this post was submitted on 20 Nov 2023
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Lemmy Shitpost

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top 41 comments
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[–] [email protected] 39 points 1 year ago (6 children)

I love dogs. I had one as a teen and never had one since. I called him Coffee because it was an easy unusual name that was unique. Not many people drank coffee in our family back then.

But I never in my life could ever understand people who 'kissed' their pet. I have a friend with a tiny dog and she loves picking it up, kissing it and letting the dog lick her lips.

I always just keep imagining that this is the same pet that licks its butt and the butts of other dogs when they get together, or doesn't mind digging into the garbage, licking rotting food or taste testing random feces it found.

[–] [email protected] 54 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I kiss my wife and I lick her butt too.

[–] Imgonnatrythis 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

But does she lick your butt?

[–] Socsa 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

I can't speak for OP but their wife definitely licks my butt.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] Socsa 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You mean approximately 99% of the current lemmy userbase?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

We need our own repetitive jokes on lemmy!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

We do the same as well .... but that's the only taint I would go near ... I don't like the idea of getting involved with any other human or any other species or any combination or quantity in between.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Well they also shit and don't wipe and that's never given a second thought. It's mostly clean after sure but let's not kid ourselves, they're getting shit particles on stuff. If you let your dog on any furniture, which like cmon why wouldn't you, then that's another contradiction. They are definitely getting nasty things on them and you end up laying on the couch one night without a thought, again.

You also have mites that live in your eyelashes. The world is a pretty gross place and being grossed out by some dog saliva, when they just wanna love you, is a weird double standard that I'd have to reconcile if I agreed.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago (3 children)

My dog will eat condoms and menstrual pads out of the trash and drink piss water in the toilet the the kids never flushed. I'll never let that sicko lick my face

[–] Imgonnatrythis 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Mine does the same! Disgusting little fucker. He tries to eat my dirty undies too and eats his own vomit. When he comes up and gently gives me a little wet kiss on the face, I friggin melt. Some things are just worth it I guess. There are probably worse ways to die. I try not to think about it too much (we are all getting pretty good at that these days as a coping mechanism aren't we?)

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

My dogs like to go into the trash too, so you know what I do? I keep the trash bins in cupboards and closed rooms.

They'd also drink out of the toilet, but you know what I do? I close the lid.

I get that with kids it would be hard to be consistent with these things, but there really are some very simple solutions.

[–] [email protected] -4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Do you think those things permanently become a part of their mouth or something?

How do you feel about kissing people? Think of the things they’ve done in the past… This doesn’t really hold water.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (2 children)

You can be reasonably sure your SO has not drunk out of the toilet today. Your dog, less so.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Speak for yourself buddy. /s

[–] Socsa 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

No kink shaming on lemmy this is a safe space

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

Same. It's a level above fucking disgusting. And I love my dog like my kids.

[–] Immersive_Matthew 2 points 1 year ago

We worry about it germs, but not the chemicals in our environment actually causing long term health issues.

[–] [email protected] -1 points 1 year ago

Humans actually have more bacteria in their mouths than dogs, and most of the diseases we have aren’t zoonotic amongst each other so you’re actually a higher risk for smooching a human.

The only real risk is if you feed your dog raw chicken or they live with a litter box. So go ahead and kiss up! The world could always use more love, and it’s delightful for both parties!

[–] Lucidlethargy -1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Yeah, I've seldom not had a family dog in my home over the years, and I think that's disguising. If my dog accidently gets me even remotely near the mouth, I scrub my face and gargle vodka.

Despite the misinformation on this subject in our society, dog's mouths are NOT "clean"!

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Perhaps part of the reason the idea that “a dog’s mouth is cleaner than a human’s mouth” came to be so widely believed is that we don’t typically swap diseases with our dogs when we swap saliva. You are not going to get the flu from a dog kiss, but you might get it from kissing a human loved one.

Most of the bacteria in your dog’s mouth are not zoonotic, which means you probably won’t get a disease from a big old doggy kiss. There are exceptions to this. Dogs that are fed a raw diet are at an increased risk of contracting salmonella, which can be spread to humans, and you really don’t want to share kisses with a dog that regularly raids the litter box.

In other words, kissing your dog is less risky than kissing another human

Good luck out there!

[–] [email protected] 34 points 1 year ago (2 children)

No they don't. Skeletons aren't real.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'm sorry. You're saying I have living rocks inside me? Utter lunacy.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

-Sent from my living rock

[–] Socsa 1 points 1 year ago

If skeleton is fake then where does calcium from?

[–] MurphysPaw 30 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I kissed a dog and i liked it

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I kissed a dog and I liked it
The taste of dog food tongue
I kissed a dog just to try it
I hope my immune system don't mind it
It felt so gross, it felt so right
Don't mean I′m in hospital tonight
I kissed a dog and I liked it
I liked it 🐕

[–] [email protected] -5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Haha so random, you know what else would be random and fun? sharing our local cybercrime investigation authority reporting number. Hahahaha right?

wanna go first?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

What's wrong with you?
Have you considered asking if you don't get a joke or maybe don't post at all?
Did you get hurt by Katy Perry somewhen in the past?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

My comment is a joke sorry. Apparently I failed at communicating tone well.

I meant it in a joking sense like "wow I'm so horrified I'm trying to trick you into telling me how to report you to some authority".

The poem is quite funny, I meant no offence.

edit: what's wrong with me is that we don't share the same sense of humour. I am sorry, but your remark was a bit hurtful.

[–] [email protected] -3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Disclaimer: No animals were harmed in the making of the previous comment.
All animals portrayed in the previous comment are fictious and not based on real animals.
The creator of the previous comment don't get any payments from the tobacco industry.
Sorry if I hurt your sense of humour.
Feel better now?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I can't tell if you're rude or just German ;)

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Just leave nationality out of this. That would be rude to millions of unaffected people. We didn't had a good start due to miscommunication on both ends. I really don't mean to hurt you (maybe just a bit tease like you). So we could just leave it like that if you agree.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

That was a rollercoaster to read.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Makes sense, dog want bone!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I can confirm. I own 6 different birds and none of them could peck that logic.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

But do you let them peck you on the lips?

[–] ralen_jor 10 points 1 year ago

This is false. It's actually because we're made of meat and taste salty.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Which is great news for him, because I suffer from Bonus Eruptus. It's a terrible affliction.