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We've been getting some weird posts lately that... Well, they're not making me think it's gotta be an Onion headline, that's for sure.

So just a little refresher. Posts should be:

  1. Links to news stories from…
  2. …credible sources, with…
  3. …their original headlines, that…
  4. …would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

If it's not Onion-y, it doesn't belong here. Bizarre, horrific, and violent news can be here if the headline reads like something out of The Onion, but if it doesn't, it's going away. And if there's too much non-Onion-like content from an account, that account is going away, too.

If you're not sure whether the real news headline you've found is like The Onion, here's a few sample Onion headlines from today:

  • "Visiting Friend Pleasantly Surprised By City’s Open Hostility Toward Homeless People"
  • "Increasingly Powerful Trans Person Capable Of Using Every Single Bathroom At Once"
  • "Man Feels Like Bystanders Are Arguing For Him To Put Gun Down In Bad Faith"
  • "Wally The Emotional Support Alligator Went To See The Phillies"
  • ‘New York Times’ Issues Apology For Reporting Palestinian Deaths

See? Find headlines from real news outlets that remind you of headlines like those. And just to prove my point: One of them is real.

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submitted 19 hours ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ca/post/24380086

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submitted 21 hours ago* (last edited 21 hours ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

WARWICKSHIRE, ENGLAND—Bray claimed that the sword was a “fidget” – something to keep his hands busy. He had bought it online as a fidget toy. On 8 June 2024, officers were made aware through CCTV operators of a man – Anthony Bray – walking down Queens Road, Nuneaton with something in his hand. Bray approached officers with the item in his hand visible, at which point he was arrested as he was carrying a bladed article.

Officers tried to explain to Bray that, despite its intended purpose, it was in fact a sharply pointed item which could be used as a weapon and might put others in fear of it being used against them.

In addition to the four months in prison, Bray is required to pay a victims’ surcharge of £154.

Sgt Spellman of the Patrol Investigations Unit said “We take a zero tolerance to bladed articles in public, and Bray has fallen afoul of this.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/erikkain/2024/07/03/zelda-master-sword-gets-man-4-months-prison-time-but-theres-more-to-the-story/:

What’s missing from every report about this I could find, and what is so crucial to understanding this story, however is that Anthony Bray is a repeat offender with a long rap sheet and numerous prison sentences, several of which were for burglary including serial burglary. In 2011, Bray was convicted and sentenced to four years in prison after getting “three strikes” for burgling residences. But his run-ins with the law go back to 1989 and he was in court numerous times throughout the 90s as well.

The last wrinkle to this story is the very real problem with knife violence in the UK. Warwickshire is in the Midlands where knife violence is higher than any other region, higher even than in London. There were 5,234 knife offenses in the region in 2023 alone including a number of murders. Perhaps it is through this lens that we should view the arrest and prison sentence of Anthony Bray.

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submitted 1 day ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

Crossposted from [email protected]

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submitted 1 day ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

cross-posted from: https://feddit.org/post/445597

A ban on politicians lying will be brought in before the 2026 Senedd [the Welsh parliament] elections, the Welsh government has promised.

Counsel General Mick Antoniw [...] promised that the law would disqualify Senedd politicians and candidates found guilty of deliberate deception from being a Member of the Senedd (MS). [...] It is not yet clear whether the proposed law would make lying a criminal offence or a civil sanction. [...] Mr. Antoniw said it was a "matter that goes to the heart of everyone".

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submitted 4 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ca/post/23992689

Archive/mirror: https://archive.ph/zoBGi

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submitted 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

Credits to: @[email protected]

EDIT: they’ve changed the article’s original title :(

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Snyder v. US is the Republican justices’ latest decision weakening anti-corruption laws.

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Too bad I'm in menopause.

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cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/16933715

Florida man sneezes his intestines out of his body at restaurant

I try to read all the articles I post but for this one I noped out after 1 sentence. Enjoy!

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Not The Onion

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Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

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