this post was submitted on 08 May 2025
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Science Memes

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[–] [email protected] 31 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (3 children)

180 seconds (3 minutes) is a hilarious overestimation of any fighter's ability. Unless you're counting the time it takes to bleed out.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 days ago

Or total time it takes to be consumed

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 days ago (1 children)

10 seconds of fighting, 170 seconds of screaming while being ripped apart.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 days ago

1 swipe from those giant claws will end you in less than 10 seconds.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago

Maybe that's counting the time taken by the polar bear to catch up to the ~~runner~~ fighter from the farthest distance they are capable to lock-onto a target.

[–] [email protected] 84 points 4 days ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 30 points 3 days ago (3 children)

Snapping out of your fantasy as you're being eaten alive is a bad move.

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[–] [email protected] 169 points 4 days ago (14 children)

Another reference, this time in 3D:

Me, 6'4" 235lb, that's a full grown and a cub 1:1 statue

[–] [email protected] 71 points 4 days ago (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 46 points 4 days ago (3 children)

It would.

Off on a tangent, but relevant, I recently watched a video from a big cat trainer, and he stated that lion and tiger cubs are absolutely lethal at the age of 6 months. They can literally play with you to death.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago (1 children)

They absolutely would, if it wasn't for that Carol fuckin' Baskin!

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 days ago

That Jezebel! I know she done it!

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[–] [email protected] 42 points 4 days ago (1 children)

That picture is not in 3D. Not at all.

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Polar bears are very curious animals, so if you back away while slowly undressing they will stop to inspect each piece of clothing, giving you time to get away.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 days ago

They are also one of the few, next to tigers, land predators that actually have a taste for human blood. The nature of a polar bear thinks it can eat it then it will certainly try. You also absolutely cannot out run them.

[–] lemon 108 points 4 days ago (4 children)

Do not – and I really cannot stress this enough – give any of those bears cocaine

[–] [email protected] 25 points 4 days ago (9 children)

instructions unclear, bears are now on pcp

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[–] [email protected] 115 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (13 children)

Fun fact: Grizzlies and Polar Bears are the same species according to the Biological Species Concept.

Meaning they interbreed in the wild (somewhat rare), and produce viable offspring that can have babies as well.

We’re actually noticing this happening more and more with climate change. As Grizzly populations move further and further north, they’re encountering polar bears more often and are more likely to mate. Some scientists actually think within the next couple centuries due to arctic sea ice pretty much disappearing polar bears will either go extinct, or interbreed with grizzlies so much that there isn’t a “pure” polar bear left. Most likely a mix of both.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 4 days ago

Biologists wouldn't say they're the same species, because biologists are aware of interspecies hybrids and the species problem.

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[–] [email protected] 60 points 4 days ago (3 children)

They may kill SEAL with a slap but how many polar bear slaps does it take to kill members of other special forces?

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[–] [email protected] 59 points 4 days ago (6 children)

Bear is black, fight back.

Bear is brown, turn around.

Bear is white, say good night.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 day ago

Black bears are pretty skittish, so usually acting big & loud is enough to make them jog away, but I'm not sure someone could take them in a fight if the black bear was cornered.

Speaking of which, bears are extremely protective of their cubs, so if you ever see any cubs, running away from them at full speed is probably the best choice.

[–] [email protected] 36 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Also.

Some black bears are brown.

Some brown bears are black.

Good luck everyone.

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 4 days ago

Bear is white, say good night, and tuck it in and tell it a story. Once the bear has fallen asleep snuggle up to it, so it has a fresh morning snack.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 4 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (3 children)

I remember somewhere they were saying you should remove your clothes (slowly piece by piece) with a polar bear. The bear will get distracted and start sniffing your clothes.

I think it was a QI episode and then David Mitchell said something like that Polar Bear being happier in the fact that the human would be better to eat this time because it didn't have a wrapper.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 4 days ago

That’s a myth perpetuated by the polar bears, they’re just perverts

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Turn around is a bad idea

If it's brown, lie down

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 days ago (3 children)

Worked in Yellowstone for a summer.

Spent some time with the rangers. They got all sorts of questions...

Like which handgun caliber would be best to defend oneself from a bear.

Essentially, the ranger broke it down stating there was a weakness in the skull about the size of a bullet that you had to hit directly to have a chance of dropping a bear with a handgun. While its coming at you and pissed/hungry.

So essentially, you've just pissed off the bear before it gets it claws on you.

Well placed slugs from shotguns, rifle rounds, and preferably (according to the ranger in question) a tranquilizer to re-home the bear away from people. That being said, the bears are tracked to an extent and bears who show repeated behavior endangering themselves/tourists tend to be exterminated, sadly.

Hand to claw combat? Human is going down.

This is why in the past, when bears were hunted, they were hunted in their dens during hibernation - at the end of spears to keep that hungry bear as far away as possible from your soft easily rent flesh.

[–] bathing_in_bismuth 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Seriously emptying an entire .357 revolver or .44 wouldn't help? What about hollow point bullets?

That's insaaaaneee

[–] ricecake 4 points 2 days ago (8 children)

It entirely depends on the bear species, but in general guns are a last resort defense against bears.

Primary defense is avoidance and making it so they can avoid you. A bear will eat you, but is unlikely to hunt you. For most bears we're an unknown quantity so they'll avoid us, since other food is reasonably available with less risk.

A bear has heavy fur, thick skin for storing winter fat deposits, and dense bones. While bullets will injure the bear and perhaps even kill it, it won't be enough to save you.
Much like how hitting someone on the head with a glass bottle will hurt them, almost certainly injure them, and potentially kill them, the type of injury is likely to be a fractured skull or brain bleed. Extremely serious and deadly, but they have minutes of functionality and hours of bewildered stumbling before they black out.

So it'll likely die... Later. For now you have a scared, confused and pissed off bear.

I believe hollow points have less penetration power, so it might not even get through the hide. Other bullets will get through fine, but are unlikely to stop the bear dead.

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 days ago

That reminds me of a dirty joke.

Tourist: So, which would you recommend for self-defense against a grizzly: a hunting rifle, or a large-caliber pistol?

Ranger: The pistol.

Tourist: Really? Why's that?

Ranger: Because it'll hurt less when the bear shoves it up your ass.

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[–] [email protected] 51 points 4 days ago (2 children)

Also, one of the few animals that will hunt humans for food

[–] [email protected] 44 points 4 days ago

Can’t blame them. They’re running out of options.

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[–] [email protected] 28 points 4 days ago

Here is a black bear, a grizzly, and a polar bear.

And Marcie.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 days ago

Where's that "imma fight a gorilla" guy when you need him?

[–] [email protected] 48 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (2 children)

I bet they gives good hugs :3

[–] [email protected] 41 points 4 days ago (4 children)

It will keep you warm and cozy for the rest of your life!

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[–] Tar_alcaran 28 points 4 days ago
[–] [email protected] 23 points 4 days ago (7 children)

Fighting bears isn’t that common of an encounter. I’d be more worried about deer and coyotes or even a single cougar than the off chance of encountering a bear. They will definitely fuck you up but it’s not like they are starting their day to be like “Imma go murder a human” in the same way other urban-adjacent animals are—I think they just wanna get that sweet sweet pick-a-nic basket.

dies from turkey assault

[–] [email protected] 27 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (2 children)

You mean there are single cougars in your local area ? I always thought these ads were lying

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 days ago (3 children)

Polar bears will absolutely try to hunt you. They'll eat anything that moves. The only way to deal with a polar bear is a gun.

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