this post was submitted on 14 Nov 2023
14 points (88.9% liked)

The Monkey's Paw

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Want to make a wish? Just ask the Monkey’s Paw! No strings attached.*

Just create a post that starts with “I wish ___”. Other users will then grant you the wish, and probably not how you intended.

^(*)^ ^Strings^ ^definitely^ ^attached.^ ^Satisfaction^ ^not^ ^guaranteed.^ ^Wish^ ^will^ ^likely^ ^backfire.^

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Easiest way to grant that is:

Done. No restaurants sell chicken wings.

[–] actionjbone 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

Yes but for unrelated reasons

[–] Fullest 6 points 1 year ago

I was thinking along a similar line, except -

Done. Chickens are now also extinct.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

As in, it's now law so no one can sell chicken wings unless they can procure dodo wings?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Real dodo wings. A law of nature, so it can't be broken.

Given the normal mark-up on chicken and the fact they can still sell thighs and drumsticks, there's no real incentive to clone dodos or similar even if people knew about the law.

[–] Varyk 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

Done. The dodo wings are from 23 million years ago, carrying with them a tertiary-period fungi that spreads rapidly and has a lengthy gestation period, rendering mammals sterile without obvious physical symptoms. Scientists notice 17 weeks after your wish, by which time the fungus has widespread colonized mycelium on every continent and infected everyone who is tested. Suicides skyrocket globally as everyone on earth realizes they are witness and participants to the final generation.

[–] actionjbone 5 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Dodos were a modern bird, not prehistoric. How did they become infested with a prehistoric fungus?

[–] Varyk 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] actionjbone 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I enjoy how you fixed it by making it more ridiculous.

[–] Varyk 2 points 1 year ago

Whosoever clamors for prehistory, receives their prehistory.

[–] Varyk 3 points 1 year ago

Shoot I am so tired I always make a final throwaway comment right before I fall asleep and it always bites me in the ass. Thank you.

[–] Mouselemming 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You don't really need the suicides, people could simply appreciate the fact that dodos have their revenge by making us (and all mammals) go extinct.

[–] Varyk 2 points 1 year ago

That's why they didn't all kill themselves. Some lingered to gloat.