The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Pennyinmypocket12 on 2025-02-20 06:33:14.
Back story: I 37f have a friend A 24f, we met at uni and became close friends. A had a difficult home life and an abusive parent so during second year I offered the spare room in my house for her to live in rent free until she was on her feet. When she did get an income I only charged minimal board that was less than 1/3 her income and included everything but her own needs (toiletries etc). We became extremely close and she was an integral part of my family. When my husband and I separated she was a fantastic support and was extremely close with my 2 children M10 & M12 (both of which attend boarding school).
We graduated together and while I got a job in our field of study, she struggled. Fast forward to end of 2024 when we both applied for an interstate job we both wanted and we were both accepted. She almost seemed disappointed that I also got this job.
We relocated and since we got here she completely cut ties with me and has stopped talking to me completely. I have tried to ask her if everything is ok but she has blown me off telling me she “can’t deal with me right now” or that I’m “making her feel like a bad friend”. So I have just given her space and left her be. If I’m honest, I feel extremely used, she lived in my home as a member of my family for over 18mths and it’s almost like now she doesn’t need cheap rent, she doesn’t want anything to do with me.
But I have since been getting calls for rental references for her in which she has been telling realtors that she rented a house from me and was paying significantly more than she was. She hasn’t asked me if this would be ok with me or even told me she was doing it. I have since given honest references explaining the living situation she was in and I was also honest in saying she damaged property and also failed to keep her bathroom clean or contribute to cleaning communal living areas. She has terrible credit and no rental history and is struggling to find a rental property (I already have one). AITA for not lying for a rental reference for her, I feel bad, but at the same time think that if I’m not good enough to talk to or acknowledge than I’m not obligated to do favours for her.
Edit: for clarification I haven’t given her home life history, just that she was a boarder and how much she paid and when I’ve been asked how about her cleanliness I have answered honestly. I’ve not given information that I haven’t been directly asked for.