anus naturally builds up callouses.

[–] TheMightyCanuck 29 points 3 months ago

I rarely physically shudder from text

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago (4 children)

My wife keeps telling me that...

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I too try to only shit on company time

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago

They're called union shits around here. Even if you're not in one lol.

Also combine shitty to with expensive bidet. Best of both worlds.

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[–] [email protected] 19 points 3 months ago

Is it the high gloss stuff, or the 80 grit option?

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Does it flake like a French pastry?

[–] cocobean 26 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I only wipe my ass with croissants to keep my cheeks buttery smooth

[–] [email protected] 18 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I'm fairly certain those words have never been uttered in that order in the entirety of human history. Bravo.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Nor should they ever again.

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 months ago

My old work ordered everything from uline, and I started bringing in my own TP specifically because of how awful it is to use that tissue paper.

Legitimately feels like tissue paper that people stuff gift bags with.

But at the same time, almost slippery.

And you WILL know if you creased the paper the wrong way, because it WILL stab at you with the force of ten thousand teeny tiny needles.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Try a bidet first. I still use TP to dry off the wet, but way less TP.

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[–] [email protected] 55 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Single ply, extra thin, just like our corporate overlords intended it.

[–] [email protected] 37 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Thing's so top heavy he's gonna barely touch it and the whole thing will go toppling into the bathtub and instantly absorb 10x its weight in water.

Just like that, 42 cents down the drain.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Bro that tp is gonna melt in the water whole homeboy watches like that devastated raccoon.

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[–] [email protected] 46 points 3 months ago (1 children)

One of my neighbors owns a restaurant. When covid hit, they dropped boxes of gloves, hand sanitizer, and those rolls of TP off for everyone on the street. I still have one

[–] [email protected] 21 points 3 months ago

That is a solidly decent neighbour.

[–] [email protected] 37 points 3 months ago

At least the tp is oriented in the right direction.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 3 months ago (5 children)

Nice, that might last my wife one, maybe two days.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 months ago

The secret is a bidet. Much cleaner and suddenly I spend a third on toilet paper compared to before (you still use some for drying and checking).

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[–] [email protected] 26 points 3 months ago (5 children)

💯he stole that from a public bathroom

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[–] [email protected] 24 points 3 months ago

I was hella poor in college, and constantly using Taco Bell napkins and such for toilet paper. One day at school I found one of these rolls that was left on the counter in the bathroom. I immediately put that shit in my backpack and took it home. It felt like I had won the lottery! No need to worry about toilet paper for like 6 months!

[–] [email protected] 24 points 3 months ago (1 children)

“You can’t spare one square!?”

[–] Skoobie 12 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I don't have a square to spare!

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[–] [email protected] 22 points 3 months ago (1 children)

If you can fit it on your roll holder why wouldn't you? That's just good sense right there

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[–] [email protected] 19 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (2 children)

Someone's university has CH-751 locks on their toilet roll dispensers, and is missing a roll...

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 months ago

This is the lock picking lawyer and what I have for you today really wipes out the competition.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

I still have 2 rolls of that stuff from back when there was no TP in the store and it was all I could find. Never did end up using them, but I guess I'm set if it happens again!

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Let’s hope he had some high capacity magazines to match

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

~~Shopping in bulk~~

Stealing in bulk

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago (2 children)

You use it like a knife-sharpeners' wheel.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 months ago

For the poop knife?

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 months ago

That could kill a man rolling down a hill

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago

Garbage toilet paper found often at the workplace. People especially poor in money and/or taste will sometimes use it in their homes.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 25 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

His work's supply cabinet.

Rock on, man.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago

Shitting in bulk i see.

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