I was looking for "buzzword soup website doesn't say what the product fucking does"
Maybe that wouldn't fit in a square
this post was submitted on 22 Jun 2025
590 points (98.0% liked)
Programmer Humor
24516 readers
2255 users here now
Welcome to Programmer Humor!
This is a place where you can post jokes, memes, humor, etc. related to programming!
For sharing awful code theres also Programming Horror.
Rules
- Keep content in english
- No advertisements
- Posts must be related to programming or programmer topics
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
Introducing CloudBox™, your personal solution to high-impact process resolutions and expandability. With an innovative new design, CloudBox™ provides industry-leading improvements for discerning enterprises looking to enhance their experience with the highest level of user satisfaction. Building upon the award-winning CloudYDK® platform, CloudBox™ integrates seamlessly with your existing solutions to maximize utility and minimize upkeep, powered by the latest innovations in AI-driven workflow optimizations. And at a new unbeatable price, the benefits of CloudBox™ can be yours without breaking the bank. Visit our website to speak with an agent and improve your cloud experience today!
It's so perfectly terrible 🥹
I was scrolling through job postings today and came across one that read like this. I was confused -> clicked the link -> saw a picture of two oil rig workers -> genuinely said "Ah, oil!" out loud -> and closed the web page.
They try to hide behind green washing and jargon. It happened to me at a university career fair a few months ago, too.
the only possible way this could be worse was if it was called CloudChain and also had weird blockchain/crypto nonsense.
Chat, is this real?
Oh, that CloudBox...
A game of Bingo requires several players to have different cards. That would be on another card. Other possible entries:
- Uses recently popular buzzword tech for no reason.
- Uses an always-on internet connection and multiple server farms to perform a function that ran locally on a Palm V PDA in 1997
- Isn't legal in the EU
Are you talking about the turbo encabulator, retro encabulator, or hyper encabulator?
load more comments
(1 replies)
You completely forgot:
"Actually just monetizes somethign that already existed for free"
Though I guess Ads is already the free space.
But it's new and better! Just ask our huge team of three programmers and thirty marketing geniuses.
I would add "people blame programmers and CS majors instead of rich dudes for some reason."
My code only gets me one square :(
(Doesn't work)
What apps only work for straight white guys?
Does truth social have an app?
Not an app, but the Kinect had trouble with people of certain shades
I'm sure there are none, straight white guys are just a favorite villain around here.
I can think of a tech that doesn't work as well on black people though: Pulse oximeters. A pulse oximeter works by shining two wavelengths of light through your finger to measure the amount of oxygen in your blood. It also sees your blood come and go with your pulse, so it can detect your heart rate. Well get this: melanin blocks light. A black man's finger is more opaque than a white man's finger, so optical pulse oximeters have been known to fail to detect hypoxia in dark skinned people. This problem has been known since the 70's, and continues to be a problem to the present day. Because you know what happened recently? A global pandemic of a respiratory disease. Pulse oximeters failed to detect hypoxia in more black patients than white patients, who then weren't given supplemental oxygen. So why in the last 50 years hasn't that been addressed?
Dating apps and similar with insufficient moderation come to mind, or even ones that effectively paywall dickpics and harassment instead of removing it.
For gender nonconforming people, lots of forms.
I'm not convinced dating apps work for anyone in any way.
While I'm sure the obvious systemic issues contribute to not looking for alternatives, that does sound like largely an issue inherent to optical pulse oximeters. Engineers aren't miracle workers, they can't change physics to their liking.
I'm sure pulse oximeters now are more accurate than they were 20 years ago. The fact we're still using them is because no alternatives have been found which are as easy to use, reliable, and non-invasive as pulse oximeters, even with the known downsides.
Engineers aren't miracle workers, granted. Which is why it is their responsibility to thoroughly test the devices they design and document their limitations. It's then on the medical industry to train doctors and nurses on those limitations.
I’m sure pulse oximeters now are more accurate than they were 20 years ago.
As I said, this continues to be a problem into the present day. COVID-19 patients with dark skin would suffer from hypoxia that pulse oximeters would fail to detect, leading the medical staff to fail to administer supplemental oxygen. That's probably happening somewhere on earth as I type this.
Do the little lights in the device need to be brighter, or have a brighter mode? Does their need to be a switch on the side? Can our cultures handle a medical device with a "white people | black people" switch on the side?
Not really an answer to your question, but worth a read to widen your horizon: It’s a huge problem that most health apps are created by men — here’s how to fix that
Maybe the skin cancer detection app?
Plenty of stuff that works much better for white guys that speak English and with the right accent, because that's who they are mostly trained on (image/speech recognition, spell check and translation, lots of medical stuff but that's not very tech). Not sure about straight.
Edit: oh the image said cis, not straight. That's easier.
Nothing comes to mind at the moment but I doubt somebody isn't trying.
load more comments
(1 replies)
So if someone says Windows, everybody gets a Bingo somehow?
do i create a new tech alt on some short form content site? or is there an intended way to use the bingo board
The "bug causes death" thing can be ticked for everything safety critical. Starts with the small electronics in an elevator.
Are they making elevators without mechanical fail-safes now?
Getting real SAO Abridged vibes here
skynut will 100% be a thing meta makes
This is fucking hilarious
Bingo
view more: next ›