Gullible

>be Filthy Frank
>gradually develop legitimate performing career
>scrub the internet of old shitposts as best as possible
>become Joji
>eventually people forget about Frank
>gain increasing fame and fortune
>performing one night in packed coliseum
>crowd is losing their minds to see Joji sing
>come out on stage in pinkguy costume
>stage is decorated to look like Frank's old apartment
>start performing all the hits from the Filthy Frank days
>"I eat ass", "Finna bust a nut", "Peanut butter on my balls, let the dog lick it", all the hits
>joined on stage by the old crew
>audience is in tears of shock and sadness
>turns out Joji was just the setup for the ultimate trolling of normies
>he got 'em one last time

>work at small local restaurant as a waiter
>get fired because the manager is a bitch and was upset at me not selling bough desserts
>make a few fake google accounts posing as old people and over the course of a week i leave 3 star reviews saying shit like "what happened to the nice waiter?"
>convince a few friends to do the same
>review bomb the resturant and it goes from 4.5 stars to 3.5 in no time
>mfw at the end of the month i get called by the manager saying she wants me back
>over the next month i slowly change all the reviews from 3 stars to 5
>get a raise
>mfw

Lividpepe.png
>be me
>have freakout on antidepressant, go to psych hospital
>nurse asks if I hear voices
>say "yours" being a smart ass
>her eyes get big and she walks away
>weeks later reading medical records
>patient thinks he can read minds
>this fucking … seriously
>psychology was better when everyone was on cocaine talking about dicks

Wagie thread?
>Be me
>Work at McDonald's and don't talk to anyone
>On fryers one day when coworker approaches me
>"Hey anon, what's fresh?"
>"Nothing much, how about you?"

He was on break and wanted some chicken.

>be on vacation in Mexico with mom and gf
>get seawater in ear, ear infection develops
>gets bad
>like REALLY bad
>they think I'm just being dramatic, pissy and not wanting to do anything but eat aspirin and lie in the room
>wake up in the morning with pillow stuck to the side of my head
>wtf
>peel it off, pillow covered in blood, hair matted with blood
>doyoufuckingbelievemenow.gif
>go to Mexican hospital
>specialist is called in on his day off
>goes into my ear with exploratory camera
>sees problem, it's a mass of infected flesh resulting from damage to the ear canal from a previous infection and never healed right
>goes in with this little vacuum thing and camera and sucks it right the fuck out

I'm not exaggerating when I say it was THE single most amazing feeling l've ever felt. I literally said to my gf as we were walking out that that little Mexican man had just pleased me in ways you could never even hope to achieve. It was like $400 all said and done. 10/10 experience would recommend

>be me
>highschool gym class
>shirts vs skins
>take off shirt
>gym teacher sees my bruises
>get called into office
>asked if bruises are from home
>no these are from school
>oh ok
>never chosen for skins again
>thanks gym teacher

>Footballer Achraf Hakimi's wife filed for divorce and demanded half of his property.
>She was however informed by court that her "Millionaire' husband owns nothing as all his property is registered under his mother's names.
>Hakimi receives €1 Million from PSG monthly but 80% of this is deposited in his mother Mrs. Fatima's account.
>He has no property, cars, houses, jewelry or even clothes in his name.
Anytime, he wants anything, he asks his mother who buys it for him.

>Feel like I should be doing something
>Don't know what
>Vague sense of uneasiness that I'm not doing it

>be me, gay guy in high school
>get physically abused at home
>Learn to despise my own weakness
>want to be strong, to be a predator instead of prey
>beat up weak and vulnerable boys at school who remind me of my own weakness
>it makes me feel powerful and safe
>get out of school and into adulthood
>decide to try dating apps
>meet cute twink on bumble
>we go on a date together
>he's exactly the kind of guy I would have beaten up in high school
>weak, sensitive, soft
>shy at first, but starts to open up more as we get to know each other.
>whenever I'm nice to him he gets really blushy and cute
>enjoy complimenting him or touching him to get a reaction out of him
>It makes me feel like he's mine, my possession
>go on a couple more dates
>he's physically clingy, likes it when I hold his hand or put my arm around him
>I start to grow attached to him
>want to protect him, want to make him smile
>one date, we start talking about growing up
>I don't tell him about my dad because I don't want to appear weak
>he tells me about how he got bullied in school
>tells me how other boys would beat him and laugh at him
>starts crying a little
>wipes his eyes and apologizes
>I feel really guilty
>that’s what I did to other boys
>that’s what I would have done to him
>guilt eats me alive
>I start drinking to cope
>one night I'm completely plastered and I can't take it anymore
>call him up and tell him the truth
>tell him all the details about the other guys and what I did to them
>tell him I would have bullied him too
>hear him start crying again
>tell him he should break up with me because I'm a horrible person
>he starts speaking and can hear the tears in his voice
>he says it really means a lot to him that I feel remorse for what I did
>says he always felt like he deserved it and it makes him feel better that I see what I did as wrong
>says he's going to drive over
>comes to my place
>takes my liquor away from me and wont let me drink anymore

Continued

>sits down next to me
>asks me why I did it
>I tell him everything
>how my dad beat the shit out of me
>how I wanted to prove I wasn't weak
>how I took it out on other boys
>he hugs me
>tells me he's so sorry that happened to me
>says I don't have to hurt anyone anymore
>tells me he forgives me
>says he still likes me and still wants to be my boyfriend
>hold him like a body pillow while I fall asleep
>wake up next morning with a splitting headache
>he makes me eggs and toast for breakfast
>he has a smile on his face
>sit down at the table and eat with him
>he's really bubbly and talkative, which is good because I'm too hung over to say much
>gives me a hug as I walk out the door
>feel like I don't deserve him
>but want to try to be the man he sees in me

Anonymous
>>33955222(OP)
You have to get him pregnant

>be me, 8 years old
>it's Christmas Eve and I'm excited and preparing to stay up late to see Santa Claus
>sometime around midnight, I hear jingle bells and rush out of bed to get a glimpse of Santa
>while Santa is placing my gifts by the tree, the window next to him shatters as a dark figure rushes into the house with a sledge hammer and slams it into Santa's head
>he literally caves Santa's head in so hard his eyeball pops out.
>hearing all the commotion, my dad rushes down from his bedroom, grabs a knife and starts wrestling the man
>during the scuffle my dad somehow disembowels the guy and I watch as my dad finally puts him down while his intestines fall out
>a few days later my dad sits me down and tells me that the attacker was some local meth head who went on a drug induced rampage and that "Santa" was really my grandpa who had visited us earlier in the day
>mfw I find out Santa Claus isn't real

>be me
>was kinda popular in HS
>our friend group had an orbiter and we all stuck around after graduation
>now in college
>orbiter has gotten closer with some members of the friend group I guess
>he gets on my nerves because he can't just find his own group
>last week he texts me
>"hey man do you wanna grab lunch together? I'm buying"
>think he's just trying to suck up to me
>say sure but blow him off
>he texts me again a couple days later
>"we can just grab a beer if you want, I just wanna catch up"
>why wont this guy take the hint
>just leave him on read
>ffw like two weeks
>find out from my friends that he asked each of us individually if we wanted to grab dinner
>everybody else said yes
>find out he got a big inheritance and gave each of them around $1000
>his "best friend" he bought a new phone and gave him $4000 for tuition

guys i fucked up bad. 1000 dollars would unironically change my life right now