this post was submitted on 26 Aug 2023
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Confidently Incorrect

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When people are way too smug about their wrong answer.

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[–] [email protected] 250 points 1 year ago (5 children)

Fruits that fall off the tree ferment and make alcohol. Monkeys, apes, and other animals eat them for the alcoholic effect.

[–] [email protected] 67 points 1 year ago (4 children)

God didn't make those. Wait. Shit.

[–] [email protected] 86 points 1 year ago (1 children)

They were manufactured by fallen fruit.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 year ago

So perfect.

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[–] [email protected] 45 points 1 year ago (5 children)

Birds get drunk off fermented berries. And it's the funniest shit you will ever watch. Well...until you find out that drunk birds crash into windows a lot.

[–] DarthNinja 39 points 1 year ago (2 children)

This is the main reason birds have a hard time getting a driver's license

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[–] [email protected] 39 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (7 children)

If anything, God made alcohol incredibly prevalent and easy to discover and produce

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago

And that’s not even to mention all the psychoactive plants out there. The Earth makes many a mind-altering substance without the help of man.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It makes sense if you believe in science and stuff, but if you were a true Christian you would know that holly sweet Jesus of America turned water into wine, which has nothing to do with alcohol. It is His sacred blood that for some reason also tastes like old grape juice. Don’t judge me and make your own research.

Thoughts and prayers, libtard!

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[–] [email protected] 121 points 1 year ago (5 children)

There is an old Disney documentary called “Animals are Beautiful People”. There is a segment of the movie dedicated to showing how monkeys, elephants, giraffes, and other animals can get shitfaced off rotten fruit.

[–] [email protected] 70 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Some birds also intentionally make fruit ferment and then get shit-faced off of it. Humans are hardly the first species on this planet to make booze.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago

Some birds eat spicey chilis because it makes them hallucinate and get high.

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[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 year ago (5 children)

There's a type of lemur that gets hammered by stimulating a poisonous millipede and ingesting it's poison.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 year ago

which millipede though, i dont want to spend ages milking a bunch of millipedes

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago

Someone posted that clip before midsummer and I still chuckle at one of the replies. Something like "I'm laughing at the dumb hangover animals even though I know for a fact I'll be in the same state tomorrow".

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[–] [email protected] 79 points 1 year ago (3 children)

So Jesus is a "fallen man", ok.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago

He also only turned the water into wine because his mother nagged him to do it. Two of the people thought to be the most perfect and infallible in Christian tradition are actually fallen people. I think it's pretty noble to abstain from alcohol or other addictions but the way this guy does it is so belittling.

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[–] [email protected] 74 points 1 year ago (4 children)

We had a tree with some sort of red berries on it. Every autumn birds would have a bird party getting drunk off the fermented berries. Alcohol appears in nature all the fucking time

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago

Homebrewer/fermenter checking in. Yeast is everywhere. Its already on everything. To an extent where homebrewing has a special category called wild or spontaneous fermentation specifically for stuff made just by letting wild yeast settle on it and start going to town. Which is to say that if you're a bit lucky the only thing you need in order for wine to happen is fruit. Do you know how you make a fermented pepper sauce? Kim chi? Sauerkraut? You just need whatever it is you're trying to ferment, and some salt. That's it. The fermentation will just happen. Some small amount of alcohol will just happen.

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[–] [email protected] 64 points 1 year ago (2 children)

There's literally a nebula out there that is almost pure ethanol that tastes of raspberry. I've no clue how we figured out what it would taste like, but there is literally enough alcohol there to keep the next 500 generations of humans perpetually shit faced even with the population boom that would occur.

I refer to it as "God's Distillery."

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Infrared light gets absorbed by organic molecules at specific wavelengths depending on what structure they have. So we can look at IR light that has passed through the nebula to see what molecules are in it. The first article I saw said the cloud has ethyl formate which apparently has a raspberry like flavor.

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[–] [email protected] 49 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I went to a church when I was a kid that taught that wine was completely non-alcoholic in biblical times.

[–] [email protected] 50 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Remarkable how ignorant of their own bible the teetotalling Christians are. Without refrigeration grape juice becomes unsafe to drink quickly. Fermenting it was the only way it would keep. Also in 1 Tim 3:8 mentions to not have men as deacons if they're "addicted to much wine", clearly showing this was not grape juice they're talking about.

[–] [email protected] 41 points 1 year ago (2 children)

It's even more directly stated, and specifically about the wine Jesus made. After he turned water into wine, the guests were specifically remarking that hosts generally feed their guests good wine early in the night and pull out cheaper wine after the guests are drunk and can't tell the difference... But in this case they saved the best for last.

This is great because it also is a counter point to the argument that some preachers say to the youth about it being DRUNKENNESS that god doesn't like.

Nope, not intrinsically, because Jesus lit up a party full of ALREADY drunk people with more booze.

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago

Hahahahahhahha

[–] [email protected] 39 points 1 year ago (2 children)

For anyone that doesnt know, humans have evolved a significant tolerance to alcohol because it does infact exist in nature in rotting fruit (you take what you can in 400000 bc) there are reports of moose losing it after only a few fermented Apples. And Elephant reportedly can get deliriously drunk off of a single beer.

[–] too_high_for_this 29 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I had a dog that loved beer but he was a nasty drunk. He would knock beers over to lap them up, then start growling and barking for more. Then he'd puke, eat the puke, and pass out.

[–] [email protected] 38 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Sounds like a roommate I had once. You're sure he wasn't just a short bearded man named Matthew?

[–] too_high_for_this 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

If he was I am guilty of so many crimes

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[–] can 11 points 1 year ago (11 children)

The ones who couldn't tolerate liquor couldn't get laid? That checks out actually.

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[–] [email protected] 36 points 1 year ago

Yea fuck the Catholics in particular, drinking all that wine like it’s the “blood of Christ”. Like Christ would ever touch alcohol!

[–] [email protected] 35 points 1 year ago (2 children)

cue the morons trying to say it was just grape juice

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[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 year ago

I think the beer brewing monasteries didn't get the memo.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Wait until he finds out that humans have been drinking alcohol recreationally for at least 8000 years. I reckon heaven would be really rather empty if only people who never drank any alcohol were allowed in

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago

First you have to convince him that the earth is more than 8000 years old.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago

I hope he posted that on naturally occurring social media sites, not the kind created and run by fallen men, because the earth has never produced a single social media site.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago (2 children)

The earth has never produced a single drop of alcohol

Oh boy, do I have news for you!

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Palm_wine

Granted it's not produced in the tree, but it's basically alcohol by the time people take the sap container off the tree, no human intervention needed.

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago

If God didn't create alcohol, then why does booze taste so good? Checkmate, Tiff.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Bruh moment.

If it's impossible by nature then how could we accomplish it

He must have skipped homework numerous times in his holy book.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Jokes on you: evangelicals only read the old testament

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago

Psalm 104, 14:15 (while enumerating the great things God gave us)

[14] He makes grass grow for the cattle, and plants for people to cultivate— bringing forth food from the earth: [15] wine that gladdens human hearts, oil to make their faces shine, and bread that sustains their hearts.

Inb4, we are using oil the wrong way

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (5 children)
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[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago

The reader suggested context blurb is the best thing to ever happen to Twitter

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago

Should introduce this guy to the raccoons that get drunk and fat from the apples that ferment after falling off our tree.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)
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