No Stupid Questions

Having empathy is normal, yes.

I used to be homeless. (I am doing significantly better now though. Hard work and luck.)

I did actually have a job, it just didn't pay enough to get me a place to live at the time. I was too ashamed to beg for money, but I did occasionally hang around restaurants and ask people for food. (So much shame because I had so many peers with family that helped them and they would look down on me for "failing to launch.")

Why didn't I go to a food bank? Because the bus system sucked and I couldn't get everywhere I needed in the amount of time I had in the day. Additionally, I had no kitchen. No place to prepare food that isn't ready made. The shelter did not allow me to store food.

Government help and charities were definitely not enough, but it did help. A lot of people in charity were good people, but there were quite a few that were just plain nasty. At the shelter, I would get yelled at for following their rules and asking for my phone that they held at the front desk so I could get to my job for instance.

It does not feel good when your family lets you down, your community lets you down, the government lets you down, and even the people that are supposed to fill in the gaps lets you down. Really makes you think that you are undeserving.

You are right that some homeless people have a hard time finding a job. A lot of places will discriminate against you if you do not have a permanent address (and some will even look for addresses of shelters). If you went to jail, a lot of places won't consider hiring you. And if course wages are just really low compared to cost of living.

Yes, it is ok to feel bad for those people that don't have what you have. That is human. Yes, some of them may have made some bad choices and some of them might not need the help. But a lot of those people are just victims of an uncaring system. If you do not help them (which is fine, it is not always possible), at least treat them with dignity. Being treated like a worthy person, rather than a second class citizen, means a lot to someone who society let down.

While some people do fake it or some people may actually be too lazy, on the whole attributing homelessness to personality flaws or moral failings is just a coping strategy for lots of people - lies they tell themselves to make the situation be despicable instead of pitiful. Most homeless people aren't faking it, and most homeless people wouldn't be homeless if they had any choice in the matter. Many of them are homeless due to poor or temporary circumstances, many others due to mental health issues combined with lacking a support system.

I like Kant's take on this. He argued (roughly, by memory) that giving to people begging on the street directly was a selfish act, as it's satisfying our own need to feel better about ourselves more than the needs of the homeless population, and would lead to an unfair distribution giving more money to those who are talented at evoking empathy rather than those that might need it the most. He argued that the unselfish thing to do would be to donate to the cause indirectly, responding not to the emotional response in the moment but to a rational consideration of the needs of the homeless population.

I think he has a point. That said, there's nothing wrong with being selfish every now and then, especially not if your selfishness gives someone a warm meal. And empathy is a healthy human reaction.

Your parents seem to have failed to grasp the challenges facing the homeless population. A better take would be "don't give that guy money, start donating regularly to a local charity instead and help make sure that help is given to all those who need it".

Oh, and also, rally for political change.

Yes, it's normal to feel like shit about driving past the homeless, that's your humanity working.

We are not faster or stronger than bears, so we evolved to work together as tribes.

Seeing other humans abandoned by your own tribe should make us feel bad.

No, it is not YOUR individual responsibility to assist others beyond your own means. Retiring in the U.S. costs millions of dollars and that may seem far away for some, but time comes for us all and most can't afford to help others with their oxygen mask before putting on our own.

When I drive by someone who needs help, knowing I'm not equipped to help them, I get angry at every politician and lobbyist whose life work is making sure meaningful social programs never get started.

My responsibility is to vote for the most humanitarian candidate possible at every opportunity, and to share my values of "people first" any way I can.

We all struggle, and the struggles of others doesn't disqualify your own. It's healthy to spend your personal resources on your personal problems, and use your social/political power (vote) to address social/political problems.

Props on being a human being.

Yeah, it's pretty normal for someone that has empathy to feel bad when they can't do much/anything to help someone else that they would help if they could.

The problem is that you can't help everyone, so you'd have to pick and choose which individuals you do help, which is going to make you feel just as bad as not giving them any money at all.

The real answer to resolving the feeling is to provide help in a more general fashion. Volunteering with any of the local homeless support programs/charities is a good way to help individuals and homeless people in general

If you can't do that, or do other support that's similarly broad, that's okay. Just do what you can, when you can.

Make eye contact and give a little nod, as a minimum, instead of ignoring. I've known homeless people to say the hardest most frustrating part was feeling invisible.

Yes, it's normal. Even if they are faking it, it's still a bad situation that they feel the need to do it. Most of them have mental problems and can't find or even look for work. Without work you have to apply for benefits in most countries and some are not capable of this beurocratic process. Without benefits they have no health insurance in most countries and therefore can't get treatment. Also, without a home address and internet it's difficult to find or apply for a job in many regions abd without a job it's difficult to get a home address and internet.

However, there's too many to help them individually. This is not your problem as a person, but our problem as a scociety. You'll be overwhelmed caring for all of them. Instead, you should try and help passing laws and regulations to help them in your region. In the EU, for example 2016 a law has been made so everyone may create a basic bank account, even if they are homeless or foreigners. This is important, because before that in many regions you couldn't get hired or payed because the banks required your home address and without pay or a bank account you couldn't get a home or work.

Empathy exhaustion is real. It feels like everyone is demanding you fret over their pet ailment, group, etc. You have to be "aware" of every disorder or super rare genetic defect. Same goes for walking around cities where the homeless are constantly demanding your attention and money. Even if you give them anything they will demand it as you walk by again. Emotions are like muscles, they eventually get exhausted.

It's normal. And they're not all faking.

Calling them lazy is just ridiculous. Anyone who believes that should try going out there and begging to earn enough to eat that day (let alone pay rent) and see how 'easy' it is.

No, it's a completely normal feeling to feel bad about not being able to help people that are suffering.

I don't buy the line that people are faking being poor just to make extra income. Yes, there are people that drive up to foodbanks in fancy cars who are abusing charity supports meant for the needy, but your average beggar isn't one of those who abuses supports.

When I see people pick out food from a trash bin, no well off person would do that. I try to help out them with change where I can.

Life is extra cruel to those that are already down on their luck. If you find yourself where rents are $2000+ a month, trying to even up and move yourself to somewhere you might be able to get a job and afford to live on it, takes several weeks of hitchhiking or several hundred dollars in travel expenses. (Canada)

Having helped some homeless people out, the other thing is that because of the brutal conditions they've been through, often they're easily stressed out, can't fill out forms or express themselves very well. Sometimes the one thing keeping them from getting help is someone in their corner who can properly advocate for what they need. For many people having a temporary rough streak, this can be a family member or friend. For many chronically homeless people they don't have anyone to lean on.

They are homeless, which means they can't get jobs (which require an address) and they might not be able to get bank accounts (also required for a job, also require an address). Even if they have access to showers and laundry facilities and a place to keep their stuff, they still can't get a job without an address and bank account.

Your parents did something many people do, which is make excuses for why it's ok to not care about others. It's rare for someone to fake it. Most people are not lazy enough to forgo shelter, and when they are it's usually classified as a mental illness or low IQ. There are also many who are down on their luck. They might have not had great upbringings and were not taught the skills needed to organize their lives, or they could have no family left except responsibilities and they couldn't afford (money or time to) college/University. Lower income jobs don't pay enough for someone to live on their own many places.

Please keep having empathy and caring about others. You can't help everyone but you can vote to change policy local or otherwise, and you can donate or volunteer. Everyone deserves kindness.

I mean, just give them money?

Put it this way: getting a job is just one of many challenges facing homeless people.

For example, if you get a job but are already living absolutely hand-to-mouth, can you actually afford to have that first month of work with no money coming in on a day by day basis. If you cannot afford to even eat how will you make it to that first paycheck?

Even if you do, where will your job put that money? Many, many homeless people do not have a bank account, and what do you need to open a bank account? A home address and ID!

Were you fortunate enough to become homeless with a copy of your birth certificate or other form of ID? If not oh that's not a problem sir, it'll cost you £35, and then it'll arrive by recorded delivery to your home address. Where was that again?

Pretty much no person is homeless by choice. Most are there by a combination of bad luck, violence, a lack of a social security net, mental illness, and many many other factors. Very few people would choose a life of danger and unprovoked violence. You wouldn't want to be without a home, they don't want to be without a home for the exact same reasons.

So in conclusion, it is the very basics of human decency to feel bad for them. I would urge you to go further and try to help them, whether that be by direct contribution, by volunteering, by donating to a housing charity, or something else.

One compromise I use is to give them food instead of money. I usually carry with me one of those mashed fruit packets (usually marketed for kids to take to school) in case I get hungry and if I come across someone asking for money I just give them that. Or ask them if they want something from the nearby convenience store/cafe/vending machine. That removes the argument of "they'll just use it for drugs" that I hear and honestly believe is true to some people. Addiction is hard. Everyone has to eat, it's always useful to get them food (especially if it's non perishable)

Almost every time I've offered a homeless person a meal that have declined. I've physically seen a "homeless" begger walk his bike from the median, to a parking lot and load it into the back of a band new truck and drive off. If you want to give you just have to take the risk you may be getting scammed.

I give to my local shelter, spreads out the aid while being less likely to be spent on drugs(so long as your shelter is trustworthy)

You can’t save everyone but you can help someone if you’re in a good station in life. Every one of us has ups and downs, that’s living!

It is normal. There is some interesting discussion here and I agree that most... Almost all of the people do not desire to be in the situation there are in.

There is some discussion about giving money to the person vs giving to a charity. Whatever I choose to do, my rule of thumb is to do it with kindness. Sometimes I will give some chance to someone and chat with them. Sometimes I don't have chance/money to give them so I will say so but maybe introduce myself.

I heard the saying "the greatest lie that Americans believe is that they are much closer to being a millionaire when in reality they are much closer to being homeless." Most people are a paycheck or two away from homelessness.

There but for the grace of God go I.

It's a normal human trait, which is why it's so easily taken advantage of. If you wish to do something for your local population of people suffering homelessness there are plenty of charities to donate time or money to that will ensure it is spent more wisely than most any singular person suffering from homelessness would likely spend it themselves.

It's pretty normal, yeah. It's just being empathetic for someone else in a bad spot. I usually don't donate, but I make an effort to at least have some small talk with them. One of the worst aspects of homelessness is the feeling of your humanity just slipping away, and just reminding them they're people really helps.

Of course, only do this if it's safe, so maybe not the middle of the night, or a super-busy intersection, but when you CAN, it probably means more than what you could donate.

What kind of person would you be if you didn't feel bad? These are people who were betrayed by the system they trusted. It's wrong, and sadly even if you help individually, it may not make a big difference. They need professional help, home-first polices, etc.

That is why soliciting / begging for money works. It makes people uncomfortable and they give money. It wouldn't work if we all didn't feel that.

That’s not true at all. If I had the means to do so, I would be donating more, though I’m living pretty precariously myself.

Not all are but you giving them something will not change their circumstances if you do. You would help more homeless people by giving to a soup kitchen or shelter. Some give you cards you can give the person which is supposed to give them a bit more priority. Honestly any good feeling someone gets from giving them the inconsequential amount in isolation is more the false thing.

i literally never use cash and i'm uncomfortable around strangers. i do at least think there should be a proper social safety net and no one should be there rather than blaming them directly

I hope so.