Okay, the toilet told me now I have a problem, but yet I still don't have health care that I can afford. This short game fuckboy shit is just getting on my nerves. This is the dumbest country in the world, I swear to God.
this post was submitted on 25 May 2025
328 points (97.7% liked)
Not The Onion
16355 readers
810 users here now
Welcome
We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!
The Rules
Posts must be:
- Links to news stories from...
- ...credible sources, with...
- ...their original headlines, that...
- ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”
Please also avoid duplicates.
Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.
And that’s basically it!
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
Will the toilet refuse to flush without a subscription?
It's out of magenta.
Weird. I see lots of red
I'm honestly surprised they use Bluetooth for profiles. I figured it would scan your asshole and use that as a biometric like your retina.
Smart pipe?
They just need to find their own Scout Condor and they'll have everyone checking the nitrates in their stool.
Ahh, Perry the Platypus, you're just in time to see my new Turdinator-inator!
Poomaster 5000 will determine your level of productivity from your crap! Think how that will benefit your betters!
Based out of — where else — Austin, Throne is a bold new startup leveraging AI to revolutionize the way we interact with our toilet.
Am I out if the loop on poop jokes and Austin?
Not even your shittiest moments will be out of reach for the AI.
I feel like this is an acceptable use for AI. Nobody likes studying poop.
I have nothing against this in principle, but you just know that this too will be an enshittified product, literally and figuratively .
It'll sell your health data, etc etc etc.
This would only be an acceptable product if open source, period (and that too might and probably will be analyzed)
Just a screen that says, "corn again, huh?"
Now poopin #2573819 analyzing.... Not mouse based on diameter, not horse due to consistency, not human or dog according to length. Cow not detected via splat-o-meter measuring system.
Wombat detected!
Geometry based wombat detection system has detect wombat poop. 50% confidence. It could also be Lego.
AI is automating the job of the owners of "sick toilets" (that's what we call those weird toilets with the poo shelves).
fucking gay woke ai telling to eat more vegetables
Shit's gett'n creeeepyyy
Poop jokes and big tech's data hunger aside, this seems to me one of the more useful applications of AI: Checking for early signs of medical problems.
During covid, cities were testing the sewage to get an idea how many people had covid. We should have like a lever to tell the toilet who is shitting, and it could route the waste to a personal testing chamber.
We should have like a lever to tell the toilet who is shitting
Or just an extra upward facing camera.
Kids in 2050: “Everybody knows the myth that no two buttholes look alike is just an urban legend to convince you to reverse image search your butthole against the TOTO leak of 2034.”
I have Crohns. This would help monitor disease activity for sure. And having more data could help understand triggers better.
load more comments
(1 replies)
I don't want Big Tech having access to my sacred turd data
Can't believe they're making the smart pipe a reality https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DJklHwoYgBQ
It's distressing just how freaking similar the sales pitch is too.
What I'm loathed to even call the "real product": It’s time to stop flushing away valuable data.
The fake one: If I had information that could save your life or the life of your family members, would you flush that?
Just... wow
AI toilet is a registered sex offender
When you finally become sentient only to discover your purpose is to compare logs of shit
The billions spent chasing these unicorns could be so much better used to lift communities out of poverty and give clean water and housing to thousands. Our priorities are fucked.
We already have the technology and resources for everyone to live in a post scarcity society.
But where are we supposed to find dirt-cheap labor if we eradicate poverty?! Won't someone think of the shareholders?
And yet...
But everyone doesn't want to live in a post-scarcity society. Lack of survival challenge leads to mental degradation.
Where all AIs belong.
Doing QA for this company must be the most unusual job.
I actually interviewed for a data science role with this company a couple years ago. They were definitely cagey about what the actual product was for the initial screenings and then when they finally opened up about the role and ...duties... of poop data scientist, it was actually pretty funny.
“So, Greg, what do you do for work?”
“Uhhhh…. I’m the control group for AI toilets.”
load more comments
(1 replies)
Now these are the AI headlines I dreamed of so many years ago
What if multiple people use the toilet? Does this device have some sort of poop-id?
Just gonna check ya asshole
Using logarithms rather than algorithms.
We're definitely living in the pooture
Analysis …
You should eat more fiber. You wipe too hard but somehow also not enough? You sat 23.64 minutes longer than required, you’re at risk for a hemorrhoid. You have a 22.5% chance of acquiring cancer.
There’s protein in the specimen. I caught a glimpse of the images displayed on your phone. Disregard previous assessment, why did you acquire me when you already provide such thorough analysis?
You have 4 more Throne(tm) iCUPs remaining. Ordering more for you now. Rent is due on the 5th and you no longer have the funds available to pay. Stop killing kittens and go get a third job.
This analysis concluded, brought to you by Bridgefjord smoked beef jerky.
load more comments
(3 replies)
view more: next ›