this post was submitted on 16 Mar 2024
1002 points (98.5% liked)

Funny

6923 readers
764 users here now

General rules:

Exceptions may be made at the discretion of the mods.

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 94 points 8 months ago (3 children)

I was making toast once at work.

A particularly baffling coworker saw this and went "oh you like toast do you? I had an uncle who liked toast"

I'm not sure if he just didn't like to leave good silence alone, or if he had a bizarre family where nobody else liked toast except for Mad Uncle Toast Eater, who presumably died from his crippling toast addiction.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)

I hope you didn't respond to him, to make him uncomfortable with the silence again.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 8 months ago

Maybe that silence is his Toast though. The more you have, the more you want.

[–] funkless_eck 23 points 8 months ago

fucking incredible sentence though. what a legend.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 8 months ago

Elder Scrolls NPC type conversation.

[–] otp 94 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I think bagels are boiled, then baked. Cooked twice.

Then we toast them to cook them a third time.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 8 months ago (2 children)

And if we're from the Midwest and at a fair, cook them a fourth time by deep frying them.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 8 months ago (1 children)

That might make me consider actually going to the state fair instead of bitching about it making traffic terrible by bringing a ton of people into the middle of the city

[–] [email protected] 7 points 8 months ago (1 children)

We went this fall like we have for the past few years but even the lemonades were $10-15 so I don’t think we’ll be returning.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago

Our state fair is in some little ass town in the middle of nowhere. I've always wanted to make the 3 hour drive, just never gotten around to it, $15 lemonades don't sound very encouraging.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago (5 children)

what would cooking them for a fifth time look like. is it even possible?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 8 months ago (1 children)

boil > bake > grill > fry > microwave

[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago

"Just fucking kill me already"

[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago

Probably something like Cuil theory

[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago

Like some hardcore JPEG re-compression

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago

Nobody knows...

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 24 points 8 months ago (3 children)

I think it has more to do with wanting the bread warm in any way ... so that you can melt butter on top of it. Nothing like fresh baked bread and melting butter over it. The next best thing is to take cold bread, toast it and melt butter over it.

I grew up poor and I remember being a kid and craving melted butter on warm toast but we seldom had any ... so we often opted to using just lard instead. Same sensation but the taste wasn't as good.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 8 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 8 months ago

Hey! ..... I'm OK! .... Me and my arthritic body, I'm OK!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (4 children)

I hope you're aware of The Heart Attack Grill. Amazing fries cooked in lard. All you can eat fry bar. The burgers are pretty good too.

When I went they stopped at a quadruple burger. This thing is insane.

https://youtu.be/Kb4dUaE3yaM?si=mc208gkPR38mQgMd

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I’ll do you one better… toast the bread, add the butter, then when that’s all melted into place, sprinkle cinnamon over it. Fucking amazing.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 22 points 8 months ago (3 children)

I wouldn't be surprised if originally it was something you did to rescue stale bread. Can't waste any good food when it's scarce, you know?

[–] [email protected] 8 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I still use it to rescue state bread. Either that, or if I need a harder/warmer surface to spread things on.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago

Y'all gonna want summa this guh'mint cheese for that state bread, too, ya know.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago (1 children)

People toast fresh bread? Why, fresh bread is good as-is.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago

I mean, if it's fresh from a bakery - sure, but "factory-fresh"? I think toasted is definitely an improvement.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 21 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Watch the shock on OP's face when they learn of bis-cuit.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)

Do you mean crunchy cookies, or savory butter scones?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago

EITHER ONE!

[–] [email protected] 21 points 8 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 12 points 8 months ago

In crust we trust, amen!

[–] [email protected] 14 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Maillard, there is a special place in paradise for you.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago

Maillard Place would be a funny name for a mansion.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 8 months ago
[–] [email protected] 13 points 8 months ago (2 children)

Knowing humanity, it involves either a dare, laziness, desperation, an accident or pigheaded stuberness, and usually a combination of those.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago

Perhaps someone smoked some smelly herbs and the only available thing to eat afterwards happened to be stale bread and butter.

I guess that'd technically qualify as an accident. A happy accident, if you will.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 13 points 8 months ago

Now french it

[–] [email protected] 12 points 8 months ago (1 children)

John Toast invented toast in 1439 when he tried to cook bread twice.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago

I don't enough about the ways of toast to dispute this. But I kind of love that there was a guy named John Toast that went around cooking shit twice until something stuck.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Sourdough is good. Toasted sourdough is bread's best life.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago

I love sourdough because it doesn't even need butter!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 8 months ago

Maillard reaction is pretty awesome

[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago

A brilliant confluence of skill and purpose!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago

I have always contended that bread is just raw toast.

Toast is life.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago (1 children)

You bake bread and you toast .. toast.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I mean, you can make toast the first time you cook it, if you do it at the wrong temperature and for too long. Also, it definitely won't be toasted evenly.

Still you'd end up with enough toast that you could try it out and see if you liked it, before anyone had invented it. Since this happens by accident all the time, it's reasonable to assume we've known about toast exactly as long as we've known about bread.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

Toast is where the sliced non crust part of the bread gets cooked. You can't make toast when originally cooking because you just end up with thicker darker crust. The inside of over baked does not become toast.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago

Toast sandwich

load more comments
view more: next ›