Low Effort Memes

Agreed, not only for fitting in your mouth reasons, but also because the ratio of burger to bun to other toppings needs to be balanced. Too many burgers these days are made for Instagram, not for taste.

I would rather have two small burgers that can be eaten with hands than a tall burger that needs to beaten with knife and fork.

Ahhh, you missed the burger war of 2016!

My wife was craving, and I quote, "a burger big enough to choke an elephant."

Challenge accepted.

I get the supplies together, and set out on a mission. Great big ol buns, and an obscene amount of beef. Half a pound each. I was not fucking around, and was perfect willing to make mine a three meal endeavour, I don't mind leftover burgers.

So, these fuckers are full bun sized, and almost an inch thick when cooked.

I get everything plated, all the fixins on the table and give a yell.

Annnnnd it was on. They were "too big, do you think I can suck an orange down or something?" No comment.

But, you said you wanted a burger that could choke an elephant.

I didn't mean literally, I can't even take a bite!

Well, squash it down.

But then it's all squashed.

Then cut it into pieces? I don't know, you said you wanted giant mouthfuls of hot, salty, greasy meat, and you turned down the D, so you gotta work with me here.

But it's a burger, you shouldn't have to cut it.

I take a giant bite

I don't have to.

Well, yeah, but you could suck elephant dick, sasquatch boy.

I'll give you something to suck, you sass machine.

I just want a burger, couldn't you have made it bigger around instead?

Maybe if you wanted it to hang off the bun like crazy, they only make them so big. Any thinner and I'd have had to cook them one at a time because they'd be the size of a plate.

Well, why didn't you just cook smaller burgers altogether?

Because you said you wanted a burger that could choke an elephant. If you just wanted a bunch of regular sized burgers, you could have gotten a whopper or whatever.

But you know I can only open my jaw so far.

Yeah, I know exactly how far, and that burger isn't anywhere near that thick, thank you

It is with the bun and everything! It's thicker!

Look, you turned that down anyway, not my fault. Just cut it in half and make two burgers.

But then it's only crusty and crispy on one side.

Well, I can give it a quick sear.

But then it's over cooked

Do you not want the burger? Look at the dog, she wants it.

I want it! I just want it where I can get my mouth on it to take a bite.

reaches over and pulls the patty off, then squashes it on the plate

There, that'll do it.

But now it's all messy!

Woman, you do know there's limited options here. You said you wanted huge. They're huge. They're amazing too, no matter how squished and messy. Eat the burger.

Fine!

Mumble-grumble jaw going to hurt for days, rassin frassin yeti looking hairball

So, is it good?

Mmph.

Is that a yes?

Myus, itsh good. frantic chewing and swallowing

See, I told you

enter the bird of paradise, flipping my way

Love you too baby

But super tall burgers with a ridiculous amount of toppings spilling out the side are TRENDY

I would rather have two burgers rather than a super tall or wide burger.

A small medium and large burger meal should also have a small medium and large burger not just a drink and fries.

No, burgers should be smaller. Sliders are peak burger IMO, then you can just eat as many sliders as you want.

I just want a double patty smashburger with good sauce and cheddar cheese

My jaw would disconnect trying to eat instagram tower burgers

A few reasons for this,

When you're plating food you want things to be ERECT and VOLUPTUOUS, people eat with their eyes more than their mouth and making a plate of food look more attractive than 90% of the population is an artform that all self respecting chefs aspire for.

It's really funny to make the waiter/waitress you hate run a burger that's really really tall.

We might have a competition running in the kitchen for who can make the tallest burger with the same portion sizes

But I agree, as much as I like making them whenever I get a tall burger I'm like 'wtf man?'

Bonus points if they've rammed a fucken steak knife through it like a one eyed man playing five finger fillet

Mfers trying to make us unhinge our jaws to eat...

It's the only thing correct about a Whopper.

Mr Crabs doesn't want to order different size patties and buns, when stacking does the trick

You're not wrong. There was this place in Denmark known for its reasonable prices and large serving sizes. They did burgers the size and general shape of pizzas, albeit taller. We used to order one and split it between the people in the office, with the other half saved for the next day. It was fucking awesome.

Amen brother, just turned down an 8 pack as they were fatter.

My buns need a burger that matches it!

My point exactly. If I have to disassemble it in order to eat it, I simply lose the "burger experience", which for me is bun+patty+extras+bun, to be eaten by hand. I would end up with one half-burger with bun and patty, and one with bun and extras, difficult to eat by hand because you cannot grip it properly because the other bun is missing.

A 1/4 lb burger seems to be perfect for me. Bonus points for a smashburger. When they get too fat it's more like eating a meatloaf sandwich.

As far as condiments, I might be weird, but I just want basics (mustard, mayo, onion, maybe a pickle, and a good slice of cheese). It's too much and too wet to put on the whole garden salad.

Have you heard of a Whopper? It's wider but they spread the patty to like 1/4th cm thick.

Never understood the purpose of big or wide burgers. Why not just two normal size burgers? Or like three or four sliders?

Pancake sized burgers. Yes.