this post was submitted on 22 Jul 2024
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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

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[–] [email protected] 83 points 4 months ago (3 children)

AVOID #1!!!

Better to be alone and free to think and explore than to be tethered to someone that holds you back from exploring life. Sex is a fucked up drug addiction without an opt out for most of us. I've made a lot of effed up decisions, but not marrying any of my 3 long terms was not one of them.

I don't know about y'all, but I changed a whole lot every 5 years since 20. I feel more settled in my late 30's Getting disabled at 29 shakes my perspective away from any kind of norm. I can't imagine those changes meshing with anyone else and surviving this long.

[–] [email protected] 65 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

As a guy nearing 60 I support your stance.

The choice is not these two women. The choice is how to live your own life.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 4 months ago

I'm about 3 or 4 option #2s behind you but I agree. Glad to see older anons still with it.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I don't necessarily disagree, and everyone is different, but you should consider that it's not just you that changes. You change WITH your partner. You grow TOGETHER. I am absolutely different than I was 10 years ago, and so is she, but that doesn't mean that we're no longer compatible. Our growth contributed to each other's growth.

I do think people should be maybe... less attached? You should regularly evaluate your relationship to see if it's working. Shared interests aren't even always necessary (as long as they at least show interest in what you like and vice versa). But that is very hard and many people would rather not be alone.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I don't picture too many mates that can handle religious extremist conservative misogynist to atheist leftist open minded best intentions diversity ally. I could be wrong. Heck, in that span I've gained, dropped, and maintained more weight than anyone I've ever dated, going from ~250 to 350 to 187 and racing bicycles. I doubt I would have spent 3-4 hours a day on a bike while working 8-10 hours and racing on the weekend if I had married someone in my early 20's. I'd probably still be in bad health. I'm not all that bright right now, but I was a whole lot dumber in the past and having someone around that reinforced my biases was certainly a factor in my growth and development. It is hard to say how things would be different. It gets super lonely at times, but my situation is not standard there.

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[–] [email protected] 56 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Easily #1, but that's because they worded it as what her current interests are.

Just be interesting yourself, and put the work into finding out what about her interests are actually interesting. People find things interesting for a reason.

No one is actually boring, if you find someone boring it just means you dont understand them yet. Pay attention, listen, and try to see it through their eyes and maybe you'll find their "boring" interests aren't so boring after all, you just didnt "see" it fully yet to appreciate it.

And, typically, if you put the work into showing interest in whatever they are into, they'll reciprocate.

Also, there's infinite room for the two of you to both find new interests neither of you had before that now you both can share.

When my fiance and I started dating years ago, neither of us gave a shit about birds... but now that we live in a place with lots of cool random birds we can spot, and we go for walks everyday, we actually stop and go "holy shit what kind of bird is that, I dont recognize it" or "holy fuck are those pelicans? I didnt even know we got pelicans here!" etc etc.

The other day out of the blue when we were chilling at a nearby water reservoir watching a duck, a whole ass fuckin pelican came outta nowhere and swooped down, splashing into the water and sniped a random fish, then burst up with it in its mouth like... 2 feet in front of us. It was a pretty big "holy shit did that just happen?" moment.

If we hadn't been sitting there just enjoying watching a duck, we never would've gotten to see that pelican.

So, you know, maybe there's no such thing as "normie" interests, or a "boring" person. You might be the boring one if anything, because you can't understand why people love something and get interested in it...

[–] [email protected] 28 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (4 children)

I think you might be underestimating the intensity of some people's interests and how much of their being is defined by them, especially non-neurotypical people.

EDIT: Like, if you live in a van with solar panels on the roof you should probably find a partner that's also cool living inside a van.

If you spend a significant stints at home wearing a fursuit, you should probably find a partner that enjoys or at least doesn't mind living with what looks like an anthropomorphic furry creature.

If you regularly consume large doses of halcinogens to explore the limits of human consciousness you should probably find a partner that's doesn't mind hearing about how you saw an infinite blade made of time that slices the present moment into two parts: the past and the future.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I enjoyed reading your examples and wouldn't mind reading a few more.

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

You saw the time knife

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[–] [email protected] 52 points 4 months ago (3 children)

Option #3:

Same as option #2, but replace BPD with autism, and less mental health issues once she figures out she doesn't need to pretend to be normal.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 4 months ago (1 children)

You basically described my dream woman

[–] [email protected] 10 points 4 months ago (8 children)

We fetishizing autism now?

Missed that memo.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 4 months ago (1 children)

If I'm autistic and want to find a romantic partner that I can connect with on that level, is that fetishizing?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Well, I didn't find a real, good definition of 'fetishizing' but, if we agree on the one I'll provide below, you should be able to answer for yourself in this and future cases.^1

Fetishization is the choice to extremely, positively overweight one or more intrinsic qualities of a person or group of people, such that there is a sexual or romantic preference of a person or group of people based on that innate trait, irrespective of their overall character as a person.

Autism is weird for this definition because, while it is an inherent facet of a person, it does have a large effect on how a person grows up. This obviously shapes their character.

As an experiment, take your hypothetical dream person. A second party is a necessity for mental grounding. If you can find another person to assist, have them swap out character traits (social, personal, mental, etc.) until you find a point you'd no longer find the hypothetical dream person appealing.

Anyway, hope you can do some self-study and find that answer.

^1 If you don't agree, then we're piss outta luck and I'm gonna leave.

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[–] [email protected] 19 points 4 months ago

I dont think its weird to find autism attractive. Depending on who you ask, it might be called a disorder or just a normal trait. It's the same way that any trait can be attractive.

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[–] southsamurai 36 points 4 months ago

Pfft, reject the entire thing. Be patient, find someone that's compatible. It isn't like you have to settle right now.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Ended up with 1. 2 just isn't worth it. Every time they went crazy

[–] [email protected] 25 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I'll take my mentally stable wife scrolling Instagram stuff daily over my nutcase ex that I could game with.

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[–] [email protected] 27 points 4 months ago

And girl #1 in this scenario is supposed to be a girl who has her shit together and wants to go out with a guy who is on 4chan and who she doesn't really share any common interests with? Doubt...

[–] TheMightyCanuck 26 points 4 months ago

Just had my first child with option 2

God help me, that booty is worth it

[–] [email protected] 25 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

No matter how hot a woman is someone somewhere is tired of her shit.

Option 2. Don't have kids break up with her. Be happy about it, thank God it is finally over. Then think back on how great the sex was and miss her for the rest of your life.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago

No matter how hot a woman is someone somewhere is tired of her shit.

This is 100% true. Not only that, but the more hot a woman is, the less she's had to develop a loving personality and skills. I've gotten to the point that I won't even consider dating anything above a 7 anymore. Those are just traps. I'd like a nice 6-7 with some hobbies, quirks, and skills pls. She would be my 10.

[–] Early_To_Risa 23 points 4 months ago

Option #2 is sure to cause you trauma, trust issues in future relationships, and years of therapy.

Anyway, option #2.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 4 months ago

Both of these guys are going to remain single or, at best, in toxic relationships until they change their approach to both women and relationships.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 4 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago

Thank you for your service: one less #2 out of the market to tempt us.

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[–] [email protected] 21 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Option 1 sounds like a boring hell and option 2 sounds like an active hell.

I would pick 2. At least there would be some good and fun moments between the really bad ones. And sharing interests is an important part for me.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 4 months ago

Personally I think interests are vastly overrated. Relationships are not about whether you enjoy what you do together, but whether you enjoy doing it together. Part of the magic of a long-term relationship is developing those unexpected shared interests over time rather than going in from day one with the attitude of "I want to date myself".

[–] [email protected] 17 points 4 months ago (2 children)

I was married for 13 years to a BPD witch. It was abusive, one time I spit my own blood in her face (proud of that). She liked to pick fights and hit me. Other than restraining her from hitting me and catching punches, I only got physical twice. Once with a coat hanger and once when I slapped her while I was holding a baby. Finally lost my religion and got out.

After some time, I started dating again. Using OkCupid when it was still good. Made two piles. One night stands and prospects.

All the crazy ones went into one night stands. It was fun.

Prospects were primarily sorted by intelligence, communication, kinkiness, career, having failed relationships and kids. First date was a lot like a job interview.

I hunted down the white buffalo. We just bought a play farm. She's nasty in bed, makes great money, is an amazing cook, sweet as pie, smart as a whip, has a fat bottom and is easy on my eyes. She's all around a better person than me.

Second time around I married up. I do my best to measure myself against making her happy.

We compare ourselves to mules. We're both pulling, if one mule stumbles, the other pulls harder until we can both pull again.

We've had tense discussions. Never yelled except during danger and never in anger. It's so easy it's scary. Trust and love that are still growing.

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

Man, I wish I could have avoided option 2.

I learned the hard way...

Anyway, I just found a girl that I like and we have so much in common!

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Number 2 sounds like a good friend but not a good wife.

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 4 months ago

Never underestimate how girls love, option 1 works if shes into you enough she will learn your interests.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 4 months ago

It's actually a spectrum

[–] [email protected] 12 points 4 months ago (2 children)

It's a false dichotomy. Embrace polyamory.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Did. I'd rather be heart crushingly disappointed by one person at a time instead.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Polyamory is what happens when too many type 2 people get together in one place though

[–] [email protected] 11 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I'll have you know I don't have BPD, just ADHD!

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Yeah my polycule is all adhd no bpd (though one woman was misdiagnosed with it 20 some years ago). It’s great, nice and stable.

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I'm with 2 but instead of shared interests it's shared sense of humor and tendency toward self destructive alcoholism. I'm more and more convinced it's going to blow up in my face.

[–] Ummdustry 11 points 4 months ago (1 children)

why isn't alcoholism an interest?

[–] [email protected] 11 points 4 months ago

It used to be, but I've been california-sober for a year. It's amazing how sobering up will open your eyes to your situation.

[–] Zeppo 11 points 4 months ago

Number one is actually a trap because she probably won’t understand you and still will do stupid things.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

I was with a #2 for 9 years until I escaped. Then when I wasn't looking for a partner I was just meeting people and living for myself and then that's when I met the perfect person. Approaching a year and a half and it's such a breath of fresh air to be with someone who is on the same team.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago

I like crazy girls. Sex hits different when they try to carve their name into your skin.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago

#1 if she was supportive, otherwise hard pass on both.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago

#1 won't have any interest in you.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago

#2 is because anyone who feels this way is also a mentally ill, bpd with daddy issues

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago

Neither as far as being in a relationship, but #2 could be fine as a friend.

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