this post was submitted on 14 Nov 2023
14 points (88.9% liked)

The Monkey's Paw

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Want to make a wish? Just ask the Monkey’s Paw! No strings attached.*

Just create a post that starts with “I wish ___”. Other users will then grant you the wish, and probably not how you intended.

^(*)^ ^Strings^ ^definitely^ ^attached.^ ^Satisfaction^ ^not^ ^guaranteed.^ ^Wish^ ^will^ ^likely^ ^backfire.^

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 years ago (3 children)

Easiest way to grant that is:

Done. No restaurants sell chicken wings.

[–] actionjbone 7 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 years ago

Yes but for unrelated reasons

[–] Fullest 6 points 2 years ago

I was thinking along a similar line, except -

Done. Chickens are now also extinct.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago (1 children)

As in, it's now law so no one can sell chicken wings unless they can procure dodo wings?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 years ago

Real dodo wings. A law of nature, so it can't be broken.

Given the normal mark-up on chicken and the fact they can still sell thighs and drumsticks, there's no real incentive to clone dodos or similar even if people knew about the law.

[–] Varyk 5 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (2 children)

Done. The dodo wings are from 23 million years ago, carrying with them a tertiary-period fungi that spreads rapidly and has a lengthy gestation period, rendering mammals sterile without obvious physical symptoms. Scientists notice 17 weeks after your wish, by which time the fungus has widespread colonized mycelium on every continent and infected everyone who is tested. Suicides skyrocket globally as everyone on earth realizes they are witness and participants to the final generation.

[–] actionjbone 5 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Dodos were a modern bird, not prehistoric. How did they become infested with a prehistoric fungus?

[–] Varyk 4 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] actionjbone 2 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I enjoy how you fixed it by making it more ridiculous.

[–] Varyk 2 points 2 years ago

Whosoever clamors for prehistory, receives their prehistory.

[–] Varyk 3 points 2 years ago

Shoot I am so tired I always make a final throwaway comment right before I fall asleep and it always bites me in the ass. Thank you.

[–] Mouselemming 2 points 2 years ago (1 children)

You don't really need the suicides, people could simply appreciate the fact that dodos have their revenge by making us (and all mammals) go extinct.

[–] Varyk 2 points 2 years ago

That's why they didn't all kill themselves. Some lingered to gloat.