this post was submitted on 30 Jan 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

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[–] [email protected] 152 points 10 months ago (3 children)

As an American, I cannot legally touch any egg that hasn't been ultra-pasteurized followed by continuous cold chain refrigeration and served in either a Styrofoam or pulped paper cardboard egg carton.

[–] [email protected] 43 points 10 months ago (4 children)

I think you have been misinformed. As an American, I can harvest eggs just like the pictured ones from my own backyard on a regular basis.

They don't even cost any money, they come out of chicken asses for free.

[–] [email protected] 35 points 10 months ago (2 children)

You must have weird chickens. My lay eggs out if their cloaca.

[–] thegoodyinthehoody 4 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Isn’t their asshole like inside the cloaca?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago

Their colon is. The coloaca is their asshole, and pee hole, and egg hole.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 10 months ago (2 children)

What a noob. Ours come from shops. That way, our entire fuckin garden doesn't smell like a crashed ammonia tanker

[–] [email protected] 13 points 10 months ago

As a side note, if your chicken coop smells like a crashed ammonia tanker you need to add more carbon in the coop. Dead leaves, cardboard, shredded wood or wood chips are working well.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Sorry your yard is so small. Mine is large enough that the chicken coop is far away from the house and is usually not a bother. Summertime when the wind is just wrong can be an annoying stench, but it's almost nothing compared to the smell of dumpsters in a big city during summer heat.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 10 months ago (1 children)

We call our yards "metres" and they're a little bit bigger than yours

[–] [email protected] -5 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Off topic pedantry, great response

[–] [email protected] 15 points 10 months ago

Sir, this is a ~~Wendy's~~ shitpost community.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago (1 children)

You have no idea how big I can live. What if I told you that I knew a guy who can turn you into a walrus?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago

I'd say pass whatever you've got, I'll take a snort.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago (1 children)

This instantly reminded me of an old Mitchell and Webb sketch lol

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago

Here is an alternative Piped link(s):

Mitchell and Webb

Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.

I'm open-source; check me out at GitHub.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago

Let’s not pretend the acquisition and upkeep of chickens is free… if you eat a lot of eggs it is absolutely worth it, but there is some cost in setting up a coop, getting chickens, keeping chickens fed and safe from predators, disease, etc.

Plus you have to have property to keep them on and be allowed to have them on your property. For most Americans that isn’t possible due to lack of home ownership or HOA restrictions on what animals you can have on “your” property. (HOAs are bullshit)

[–] [email protected] 34 points 10 months ago (1 children)

This is pulped paper cardboard, is it not?

[–] [email protected] 44 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 30 points 10 months ago (1 children)

It's so nice of you to gift it to them!

[–] [email protected] 19 points 10 months ago (2 children)

I just noticed the mistake and I knew one of you smart asses was going to call me out before I message to fix it :(

[–] [email protected] 23 points 10 months ago (2 children)

You message to fix it? What, you have staff to do it for you?

[–] [email protected] 17 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I don't even know how the fuck that happened. I give up.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 10 months ago
[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 11 points 10 months ago

Except the ones with girlfriends called Ruth, obv

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago

Hah, jokes on you. I'm a DUMBass. :p

[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago

“Y’all’s eggs AREN'T chlorine washed? Ewww unsanitary”