No Stupid Questions

Only when I go to stand up after squatting for a time.

No one has any idea what they're doing.

I'm 35. I've got two kids. I make it up as I go along. There's no plan, no blueprint. There's just the day to day crap that life has for us all. I wake up, I go to work and my only real aim is to get home to my kids and partner.

There is a paradox of confidence.

The people most confident in their competence tend to be the least competent in practice.

The Dunning–Kruger effect.

Self-cheerleaders tend to be morons, the most intelligent people by their nature tend to second guess their own abilities. Idiots just stroll through life taking whatever credit they can grab.

“The only thing I know is that I know nothing, and i am no quite sure that i know that.”

-Socrates

"Throughout my life, my two greatest assets have been mental stability and being, like, really smart.'

-Donald Trump

See the difference? By genuinely doubting, aka examining your abilities, you are in more competent company.

The problem is the way we are told to treat adults as kids.

We go all the way through school repeatedly being told that the adults have the answers, they understand everything that we don't, they know how to tackle the things that seem to big for us, and, most importantly, they don't make mistakes.

So now that we're adults, even though we cognitively know by now that it was all bullshit, it's hard to turn that training around. We make mistakes, don't have the answers, and sometimes struggle with parts of the world that we'd expected would make sense by now. We know that the adults before us were no different, but it's been so long that it's hard to internalize that we, now, are just like them.

Your imposter syndrome is programmed. It's not your fault.

My answer is still the same as this question was asked last time. I still feel no different than my teenage self until I meet some actual teenagers, and and there is nothing that makes me feel more like an adult than when I realize they are just kids, immature and wide-eyed, and the me of now is actually nothing like the teenage me I still think I am.

Being an adult means having grown-up responsibilities, you can no longer be the selfish, carefree child you used to be when there are people depending on you in this cruel, cynical world. Yet in spite of all this, you don't have to give it all up, there should still be times where you can take a break from being an adult, and with the life experiences you didn't have before, rediscover that sense of wonder, hope, and sincerity that you thought you've lost in a brand new light.

And that's what Barbie was really about.

Early 50s here and no, absolutely not. I still feel like I’m an immature teen inside my head, wondering what the hell happened.

Congratulations!

By pondering those things and asking the questions that you did, you are now officially an adult!

Nobody knows what we're doing. And we're all just bouncing around and slamming into experiences like a bunch of dopes.

Eventually, you're going to bump into some folks that just sorta stick. They're going to like some of the same things that you like and be interesting in a multitude of ways. You're going to find that life gets a little easier when you've got some friends to help spread it around.

It's life. It's weird and serious and silly and sometimes pretty sad. Hold on tight and enjoy the ride.

It comes in bursts. Like after doing your taxes or buying a car, you think "That was totally adult of me. Now it's time for video games!"

Im 30, have a full-time salaried job, two kids, own a house... I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing I just want to play games and touch myself.

You are not alone at all.

Yes and No. 48.

There was never a horizon or dividing line I crossed between youth and adult. It just happened.

I'm still the same person I was when I was 10/20/30/40. Still like cool things, still confused about why we're all here.

Other than my body getting real creaky and doing all kinds of weird old things, the only real difference between youth and adult is the realization that this very thread addresses. We're all just making it up as we go. There's no such thing as "adult". There's no Council of Super-Smart People running the world.

The only thing that makes you an adult is the realization that you have to be the change you want to see in the world. That you have to be the super-smart person running things.

Not once in my 45 years.

Just turned 30. I have a house, a kid and a wife. I still don't feel like an "Adult"

As far as I can tell:

• age <16: "Oh boy, I can't wait to be an adult and do whatever I want!"

• age 16-19: "Look at me! I'm an adult! I'm the adultiest adult that ever adulted!! I reject all that is childish and embrace all that is totally-grown-up! Middle ground is for losers! I need everyone to know how ADULT I am and approve of it!!"

• around 20-ish: "....fuck. I'm an adult. I have responsibilities. I have to do taxes. Why does everything cost money?"

• 25+: "I have legit no idea what being an adult is supposed to be like, but I'll figure it out one day ... I hope. Also my back hurts and I have a favorite spoon and lost the lid of 2/3 of my tupperware."

• 45+: "I'm an adult. I can do whatever TF I want. Ohh you want to convince me that videogames and cartoons are "too childish" for someone my age? Go ahead and sue me, lol."

I'm nearing that last stage and I honestly care less and less about what being an adult is supposed to be like. The world is already a shitty enough place without ruining your own fun on arbitrary grounds like stuff being "too childish for your age" or the pressure to have found your purpose in life by a random age. I stopped trying to find "my calling" or a bigger meaning in life and just enjoy the ride instead. Not everyone is predestined to achieve some groundbreaking milestone in history. Maybe my purpose in life has always been to be that weird funny uncle that cracks insufferable puns at the worst times but actually listens to problems of loved ones, no matter how trivial they may seem. Maybe just winging it without actually knowing what the end result will be ... is perfectly fine. It is okay to not know everything. It is okay to have silly little hobbies. It is okay to be a bit awkward. And it is okay to feel a bit lost sometimes. Adults are just old children with a driving permit.

Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.

Learning to fake it is part of growing up. Eventually you forget you're faking.

You become an adult the day you realise that what everyone else was doing all along.

Special milestone the day somebody refers to you within earshot as "that mister", the fabled stranger-based punishment of exasperated mothers everywhere.

I feel like a decaying 16 year old.

52 here, and I'm like you...

Really all you have to do is hang out with some co-workers in their early 20s. Nothing makes you feel like an adult like sitting at the kids table, listening to their problems. Realizing you can't relate.

The “actual adults” we were sold as children were never real.

Me (41yo) asked my dad (74yo) Me: Dad, when does that adult thing of knowing what you are doing kicks in? Dad: When I find out, I will let you know.

I'm turning 40, I have 2 kids, and my self-image hasn't changed since high-school. I have to consciously think about it to realize that other people see an adult when looking at me. Like my first reaction when I do something "grown-up" is to woder if people are impressed by a kid acting so mature, and then I realize that I'm not a kid anymore.

Its not just you, everyone waking up , going to work is pretending. Thats what adult life looks like. You pretend to keep your boss happy, society happy and people around you happy.

Just to prove I'm an adult I like to have ice cream for dinner and leave all the windows open because that's what my parents said I could do when I was grown up

None of us know what's going on. It's ok.

Keep it up nobody can tell.

I think we're all taking the "fake it 'till you make it" approach to some extent. I know I am. There is no script to follow.

Remember that part of being an adult is getting to decide what "adult" means.

I suppose it depends how you think of being an adult.

No-one is going to save me. I am huddling with my family for warmth and hoping we all make it to death without disaster striking. If disaster strikes, our survival depends on us and people will be looking to me to take charge.

That sounds like adulthood to me.

Just actually hang around kids that are the actual age you "feel". You'll realize some differences pretty quickly. Also, I have this idea that what really "ages" us is all the loss we accumulate. The longer you live, the more death comes for your loved ones.

At about 24 years old I finally started feeling like an actual adult. Living alone, taking care of my things and my pets, having a stable relationship. Part of growing up is just accepting that there's some of parts of you that will never grow up, I'm still a goofball and that's just part of me.

I find all of this talk about being an adult weird. It doesn't matter how old you are. What matters is that you can take care of yourself.

I don't really feel any different in my 40s, I've just changed my perception of what an adult is.

People glorify adulting as some kind of ultimate maturity for ones self. It is not that. Adulting is predicting what can and won't be your life. Surviving better each day. While also keeping after yourself in a healthy manner.

We are always growing until we die. Adulting is accepting what can be and what can't be and living with yourself.

Perceive reality as it is and accept the successes and failures along the way.

One day you will see people for what they are and are not. That day your awareness of the world will change.

I've noticed it has become easier to see liers as I've gotten older and mentally ill people.

I started too, but then the spouse started to complain that we were acting like our lives had plateaued. So I've decided to stop acting my age and not grow up yet.

What finally made me feel like an adult was raising a teenager. Any last semblance of youthful energy and optimism I had was destroyed between 15 and 18 years old.

Thinking of yourself as an "adult" is just a mental construct that was embedded into most people at a young age. When we were kids, we saw adults as these elevated beings that had transcended childhood and became something more. When you grow up, you realize you're still the same person but with more responsibilities. It's not the paradigm shift we thought it would be as kids, and that's okay. I'm almost 40 and my idea of a perfect saturday is sleeping until 11am, waking up with a nice blunt and coffee on the patio, making some cheerios and watching cartoons until mid afternoon. Then spending the rest of the day playing video games or board games with friends. Adult life is just life, with extra steps.

Early 20's. I work with a lot of people nearly double my age who call me a kid (endearingly and lovingly if I may add). Make decent money and have a great partner.

I pay taxes and pay bills, I have a car and I go to work everyday of the work week. I tend to ask myself "is this it? This is what I wanted so much as a kid? This is being a grown up?"

I mean I can eat ice cream whenever I want I guess, but I dread when the actual adulting comes along. Seriously, does anyone else know when the adulting comes? Is it bad?

Apologies for the rambling, but the title question always hits with me as of late. Thanks.

Congratulations, that worry is you being an adult

I see adulthood as a gradual undoing of the damage that the process of going through childhood and "growing up" does to us. Not necessarily from any specific trauma, but just that almost all of us will reach our 20s and beyond with quirks and mental health issues just by nature of a very complex and at times traumatic world. And an ideal adulthood is the ability to eventually move beyond merely coping but regaining some of the lost joy and innocence of childhood but with the increased responsibility of the self and others that comes with adulthood.