this post was submitted on 14 Jul 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] [email protected] 203 points 4 months ago (1 children)

The frozen chipotle employee watching me walk behind the counter and make myself a burrito 180 times before time resumes

[–] [email protected] 128 points 4 months ago (1 children)

The Home Depot employees watching me steal an entire self-sufficient off-grid home one wheelbarrow load at a time.

[–] [email protected] 122 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (2 children)

The grocery store employee watching me stick every carrot in my ass.

[–] [email protected] 73 points 4 months ago (1 children)

You know you were supposed to freeze time first tho?

[–] [email protected] 34 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 11 points 4 months ago

they have carrots at wendys?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago

Now we're getting somewhere!

[–] [email protected] 199 points 4 months ago (3 children)

And that is why you should always test newfound superpowers on a small scale before blowing your load on freezing time for 6 months you depraved Anon

[–] [email protected] 104 points 4 months ago (1 children)

apply it to a corner before using it on the whole surface

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[–] [email protected] 161 points 4 months ago (38 children)

thats fine with me, since im not sick in the head, and i respect people's consent

[–] Klaymore 147 points 4 months ago

This is a 4Chan user

[–] [email protected] 88 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Sounds like the type of thing the sickest fuck in the room would say to avoid suspicion

[–] [email protected] 30 points 4 months ago (2 children)

That's funny because this sounds like the type of thing the sickest fuck in the room would say to avoid suspicion

[–] [email protected] 26 points 4 months ago

Recursion: see recursion

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago

And that's why I haven't said anything. Now no one will realize that I'm the sickest fuck of them all.

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[–] Danquebec 51 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Didn't even think about this. I thought of how crushingly boring and annoying it must have been to have been unable to move at all. For 6 months.

And now I realize it must have been dreadful, at first.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Imagine if your one of the thousands of people who would likely happen to have the sun in their eyes at the instant of freezing.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Or getting frozen mid-orgasm.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Depending on the exact moment you might assume you died and the ecstasy you were feeling was an afterlife.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 4 months ago

Getting post orgasmic torture from a dominatrix tho...

[–] Danquebec 11 points 4 months ago (10 children)

Good thing is that since time has stopped, you won't get your eyes burnt since light stopped travelling as well.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 4 months ago (2 children)

As an aside, if light stopped too, wouldn’t that mean that the world would be plunged into darkness?

Photons of light reflect off of objects, and into our eyes before being converted into electrical signals by the brain and translated into visuals that we see. But to do this, photons and electrical signals need to be able to move through time and space. So if time is stopped, and light is stopped with it, none of that other stuff happens, and we all would effectively be blind. No?

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

And now I realize it must have been dreadful, at first.

That's basically sleep paralysis.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago

So either six months of sleep paralysis or you experience six months of time in the instant that time returns, possibly mentally handicapping people from the sensation. Yeah, OP better go into hiding, anyone who survives will hunt them down - regardless of what they do.

[–] [email protected] 33 points 4 months ago (14 children)

not me. i would have done some nasty shit.

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[–] loaExMachina 22 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Assume some people were around you when you froze time. They saw you did something and then were the only one who could move.

Then they went through the absolute nightmare of being paralyzed and conscious for six months. And they know you've caused it.

I highly doubt the whole world concented to this.

Whatever else you did in frozen time barely changes a thing.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 4 months ago (2 children)

What if you spent your frozen time, determining the problems of everyone in the world, and solving them? So, when everybody got unfrozen, it was a utopia.

[–] loaExMachina 6 points 4 months ago (1 children)

People may say "you can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs", but would the eggs agree ? With hindsight you might become seen as a hero, but I doubt that would change the immediate hatred people would feel upon release from half a year of bondage within oneself.

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

Dude you can get in trouble for doing a lot of things that aren't a criminal sex act. There's so much more out there! Doing H until you nod out in public, stealing products, playing guitar after 10pm, orchestrating dog fights, gambling on when elderly people will die, driving a type I school bus with a physical on file that's two years and ten days old, the possibility are endless.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 4 months ago

Like half of these dont work if time is stopped tho.

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[–] [email protected] 101 points 4 months ago

How would people know I've been in bed for those 6 months??

As far as they are concerned the cause of the phenomena is unknown.

And next time it will be longer.

[–] [email protected] 53 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Quick! Quick! Freeze it again! Wait... Actually never mind. After being frozen in place, and fully aware, for 6 months straight every single one of them is going to be batshit insane.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 4 months ago

Always test until you know the rules!

[–] VirtualOdour 24 points 4 months ago

That's OK, they'll know not to mess with me.

Especially after the news cycles through hundreds of otherwise inexplicably brutal events like 'oil company boardroom welded shut full of heaters', 'bee killing pestocide.producer found locked in a room full of wasps', 'putin awakes in room full people he's been oppressing', 'guy who invented mobile game adverts could only leave his house after clicking on a very small button that's actual hit box is slightly off the graphic'

[–] [email protected] 24 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Everyone who is still alive

So make it count

And wear a mask and a big coat

[–] [email protected] 15 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago
[–] [email protected] 20 points 4 months ago

At that point I'd just go all in, live in the just moment for a century and upend the entire world to make up for it.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 4 months ago

They can have fun rebuilding the cloud over, and over, and over again.

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