this post was submitted on 04 Jun 2025
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[–] [email protected] 6 points 20 hours ago

Reasons I hate hedges. Plenty of bushes that have leaves throughout and are genuinely flexible throughout, not to mention fruit-bearing, but noooo, let's plant this garbage everywhere because it holds its shape and makes a cheap "wall".

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 day ago (2 children)

I've found out the hard way by jumping off my roof into one as a kid, they're also not that strong and won't catch you as you plummet straight through the hedge.

Also, on a side note, umbrellas do not slow you down and hurt like fuck when they hit you in the face.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 day ago (1 children)

If you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago

That song is why I ended up doing so much dumb shit to my body, also constantly watching jackass and cKy really didn't help.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Also, on a side note, umbrellas do not slow you down

but have you tried two umbrellas?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Of course, the second one tends to smash into your legs leaving bruises that your teacher confuses for being hit by your parents and they have to go in and explain that their son is a fucking dumbass who jumps off roofs with umbrellas.

I also attempted three, but its hard to hold three.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 day ago (1 children)

The trick is to hold the third with your teeth

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 day ago

Where were you 20 odd years ago? I might have succeeded with this information!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago

You think I chose this because it's funny? It's a very apt description of me.

[–] [email protected] 64 points 2 days ago (1 children)

speak for yourself, all my organs are soft and fatty

[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 day ago (1 children)

by any chance, were you born with a heart that's two sizes too small?

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Until I listened to the Pretty Reckless, then it grew.

[–] zaphodb2002 3 points 1 day ago

I saw them live not long ago, they opened for AC/DC!

[–] [email protected] 33 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Had a hedge removed recently, and was surprised at what we found inside: half a dozen Nerf footballs, a badminton birdie, and a gardening trowel.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

'badminton birdie' = 'Shuttlecock'

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago

Thank you! I completely blanked on that word.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago

Its in the other bush.

[–] [email protected] 59 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Soft and fluffy... Has he ever touched, or fallen into, a hedge?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago
[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Somewhere on the internet, there’s a cross-section of Kirby that no one should see.

[–] [email protected] 36 points 1 day ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 day ago

I choose to believe Kirby is more like some kind of sentient jellyfish without bones and holds their shape through air pressure alone like a balloon.

[–] Jax 6 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Do his ribs encase his arms?????

OP was right, this was knowledge no human was meant to have.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Some people are nice even on the inside. Plenty aren't but some are.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago

Tasty, even.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 day ago

Steady on, Hannibal.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

Jacob never rubbed two braincells together about how plants work 😅 Why would it be green on the inside? No sunlight there, while it needs to transport the nutrients between the leaves and the rest of the plant...

And hedges are really not "soft and fluffy".

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 day ago

That person clearly never jumped/fell into one.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 day ago

Pink on the inside

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago (2 children)

People are supposed to be green, soft and fluffy?
So, grinch or a green furry.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] vaultdweller013 1 points 1 day ago

The bald dude behind the table behind her looks like he has seen some shit.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago

Slime people