this post was submitted on 23 May 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] [email protected] 141 points 2 weeks ago (16 children)

I feel so much more normal for just saying hello to my shower spider now.

[–] FreshLight 51 points 2 weeks ago

Be careful, though! This is the first step towards what anon describes!

[–] [email protected] 30 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

My shower spider gets a reminder of our deal.

"You know the drill. You stay up there, I stay over here, nobody has to be injured today."

Sometimes the spider decides to come over to my side and gets flushed or squished, but they knew what was expected of them.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 weeks ago

I have one of those who knows her place. She’s been there for probably a year now, and I don’t feed her so she must be doing something for me.

She briefly had a friend of the same species set up shop on the other side of the shower. That one didn’t get the memo and decided to wander all over the place while I was showering, breaking the pact. That one went down the drain. The other is still there, months after that event.

[–] RIPandTERROR 5 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Real talk: people that save spiders and make it a moral thing confuse the heck out of me.

Like, if you were the spiders size proportionally to the spider, it would web you up and suck your blood for being in its home...

[–] FATALRPG 16 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

You're being humane and grounded with a handle like that, are you good? Like can I get you a drink or anything?

[–] FATALRPG 4 points 2 weeks ago

My hyperfixation with a rape simulator doesn’t mean I want bad things to happen in the real world.

I even save wasps - I fed a dying one until she was strong enough to escape once.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Living a principled life does not rise and fall with what is done to you. That would be transactional.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 weeks ago

Yeah, but we have the mental capability of understanding what the spider is, and that it won't eat you, nor do you need to eat it. So why cruelly kill for no reason?

[–] [email protected] 28 points 2 weeks ago

Shower spider wants to watch you touch yourself

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 weeks ago

I do the feeding thing, but mostly because it feels wrong to kill a mosquito and then just throw it in the trash

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[–] [email protected] 108 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

I hate to break it to you, but that's a male spider and you're gay.

[–] [email protected] 41 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

And this story is real, so it is Real AND Gay!

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 weeks ago

I’ve run out of AND. Best I can do is:

(Real NOR Real) NOR (Gay NOR Gay)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 weeks ago

I've never heard of such a thing. Is it really possible?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Without a pic how do you know

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 72 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

He's going to let a spider crawl on his penis in the name of gooning isn't he? I really want off this ride.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 2 weeks ago

Whatever, more for me

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 weeks ago

It happened long ago. Closer to you than you think

[–] Corkyskog 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Bro, if it bites him he will get a spider dick that shoots webs.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 days ago

My dick already shoots white sticky thing

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago

The Spiderbro thing should have never started, now see where it has gotten us.

[–] [email protected] 50 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Loneliness affects people. And as gregariois animals we are, the closest possibility to connect, in any form, is taken.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Y'know... as lonely as I can get (and I get pretty lonely), that mosquito munching on my forearm is still getting a firm slap. Eventually.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 weeks ago

Fight malaria when you can!

[–] [email protected] 44 points 2 weeks ago

This is one instance where I'd say I'd actually prefer if he had an anime body pillow or real doll he was forming this sort of unhealthy attachment to.

[–] [email protected] 44 points 2 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 30 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Least weird greentext I've read for a while.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I had a daddy longlegs in my bathroom for a while. My bathroom exhaust fan broke so the room would get super steamy, and I think the poor spider drowned, because it had clearly died in that spot, hanging from my ceiling.

I still feel a little sad about that spider-bro.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 weeks ago

Probably didn't drown but might have gotten infected by mold. There's a reason spiders prefer dry places.

[–] southsamurai 19 points 2 weeks ago

Look, everyone tries to fuck shower spider at some point. It's a rite of passage

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

What a freak!

Just fall in-love with AI like a normal person.

(I can't even do that, I literally can't see AI as people)

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 days ago

Maybe you are just AI phobic bigot!

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I know I have hidden spider bros because I haven't seen a single insect in my apartment in several years.

It's just the fact that I haven't seen any spiders in a while that makes me worried that I'm gonna lift something off the floor and see thousands of them or some shit lol

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

It might be centipedes. Those guys are apex predators of their microcosm.

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[–] bathing_in_bismuth 6 points 2 weeks ago

Spider-bros are the best. I hope one day I can have a trained jumping spider sidekick on my shoulder.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago
[–] Zeppo 2 points 2 weeks ago

Basically the Yukihiro Takahashi song “Grand Espoir”

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