you dip the chicken nuggets in whiskey and then roll them in cocaine for a nice speedy schnitzel
That is going to taste so bitter, my tongue just dried up from thinking of it
That's why there's bbq sauce.
Where are the dates?
Probably wondering why their date is taking a picture of the charcuterie board.
Woosh
The straight whole coffee beans. 🤣
Ngl I've munched coffee beans before. There's chocolate covered whole coffee beans, so why not eat them without the chocolate too?
Because without the chocolate, it's like eating slightly burnt coffee flavoured sand. I eat them all the time because I have a fucking problem, but I don't enjoy it.
Is there a name for this problem? I'm imagining you sitting with a bowl of beans looking miserable, shaking your head and muttering, "damn beans"
They're alright actually
Condom lube on my cheese board doesn't sound appetizing
These ribbed condoms don’t taste anything like ribs!
All that and not a single date to be found in the photo. Has bro never been to a grocery store?
What order is this meant to be in?
To start off, put the gummi worms in a shaker, shake, collect the sour dust, snort.
Next, add the whiskey to the shaker, set aside
Dunk the bread in the McNuggies sauce, sprinkle on cocaine to taste.
Add weed, thin crackers and coffee beans to grinder, grind thoroughly. Take the brie and your ground up spices, work them into each other as if you were making meatballs.
Eat this raw.
Ok, now vomit into the condoms.
Now that the appetizer is done with, grab handfulls of the other cheeses, salami, prosciutto and McNuggies, and just stuff it into your face as if you were eating popcorn.
Now that you've been thoroughly fucked by this culinary experience, finish it off with the drink you set aside earlier, which should hopefully be a lovely semi congealed glass of gummi whiskey.
Awful, would laugh at you on a date. Better than most.
Hey, I'll take it haha!
Unfortunately my default joke state is basically dad jokes and puns, but my life has been so utterly absurd that I can basically just reference some insane nonsense that's happened to me in the past somewhat indirectly, and most people just think I'm creatively making a joke.
In seriousness, I have found that more conventional charcuterie boards are a pretty cost effective, while also decently fancy first kind of at someone's place date, if presented well.
I've done this multiple times and it has worked every time, and almost every time I'll be told this is extremely adorable and no one has ever done this for them...
...Then I find out, a year or two or three into the relationship, oh god, this person I love is extremely abusive, takes me for granted, and is astoundingly irresponsible.
So I guess just hand me both of those whiskeys, neat, please.
Well after you do the drugs, it doesn’t really matter
I’d say clockwise but I’m not sure how well weed/coke mix.
I’m not into weed anymore (I wish I still was, but it gives me anxiety) but they mix perfectly fine!
…it’s funny that it’s the WEED that gives me anxiety.
Add a gun and some bullets and call it the Hunter S. Thompson Special.
Needs more grapefruit.
Yeah they got McDonald's chicken nuggets. Like dude, go get some Wendy's. You've got nose spice so I know you understand how to be classy - now get your shit together.
Found Wendy's Lemmy account
This charcuterie board fucks.
That's a fucking party right there
WHERE are the motherfucking CHEESE BALLS?!
After enough coke everyone has cheese balls.
Three condoms? My, we're young and frisky, aren't we?
They are unwrapped and sitting pretty close to some meat and cheese. Feels like that's just asking for disrupting vaginal health balance. Plus I'd be suspicious of holes poked in the condoms. Unwrapping them is such a weird thing to do.
Everything looks good here, perfect date. Wait, except.... is that.... unground coffee beans? What the fuck?
To me this just looks like a typical day that started with the best of intentions.
Frist of all, why are there condoms in the food second why are there 3 of them?
One for the shaft and one for each testicle
Duh .. we all learned this in sex ed
I love the gummy taste of condoms with my Brie and crackers
YES.
I can almost hear Major Kong (Slim Pickens) from Doctor Strangelove:
"Shoot... a fella could have a pretty good time in Vegas with all this stuff."
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