Am I the Asshole?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/edenflicka on 2025-02-21 01:03:08.

Backstory: we’ve always wanted a Maine Coon. Got one a few years ago that turned out to be a wish.com Maine Coon.

One of our acquaintances runs a Maine Coon cattery and due to lack of genetic diversity needed to rehome their two male cats. We were offered one of the males at an extremely reduced rate, to ensure that he went somewhere where he would a) be treated like a prince and b) be neutered, and not just bred again.

Important context: we have a very skittish, came from a hoarding colony, seized by the council cat. She’s a rescue and our little angel who can do no wrong. She’s also not fond of other cats but tolerates cat #2 who’s affectionately known as the bitchcraft.

We thanked them for thinking of us as suitable and asked if he could come on a few days’ trial to see how the cats’ chemistry would be (1. Feb). Turns out he’s a total himbo and a very submissive cat, so while she isn’t fond of him, she’s also very quickly realised that he’s not going to try and beat her.

We accepted, and thought that was that.

Yesterday, 19/2, we got a message that they would like him back “for a few days”, because one of their girls weren’t pregnant like they thought she was.

We’re super hesitant, as they’ve only just started jelling + he’s scheduled to be neutered this coming Monday.

They then pushed on that they could pick him up in the morning and drop him off at night and that he’d “get the job done”.

We again said that we’re not comfortable with him leaving the house and they asked if they could instead bring the female to our house to breed.

Our girls are scheduled to be out of the house for a few hours this weekend, so we agreed, but now they’re talking about taking him with them.

We’re super uncomfortable with the whole situation since it was stipulated by them to get him neutered ASAP and now they want him back. We’re also worried they’d keep him beyond the “scheduled time” if he doesn’t breed her and then he’d miss his neuter.

They’re being super pushy and now doing some weird “do you know how much these cats sell for?” Spiel.

Our argument is that he’s only just stopped calling for his old household and that our girls would lose their mind if he came back smelling weird again. He’s also just a little baby cat (2) and isn’t titled.

AITA??

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/deenskees on 2025-02-20 23:40:19.

I (25F) recently attended a potluck-style work party, and brought punch, which has since caused a problem between myself and another coworker (42F), who we’ll call Sandy. Last week, my boss hosted a party at his house to celebrate the end of the busy season, and a job well done. All of my coworkers and their spouses were invited, and we decided it would work well to do a potluck to offset the cost of feeding everyone (about 35 people, since not everyone who came brought a spouse or significant other). I volunteered to make a punch that I’ve brought to previous work events that everyone said they enjoyed, as well as some fruit to go with it. This was a casual party with alcohol present, but since I have some coworkers who don’t drink, I didn’t add any alcohol to this punch, and figured that if people really wanted some they’d just add it themselves. Fast forward a couple hours, and Sandy is getting even louder and more dramatic than normal, and is stumbling around the party. I didn’t think much of it and figured she brought her own drinks, or was adding some of the hosts alcohol that was put out into something else. She suddenly fell off the chair she was sitting on, and made a big show of saying that it’s because she was so drunk- she then asked me, in front of the rest of our coworkers, what it was that I put in the punch. I was confused, and told her what was in it (just a mix of gingerale, 7up, orange juice, and a can of juice concentrate), and she wanted to know what alcohol I put in it, because she’s been drinking it all night, and is “really feeling it”. I told her that I didn’t put any alcohol in it, and asked if maybe someone else had spiked the punch bowl- nobody said they added anything, and one of my coworkers who doesn’t drink even said that they’d also been drinking the punch all evening, and was still completely sober. I also would like to clarify that I understand how context can matter, like if everyone else was really drunk then that can make even a sober person feel like they’re loaded, but that definitely was not the vibe- Sandy was the only person acting “drunk”. She then got really quiet, and went by herself to the bathroom. The rest of my coworkers and I exchanged some awkward glances, and tried to laugh it off. She left shortly after, and I received an angry text from her about how I shouldn’t have embarrassed her like that, and that now she looks like an “idiot” in front of our bosses, and the rest of our coworkers. She’s been hostile to me at work ever since, and is basically refusing to talk to me. I didn’t think I did anything wrong, and most of my coworkers agree with me, but some say that I should have just let her go on thinking that the punch was alcoholic to save her the embarrassment, and I’m wondering now if I’m in the wrong. AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/LemonNo98 on 2025-02-20 22:13:51.

I (19F) was recently informed of my ex-gf, Ava (21F) passing away. We hid our relationship due to her not feeling ready to come out, and while it wasn't a good relationship for either of us, I still care for her. I confided in a mutual friend about the true nature of our relationship (our friends were under the impression we were just really close friends who had a falling out). He didn't react well to the news, which was surprising to me, as he knew full well I am attracted to women. He went and told some of her friends who already dislike me. They made a group chat and slammed me for 'ruining her reputation' and revealing this information when 'her family is already dealing with a lot.' Should I have just kept quiet? I figured with her passing, it wasn't like anyone could harass her for her identity, and I didn't want to deny our relationship while I was grieving her. AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Bandit_the_kat on 2025-02-20 22:01:52.

So for some context i own a cat named Bandit (i will commonly refer to him as my cat in the story) and i take Bandit on walks and he has a phone number on his harness incase he gets out.

Now here is the story

I was on a walk with my cat and a kid and his mom walked up to us, and the kid asked if he could pet Bandit, I said no as Bandit's claws were rather long and i did not know how he would react, regardless the kid pet him and my cat scratched him, causing a rather deep cut. I apologized but also pointed out that i had earlier said no to the kid petting my cat so it was kind of on him, the kid's dad was rather understanding and said he would contact me so i could tell him what my cat was vaccinated against.

Fast forward 5 days and i get an ANGRY text from the kid's mom who likely got my number from the kid's dad saying that i need to pay the kid's hospital bill since he got an infection from the cut. I asked her to send it over and after looking at it the cause of the infection was not from my cat, but was from the cut remaining untreated/the kid was probably playing in the dirt. I refused to pay for it as the infection was not my cat's fault and the kid touched my cat without permission, then i blocked her.

I do feel lightly bad as on one hand as Bandit scratching the kid led to the infection, but on the other hand it was not Bandit's fault as he was not the root cause of the infection, them not treating it was, plus the kid touched my cat without permission and my cat felt it had to defend himself. Am i the bad guy in this situation?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/throwaway23984632 on 2025-02-20 20:40:48.

My wife (41F) and I(31M) got married in 2022. In 2023, I lost my job, and since then, we’ve struggled a lot to pay the bills. Thankfully, at the end of last year, I got a new job, which has given us a more comfortable life. We’ve been slowly paying off our debts and making plans for an emergency fund, moving to a better place, and buying a car, among other things.

Two weeks ago, my wife spent around half of our only credit card limit on beauty procedures—without telling me. She only told me three days after paying for them because she was terrified that I would get really mad and even consider divorcing her. I was indeed very upset at first, but seeing how anxious and sad she was, and knowing these were procedures she really wanted, I told her it was okay and that we’d figure it out. She also made it clear that she would personally cover the amount she spent.

What makes this situation even more surprising is that my wife has never done anything like this before. We’ve always been very transparent and honest with each other, especially when it comes to finances. So this was completely out of character and caught me off guard.

That said, the expense still left us with a much lower credit limit than we should have for the next few months. Without really thinking, I told her, “Well, then I’m going to buy my PS5 to balance things out.” I’ve been wanting one for years and saving up for it, and where I live, its price is pretty similar to what she spent. She agreed without hesitation.

But now I’m second-guessing myself. If I go through with the purchase, would I be the asshole?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Key_War1090 on 2025-02-20 19:57:01.

My daughter, “Annie” (20) has a friend, “Ophelia” (20). Ophelia has a complicated relationship with her parents. As I’ve known her family for 6 years, I’ve heard both sides. Her mom has admitted they were not always the best parents. I also know that Ophelia was not an easy child, which both Ophelia and her parents admit they (her parents) allowed to go on out of guilt due to the mistakes they made and Ophelia took advantage of that. She brought out some less than desirable behaviors in Annie at certain points and I’d have to remind my daughter that she isn’t her friend and that behavior won’t be tolerated in our home.

Annie still lives at home with me and her dad while she goes to college. Ophelia left home at 18 and moved to a city about an hour away. However, every Wednesday, she takes a train back to our city, has dinner with her parents and then links up with Annie for a bit before heading back to her apartment.

Yesterday, I got a call from Ophelia’s mom, panicked. Ophelia didn’t get off the train she was supposed to be on, wasn’t answering her cell phone, and didn’t get off any other trains that followed. I went to Annie’s room and asked if she had heard from Ophelia. She asked why and I explained the situation. Annie asked me to leave the room, phoned Ophelia, and when she hung up told me that she wasn’t giving me any information. I told her that her mom is worried sick. Annie said it’s none of Ophelia’s mom’s business where she is and she’s not going to tell me. I told her that Ophelia could be in trouble. Annie said she’s not, she’s an adult. I told her I was very disappointed in her and left the room. I told Ophelia’s mom that I don’t know the whole story but it seems like Ophelia is safe, which calmed her down some.

Later on, Annie told me that Ophelia said that her mom knew she wasn’t coming home this week. I said that Ophelia’s mom wouldn’t be in such a tizzy if that were true, and pointed out that Ophelia’s lied in the past. Annie told me I was ridiculous and put her in a tough spot. I told her when she’s a mom, she’ll understand.

My husband thinks I overstepped and shouldn’t have gotten involved. I said I’d be scared if one of our kids just didn’t come home one night. AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Admirable-Emotion77 on 2025-02-20 18:54:48.

I (20f) had a friend (19f) that was apart of our friend-group four of us since freshman year of high school.

The one friend we'll call her Cindy; during our senior year she met a guy we'll call him Josh (then 20 now 22); we all knew he was a creep right away (for example, he wouldn't let her hang out with us or any other friends unless he could come too, and she felt sorry for him because he didn't have any), but he would compulsively check us all out, be hyperactive like a young child, something was seriously mentally off with him but she was in love and refused to leave him.

We told her we didn't want him hanging out with us anymore because he made us uncomfortable so she stopped hanging out with us, she wasn't "allowed" unless he could come too. She only did a few times when he went on a trip with his family (that was her "loophole" I guess).

She went to college about 3 hours away, I go to local community college, one works for her family business and other friend went to cosmetology school nearby. So we all stayed in town.

She finally "saw the light" and broke up with him, he doesn't have a driver's license (she would come home every weekend to see him) so she's safe three hours away he can't get to her, all she has to do is block him or change her number and block on social media. Were stuck here in same town with him, he was harassing her all she had to do was block him so he started harassing us to try and get her to talk to him.

We just ignored him but he literally showed up at the cosmetology school of my one friend (her former friend) because we were ignoring his messages, he wanted her to talk to Cindy on his behalf and encourage her to take him back.

I got in contact with Cindy told her what happened and was said she needs to deal with this; she brought this miscreant into our lives and needs to fix this. She said she "cannot and will not be held responsible for his actions, and will not speak to him under and circumstances and what he did wasn't her fault, but we have her blessing to block him or contact the authorities or do what we gotta do."

It's not so simple; police are useless where we are they don't care about anything plus the one friend who works for family business her family are undocumented immigrants so were afraid something could happen to her family if we contact the police.

AITA for expecting Cindy to deal with him?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/PurplePercentage8386 on 2025-02-20 18:15:48.

My younger sister recently got her driver's license and has been asking to borrow my car frequently. I let them use it a couple of times, but each time she brings it back , there’s barely and fuel in it (fuel is getting really expensive for me) and once even with a small scratch. I tried talking to her about it but she didn't really take it seriously.

Last weekend, she asked to borrow it again for a road trip with her friends. I refused, explaining that I needed the car and that I wasn't comfortable lending it to her for such a long trip and incase anything happened to it , especially given her track record. She got really upset and mad and accused me of not trusting her and being overly protective of my car.

She hasn’t talked to me since , and my parents are saying I should be more supportive. I feel like she should get a job and save up for a car just like I did , but do you think I’m being too strict ?

EDIT : Thanks guys . Things have been very awkward and tense , like no one is really speaking 😬😬

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Impossible_Date_39 on 2025-02-20 17:55:56.

So my family just moved into a rental house for a few months after our house got flooded by a hurricane, anyways this house has 2 bathrooms and 2 showers, i have my own bathroom in my bedroom because i made a deal with my brother (14m) that he gets first pick of room in our permeant house if I got this room for ONLY 2 MONTHS(!!!) we both thought this was a totally fair deal, however shortly after moving in, the other shower broke making the one in my room the only available shower, I told my family they can absolutely use the shower until theirs is fixed however, please dont use it early in the morning because i am a extremely light sleeper and dont get enough as is, my brother had an issue with this seeing as he likes to get up early and shower for school. I told him to please dont do this because he gets up over an hour before me and i already only get about 4 hours of sleep a night. My brother threw at fit and got my parents involved, they took his side and said i was being selfish and mean. I honestly dont think i am, but im not sure so yall AITA?

Also I would like to point out this by early in the morning I mean 5 am, i did offer to switch rooms, he said no because he wants the video game desk, ive tried making deals he wont take any of them i told him he can use it LITERALLY ANY TIME FROM 6:30 am - 1 am but please not in between that.

EDIT: also i forgot to mention that he comes in and BLASTS HIS MUSIC at 5 am, ive talked to him about turning down the music and he told me to suck it up

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Mossy_333 on 2025-02-20 17:38:32.

So I [22 F] have this one roommate [20 F] that I've kinda always had issues with, her and I don't click and I don't mind that because it happens. But a last night I kinda got after her because I got tired of her treating my cat like she's hers.

I'm not sure if it's important but my cat is my ESA and I don't care that much if my roommates play with her she's still 5 months and needs quite a bit of play time. I had set some ground rules though. She's in my room so I told my roommates that I don't care if they take her out just message me or let me know. The other rule is that if they take her out they have to leave the door open so she can get to her litter box, food/water, etc. My room is also her space to go when she feels overwhelmed too.

This one roommate thought has taken her up to her room and closed the door to her room and my room a couple times and doesn't tell me. So everytime I'm searching for her freaking out a little that she got out. I've told this roommate a couple times to let me know and keep the doors open. She also will have friends over and introduce the cat as "this is my sweet girl!" even if I'm sitting there. Anyway last night I had gotten fed up with it because at 1 am I wanted to go to bed and I couldn't find my cat anywhere so I started shaking the treat box. I could hear jingling upstairs so I looked up the stairs and I watch this roommate CHUCK my cat out her door.

So I marched up there and confronted her, I did raise my voice a bit but Im pretty fed up with her. Now she's been calling me petty and childish, telling the other roommates I won't let her see my cat because I hate her (not true I didn't say she couldn't see the cat i just told her she needs to listen to the rules and stop treating my cat like it's hers). She's also been avoiding me telling the other roommates I screamed at her for no reason and that she's worried about continuing to live with me if I can't control my emotions around her. This situation isn't the only thing she's done but I'm wondering if ITA and if I should've handled it differently.

EDIT:

I've gotten quite a few comments about her being locked in my room and I think this is the best way to clarify: she isn't locked away in my room all day. Just when no one is home. We (my vet including) believe she has pica. Which is were she regularly consumes non-food material. I've been working with my vet with this. My room is the only place I can guarantee that she can't get something. So when no one is home she's in my room, which she's only in for a couple hours a day because my other two roommates let her out if I'm not home and they are . And I have a ton of toys and climbable things in there. I also take her on walks when the weather is nice to help with being locked up. I do not like leaving her in my room but it is for her safety. Similar to crating a dog. Sorry for any confusion this has caused

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Radio_show_22 on 2025-02-20 17:33:58.

My sister in law recently started dating my other sister in law's ex husband (aka her ex brother in law). My husband's family are planning a trip and SIL and her boyfriend will be going. I don't' want to go, because I feel like the relationship is weird and not okay. The SIL who's ex husband is now dating the sister, won't be going for obvious reasons. The relationship makes my husband uncomfortable as well, but he wants to go because it's still his family. AITA for staying home and making my husband go by himself?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Altruistic-Treat-169 on 2025-02-20 16:37:53.

My sister is in a sexless marriage. Husband has ED, is morbidly obese, and just cannot satisfy her needs. He’s a nice guy, and has PTSD due to fighting in a war, and is at times very depressed. He also cannot hold a job, and she always works at least 2 jobs to support them. He does get a disability, but is allowed to work because it’s not enough to even support himself.

Sister decided to start dating married men on a site that matches up married people who just want sex. She is actively “dating” 5 guys, but thinks she’s in love with several. A couple have offered to leave their spouses for her. One says he has a wife who is dying, and intimates that they will be together when wife passes.

I have told sister that these guys are cheaters and liars, and she probably shouldn’t believe a word they say. In the meantime, she openly texts them and sends nudes to these guys. Often her husband takes the pics, being told that she is making a sexy photo album for him.

He seems oblivious as he’s pretty self absorbed and focuses on his problems, hobbies, etc. He’s a bit of a buffoon, but doesn’t deserve the disrespect.

Several months ago I told sister that I don’t want to talk about her sexual conquests. I don’t want to be used as an alibi for her cheating. I think that bad karma is coming her way if she continues down this path.

Also, I consider her husband a brother and trusted friend. I don’t think he’s a good husband, but he’s a good person, and she should just ask for an open marriage or be honest with him about what’s going on, or divorce him.

She says she doesn’t tell him due to his fragile mental health, but I think she’s hedging her bets. This has been a pattern with her throughout life. She cheats until she gets a new guaranteed relationship, and then leaves the old one. Also, she has zero problem sleeping with married men.

Husband doesn’t cook or clean, and expects her to provide dinner and other meals for him, or he just won’t eat. He’s spoiled, and she set the tone of that relationship early on. That’s been their dynamic since the beginning.

I do understand her frustration, but I cannot support the cheating and what she is doing to the other wives. If one is dying, I think it’s evil to be hooking up with her husband.

Sister says I need to be a nonjudgmental friend to her, and support her while she figures out her life. I told her that it’s too triggering for me to watch her texting other men, and no matter the situation, she continues to feed me play by plays of her escapades.

She says I’m just jealous of all of the attention she gets. I am not jealous. I’m disgusted and feel guilty and burdened. I won’t tell her husband for fear of what he might do to himself, he has a history of threatening self harm.

I know that in these situations, the truth ALWAYS comes out. I’ve just taken a step back from our relationship, and I don’t call or text her anymore. We have always been so close, but I just can’t be a part of this.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/FinalDestinationxoxo on 2025-02-20 16:52:27.

AITA for kicking my sister’s boyfriend out because he wasn’t contributing?

I lived with my sister for years, and at some point, she invited her boyfriend to move in with us because he didn’t have enough money for a place of his own. She saw it as normal since we had the resources, but I wasn’t comfortable with the situation.

Over time, problems started arising, and I felt like this arrangement wasn’t working. He wasn’t contributing financially, and I felt it wasn’t fair for me to keep supporting him indirectly. So, after a lot of arguments, I made the decision to ask him to leave.

However, my sister kept insisting on bringing him back. Even after he moved out and found a job, he still didn’t rent a place of his own. Instead, they kept bouncing between different places until she got tired and tried to convince me to let him move back in again.

Now, they’re planning to get married in three months, but he still hasn’t secured his own place. I can’t help but feel like he’s waiting for her to rent a home so they can split the cost—or that he expects her to support him the way she did before.

I made my decision a year ago because I wanted to set a boundary and push him to be more independent. But seeing how things have played out, I’m questioning the decision I made .

AITA for kicking him out?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Any_Athlete_4616 on 2025-02-20 15:42:10.

So, I was on Bet365 with a friend, and I had €5 in my balance. We decided to play roulette, and I let him place the bets using my account. He ended up turning my €5 into €75.

After that, he started saying that I owed him €70. I was pretty shocked because it was my money and my account. We never had any agreement that he would get the winnings—he was just the one placing the bets.

To keep the peace, I ended up giving him €45, which I thought was more than fair. But instead of being grateful, he still called me “sneaky” for not giving him the full €70.

I asked another mutual friend for their opinion, expecting them to agree with me, but instead, they said I was being a rat and that I actually did owe him more. That really threw me off, because to me, it seems obvious that I was already being generous.

So now I’m second-guessing myself. AITA?

Edit: Forgot to mention I was willing to split half the earnings but when he got greedy I got pissed and wanted to keep all for myself.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Big_Words29 on 2025-02-20 15:34:37.

I have a pregnant co worker who is due early next month. To my knowledge she has no set leave date, though this week could be her last. We work remotely. Our work material is entirely computer based.

This week she decided that she wasn’t going to be doing her work items and set the expectation that those covering during her leave should start this week. She is still logging on daily.

It makes sense for those that maybe had to learn new tasks and might want input or support. In my personal case I had nothing new to learn and am very familiar with the work I am covering for her.

I pushed back on work she expected me cover early in the week and am now in a stand off waiting for her to reach out and tell me I need to do another of her tasks. When I pushed back I said that I assumed she was online so everything was as normal.

I feel a little heartless pushing back and asking her to continue to do her own work but at the same time why log on if you have no intent to do any work? It is not something that I would do or expect of my co workers. I only rely on the coverage of others if I am not able to do the work myself.

So tell me…am I being heartless here or do I have a little ground to stand on?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/No-Conference8095 on 2025-02-20 14:50:55.

I [19M] was kicking a ball around my kitchen and my mother said “it would be nice if you did that with your niece”, even though I was literally playing soccer with her in the house like last week. She just said it as if I never play with my niece, which isn’t true. I told I do play with her I was playing with her last week and she said something like “yeah every once in a while, it would be nice if you did it a bit more” and then she had the audacity to say “remember who kicked a ball around with you when you were younger”.. as if I’m my neices parent or something.

I said to her yeah but I’m not her parent I don’t have to play with her and she went on a whole rant about how my niece loves spending time with me, basically just a guilt trip. My niece [2] lives in the same house as me so I’m around her enough without having to play with her for hours a day.

My mother is just acting like I never spend any time with her and the fact that she brought up spending more time with her to me and not the actual parent of the child is crazy to me.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Evening-Grass4617 on 2025-02-20 14:33:59.

My (23F) boyfriend (23M) and I have been together for 7 years and live in a one bedroom, one bathroom apartment. I handle most of the household chores dishes, laundry, and general cleaning but one thing I ask him to do is clean the toilet when he leaves stains after using it.

Almost every morning, I wake up to find marks in the toilet from his poop. Since we only have one bathroom, I have to see it first thing when I go to use the restroom. I’ve asked him repeatedly to take a moment to clean it before he leaves for work, but he usually forgets or says he’ll do it later. When I bring it up, he says he’ll clean it when he gets home about eight hours later.

I don’t feel like I should have to leave it sitting there all day and use the bathroom over it like a porta potty in my own home. To me, it seems like a basic expectation to clean up after yourself, especially when I take care of most of the other housework. He thinks I’m overreacting and that I should just wait for him to do it when he gets home.

AITA for expecting him to clean up immediately rather than waiting until later?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/erodazels on 2025-02-20 14:30:44.

Hi, I (23F) am in a friend group with three other girls (all 23F). I've been single for two years, and the rest are all in committed relationships, the shortest being eight months and the longest being almost two years. Ever since they all started dating, our hangouts have turned to triple dates, with me as an extra, and we never hang out as just the four of us anymore. I'm not too put off by this, as their boyfriends are all super nice and I enjoy being friends with them.

Somewhere along the way, one of my friends, 'Maya', started a tradition of taking a 'seventh wheel photo', where I stand alone staring at the camera and the three couples doing couple-y things (e.g. holding hands, hugging, etc.) around me. We all found it funny at first, and we always get a lot of likes and comments whenever we share these photos online. It did get a bit tedious for me after a couple months of doing this at every hangout, but my friends got upset when I suggested stopping it or at least doing it less. So, the tradition continues.

Fast forward to this month, when they texted in our groupchat about having Valentine's Day dinner together. I didn't respond for a while, because 1. I was at work, and 2. I figured it was a romantic thing so I wouldn't be invited. However, they started getting frustrated at me not replying and 'Maya' called me to ask if I could make it. I asked if they really wanted me seventh-wheeling them on Valentine's Day, to which she replied "Of course, we have to continue our tradition! How can we take the photo without our main character there?"

I got annoyed at this and told her that I needed to work that day and can't make it. So, on Valentine's Day, they went on a triple date and I stayed home to watch movies with my roommate. However, I've been thinking about how uncomfortable taking those photos have been making me, but wonder if it's something worth voicing out and potentially having an argument about, as my friends seem really excited about taking it each time.

WIBTA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/liaanneea1 on 2025-02-20 11:00:47.

I have a friend who well call lily (not real name). She is a playfull person who gets offended easily. I usually don’t and even if I do, I don’t show it usually. Last week when we left school and was waiting for the bus. I realized the bus was late. I told my friend to check if the bus was canceled. She said she doesn’t know how and I should check it. I reached for my phone but it wasn’t there. I panicked like hell. I just bought that phone which was fairly expensive for our family. I started panicking and looking for it. My bag,pockets,floor everywhere I could think of. I was on the verge of tears and I have to say that I have heart problems and I don’t take this stuff well. Especially when I forgot to take my medicine that day. I felt like I was going to faint,my heart was pumping out of my chest. I was so bad that I was going to call an ambulance. And she knows that I have heart problems and I’m on medication. So I just rushed back to school hoping I forgot it in class or dropped it somewhere. Then she called my name and took the phone out of her pocket. I snapped and took the phone immediately. I started yelling so loud that the whole street could hear me. She told me to stop and it was just a prank.We didnt talked for the rest of the day. She didnt apologized but I did. I’m wondering if I overreacted. Did I do the right thing by apologizing? Maybe she should have apologized not me. I need some opinion.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Hedonism_Enjoyer on 2025-02-20 08:48:30.

I (27M) have a friend (23F) who lives in California. She frequently shoplifts from major retailers, justifying that she can get away with it both because of the state's questionable theft laws and for the fact she's "less likely to be profiled" on account of being a White woman. Most of our arguments have made for several hour long back-and-forths, often to no avail.

Recently, my friend met another woman who she intended to be in a relationship with. This woman checked off a lot of boxes, and I could tell my friend was particularly excited. However, when my friend's crush learned that she was a shoplifter, she broke off contact because she didn't want to be exposed to a "bad influence."

My friend returned to me, complaining about this falling out and how upset she was over it. After I asked her to explain the reason and she did, I told her that most people don't support stealing (especially because she's not exactly stealing to survive. She mostly pilfers books, makeup, and other recreational products that she does not want to pay for with her full time job). I then asked Friend if there might be something to learn from this, to which she replied, "Keep things to myself / lie more." When I told her that might not have been the right message, she groused that, "She doesn't know why she tells me things."

Considering that Friend is Christian and constantly argues against "sinful" behavior (such as premarital sex), it's extremely frustrating to me that she can't seem to grasp why stealing is wrong. Am I wrong to have brought it up when she complained about her failed crush and should I have been more supportive, or is she simply refusing to learn a basic lesson about morality and social contracts?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/No_Sun4767 on 2025-02-20 07:54:25.

I (27F) am not going to my brothers (30M) wedding, nor have I responded to his RSVP or his texts.

The backstory:

I had the type of childhood I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. That’s not saying it was all bad, I was privileged and afforded opportunities that I’m extremely grateful for. But, the things my brother did to me, the abuse I endured from him, I wouldn’t wish on anyone. And my parents never really knew about it.

My brother moved out of the country when he was 18, so the abuse stoped. But it took me till I had moved out of my childhood home, 3 years later, also at 18, to realize what happened during my adolescence with my brother was not okay and was in fact abuse. It took another 8 years for me to realize that I can choose who I want in my life and who I don’t want. And about a year and half ago, I realized that I didn’t want my brother in my life.

If I got married I wouldn’t want my brother there, if I had kids, I would never have my brother around them. I accepted that I didn’t want him in my life and it was okay to not be a part of his life. So one day, I just stopped responding to his occasional texts, Essentially, I guess, I ghosted my brother.

About 6months after this decision my brother sent out wedding invites. He is having two weddings and I immediately knew I was not going to either. I didn’t want to go. So I didn’t respond.

My parents obviously really want me to go, even offering to pay for flights and the hotel. But I kept pushing it off, citing school. But my mom went ahead and booked a hotel room and in no uncertain terms, basically RSVPed for me.

When my mom came to visit me I sat her down and told her that I didn’t want a relationship with my brother. I even told her very vague details about his abuse. She was obviously upset, but she apologized for not being there for me during, and understood my reasoning for not wanting a relationship, and she wouldn’t push the wedding anymore. She also stated that she would talk with my father when she got home. I kindly asked that she cancel anything she booked for me for the wedding. That was about 4 months ago.

About a week ago, my mom finally canceled the hotel room, but I guess that also meant that people started noticing I wasn’t coming. In the last week I have received 2 phone calls and 4 texts from my dad asking me to reconsider and come to the wedding. In addition, my mom has texted me asking me to tell my brother why I won’t come. And my brother has been texting me asking me why, and to reconsider. I have basically avoided and not responded to any of these messages or requests. I know it’s not the best solution, but it makes me really anxious, and avoidance is my go to anxiety response. But what better option is there? How else could I shut down there requests for me to come without disclosing the abuse? Thus, I’ve ghosted…

So, am I the asshole for not going to my brother’s wedding and ghosting everyone?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/sunny_dayz1547 on 2025-02-20 07:38:29.

My 28 y/o niece (on my husbands side) was away at college and struggling one day… called me sad, crying, and desperate. Her Mom and Stepdad were in Europe traveling. She was lonely and depressed. I told her she was welcome to come visit for the weekend and she was so happy to do so. I bought her a plane ticket and we picked her up from the airport. She was under pressure from her parents and school and we just lent her a pressure free environment, drank wine, and listened. We assessed that she was okay and there was no reason for concern. She didn’t want to tell her mom she was at our house and asked us not to either. We agreed and said it’s her story to tell…. but we also won’t lie if asked. She is also 28 going to college out of state (as are my own kids and I go week(s) at a time without hearing from them).

Her mom didn’t hear from her in a day or two so she went on to call all of her friends to find out where she was…got wind she was at our house and went OFF on us. Scathing barrage of text messages, berating voice messages. Made us to be villains. I didn’t want to deal with it so I ended up ignoring her.

Was I wrong for not calling her mom and secretly telling her mom she was at my house? AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Pennyinmypocket12 on 2025-02-20 06:33:14.

Back story: I 37f have a friend A 24f, we met at uni and became close friends. A had a difficult home life and an abusive parent so during second year I offered the spare room in my house for her to live in rent free until she was on her feet. When she did get an income I only charged minimal board that was less than 1/3 her income and included everything but her own needs (toiletries etc). We became extremely close and she was an integral part of my family. When my husband and I separated she was a fantastic support and was extremely close with my 2 children M10 & M12 (both of which attend boarding school).

We graduated together and while I got a job in our field of study, she struggled. Fast forward to end of 2024 when we both applied for an interstate job we both wanted and we were both accepted. She almost seemed disappointed that I also got this job.

We relocated and since we got here she completely cut ties with me and has stopped talking to me completely. I have tried to ask her if everything is ok but she has blown me off telling me she “can’t deal with me right now” or that I’m “making her feel like a bad friend”. So I have just given her space and left her be. If I’m honest, I feel extremely used, she lived in my home as a member of my family for over 18mths and it’s almost like now she doesn’t need cheap rent, she doesn’t want anything to do with me.

But I have since been getting calls for rental references for her in which she has been telling realtors that she rented a house from me and was paying significantly more than she was. She hasn’t asked me if this would be ok with me or even told me she was doing it. I have since given honest references explaining the living situation she was in and I was also honest in saying she damaged property and also failed to keep her bathroom clean or contribute to cleaning communal living areas. She has terrible credit and no rental history and is struggling to find a rental property (I already have one). AITA for not lying for a rental reference for her, I feel bad, but at the same time think that if I’m not good enough to talk to or acknowledge than I’m not obligated to do favours for her.

Edit: for clarification I haven’t given her home life history, just that she was a boarder and how much she paid and when I’ve been asked how about her cleanliness I have answered honestly. I’ve not given information that I haven’t been directly asked for.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/DJohnson0603 on 2025-02-20 05:55:38.

I (28M) yelled at my sister in law (31F) for embarrassing my wife (27F). My wife is 6 months PP and was helping her sister get ready for a family get together. My wife was moving things around and picked up a bag of dog food and peed herself because of it. My sister in law who doesn’t have kids btw found it hilarious and decided to tell everybody about it. My wife was embarrassed about it and I confronted my sister in law saying she had no idea what my wife had been through and that if she knew, she wouldn’t be making fun of her.

Btw this isn’t the first time she’s tried to embarrass my wife

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/rayyzz8920 on 2025-02-20 02:23:40.

AITA for swearing when far from my friend when she said that she isnt comfortable with it?

For context, My name is ray and i admit, I do have alot of issues with my language. my friend "A" has expressed that she is not comfortable with swearing and i have accepted that and i have not sworn around her since.

On the bus i had a good few friends and people to talk to and obviously i would talk to them, A was also on the same bus as me and would sit near me. I swear alot so obviously while talking to my friends i would incorprate that into my sentences. On this particular day I will agree that i WAS swearing alot but at the time i didnt even realize it as it just slips out of my mouth.

A's stop was coming up very soon and she would fall asleep alot on the bus so i looked to see if she was awake. She wasnt so i woke her up by just lightly shaking her back to get her concious. My stop is right before A's stop so i get home before her. I walk in through the door and im just chilling on my couch watching a movie when i get a message from my groupchat including my friend group that says something along the lines of "Due to a toxic relationship I am removing myself from this group, I hope you guys (more specifically Ray) won't be rude and spread rumours. If P (one of my friends in the group) wants to be friends with ray I'm perfectly fine with that and I'm not gonna force people to stop interacting with him, goodbye."

Obviously i am confused and i was thinking this was about how i woke her up on the bus.

I continue to tell her "If this is about how i woke you up on the bus then sorry. I genuinely have never spread a rumour about you or anyone in my life and dont plan on it. The only thing i can understand is you being mad at me for waking you up on the bus and again im sorry for that. It would be great if you could elaborate on exactly WHAT i done so i can try and fix it."

She responds by saying "What you mostly done was swearing, which made me very uncomfortable and anxious. Therefore im no longer being friends with you."

Mind you, She sent these messages on my mothers phone and i was responding on her phone because my mother was confused and so was I. I respond with "If you arent comfortable with my vocabulary then maybe not being my friend is a good decision. You've known from the start of our friendship that I have issues with my vulgar language and it just slides out of my mouth. If you find that "rude" of me then that is a you problem and i suggest you work on that."

I then tell her im sorry for anything i may have done and send her a picture of my contact information following with "if you would like to have a conversation about this and maybe work it out then add this contact." I send her a message from my phone basically summing up my points and my perspective on the situation so that she may pipe down.

She proceeds to leave me on read and i havent heard from her since

So reddit, AITA?