I feel so much more normal for just saying hello to my shower spider now.
this post was submitted on 23 May 2025
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My shower spider gets a reminder of our deal.
"You know the drill. You stay up there, I stay over here, nobody has to be injured today."
Sometimes the spider decides to come over to my side and gets flushed or squished, but they knew what was expected of them.
I have one of those who knows her place. She’s been there for probably a year now, and I don’t feed her so she must be doing something for me.
She briefly had a friend of the same species set up shop on the other side of the shower. That one didn’t get the memo and decided to wander all over the place while I was showering, breaking the pact. That one went down the drain. The other is still there, months after that event.
Real talk: people that save spiders and make it a moral thing confuse the heck out of me.
Like, if you were the spiders size proportionally to the spider, it would web you up and suck your blood for being in its home...
Living a principled life does not rise and fall with what is done to you. That would be transactional.
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You're being humane and grounded with a handle like that, are you good? Like can I get you a drink or anything?
My hyperfixation with a rape simulator doesn’t mean I want bad things to happen in the real world.
I even save wasps - I fed a dying one until she was strong enough to escape once.
Yeah, but we have the mental capability of understanding what the spider is, and that it won't eat you, nor do you need to eat it. So why cruelly kill for no reason?
Shower spider wants to watch you touch yourself
I do the feeding thing, but mostly because it feels wrong to kill a mosquito and then just throw it in the trash
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I hate to break it to you, but that's a male spider and you're gay.
And this story is real, so it is Real AND Gay!
I’ve run out of AND. Best I can do is:
(Real NOR Real) NOR (Gay NOR Gay)
I've never heard of such a thing. Is it really possible?
Without a pic how do you know
smell
He's going to let a spider crawl on his penis in the name of gooning isn't he? I really want off this ride.
Whatever, more for me
It happened long ago. Closer to you than you think
The Spiderbro thing should have never started, now see where it has gotten us.
Bro, if it bites him he will get a spider dick that shoots webs.
Loneliness affects people. And as gregariois animals we are, the closest possibility to connect, in any form, is taken.
Y'know... as lonely as I can get (and I get pretty lonely), that mosquito munching on my forearm is still getting a firm slap. Eventually.
Fight malaria when you can!
This is one instance where I'd say I'd actually prefer if he had an anime body pillow or real doll he was forming this sort of unhealthy attachment to.
Least weird greentext I've read for a while.
I had a daddy longlegs in my bathroom for a while. My bathroom exhaust fan broke so the room would get super steamy, and I think the poor spider drowned, because it had clearly died in that spot, hanging from my ceiling.
I still feel a little sad about that spider-bro.
Probably didn't drown but might have gotten infected by mold. There's a reason spiders prefer dry places.
Look, everyone tries to fuck shower spider at some point. It's a rite of passage
What a freak!
Just fall in-love with AI like a normal person.
(I can't even do that, I literally can't see AI as people)
Spider-bros are the best. I hope one day I can have a trained jumping spider sidekick on my shoulder.
I know I have hidden spider bros because I haven't seen a single insect in my apartment in several years.
It's just the fact that I haven't seen any spiders in a while that makes me worried that I'm gonna lift something off the floor and see thousands of them or some shit lol
It might be centipedes. Those guys are apex predators of their microcosm.
Above even spiders?
Absolutely
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Basically the Yukihiro Takahashi song “Grand Espoir”
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