Getting real "That happened" vibes here.
this post was submitted on 13 Feb 2025
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i live in homeless land and im pretty sure this didn't happen but it's nice to give $15
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In today's episode of things that never happened...
Austin, TX used to be such a good town.
RIP.
We couldn't keep it weird.... I think the true beginning of the downfall was when Leslie Cochran left us. And Joe "I am so fucking straight guys" Rogan moved in
mega-fucking-sigh
I mean, I peg it more to Greg Abbott becoming governor than anything. Perry was power mad freak, but he was comparatively chill on the culture wars. Abbott's made it his life's goal to Austin into a Whites Only Country Club.
Not very familiar with Austin, why is it important that Joe Rogan is fucking straight guys and telling everyone about it?
I'm gonna be honest, Joe Rogan's sexuality never crossed my mind until this moment so I googled it. Turns out he has been married a while.
He is still a huge right courting polemical douche regardless of which sex he is attracted to.
The wife could easily be a beard.
I think it was people trying to make the weird trendy.
Plot twist, the homeless man broke into everyones car because they didnt pay the insurance.
Is there anything more American than a protection racket?
So he works like regular American health insurance.
Don't pay the insurance fee, bad things are going to happen.
Also Miss Kenzie, my fee went up.
That was pretty much how parking worked in a lot of places in my hometown. There was someone collecting the "parking fee" and it was wise to pay it. Nothing official, basically a protection racket.
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This occasionally ends up on my dash and I love it every time. The mental image/clip it provides is hysterical.
You are living in sad, sad county 😐
But the surrounding counties are pretty good.
Postcards from The Orphan Crushing Machine.
(Pretending this is real) Is this even a good deal? $15 each time. Maybe 1% chance for a break in. You end up paying on average $1500 to stop a break in.
I did this same thing when I was in Austin. When the cost of a decent drink at the bar you're going to is the same price, it's not too much to pay for carsitying services. But tbh I paid him half out of charity and half because I can't be sure he would slash my tires for NOT giving him the money. He knows where my car is and knows I'm going to be away for a while. Better safe than sorry.
Depending on the cost of parking, it might still be a winner. Every time I park near where someone homeless is posted up I offer them whatever coins I have on me to give me a shout or a call if they see a parking warden before I come back. Cheaper than parking, and it helps local people instead of fucking Wilson's.
Presumably it's more of an excuse to give the dude $15 than a real expectation of service.
Its amazing that people don't understand that its supposed to be all about the homeless man and zero percent about the car. The fact that she got coincidental services out of her charity is the funny part.
Simple! Just keep $2,000 cash in your glove compartment at all times. You've now saved $500, congratulations!
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These people's stories are always so fake.
The watching the car protection racket is a very common thing in many countries in the world my friend. Just because it's ridiculous doesn't mean it's not true.
Nah, it's the way it's delivered, not the content.
It's got the same structure and style as those ones where some person is proud of their 10 month year old for looking at the TV and saying, "Go Trump!"
A fragment of truth, with 99% of "I wish it went like this" spun in. The sardine becomes a tuna.
Unless it's true that someone will wash your car and go up against car thieves for $15 and say something like that. I guess it's technically not...impossible. "Thank ya Miss Kenzie. Have a good day Miss Kenzie. God bless Miss Kenzie."
You clearly haven’t seen Bumfights.
some person is proud of their 10 month year old for looking at the TV and saying, “Go Trump!”
And then there's me. My 10yo says something like "I wish we could kick Trump out of office." I don't talk about politics at home, I merely answered his questions when he asked around election time (Who you voting for? Why not Trump? etc), but haven't mentioned him since.
I might be a little proud, but mostly because he remembered who the President is.
It resonates precisely because it sounds so believable.
Incidentally, for all the "homeless people are shaking me down!" hate, what the story doesn't have is the army of drunk frat bros or rival football hooligans who do all the damage.
If it was a homeless guy, there'd be like 2-3 cars w/ windows smashed in until they found one w/ money. If it was a "professional" thief, it would be a handful of cars w/ obvious valuables inside. So I'm thinking some kind of gang or group.
It's called a "fraternity" when you're on a college campus.
Tell me you haven't been to Austin
That homeless man turns out was Elon Musk. He was inspired by what happened to steal even more.
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Maybe but also I bike around a lot, offer to buy people things if I'm going past a cafe or grocery store and not in a rush, and have asked the person to watch my bike while I'm in there. I've left all kinds of stuff I wouldn't normally on and in the bike and they've always watched over it even in sketchy areas or with stuff worth more than the coffee I'm about to grab them. So I'd file this one under "possible even if improbable, and could be exaggerated"
Asking strangers has proven a winning strategy, based on some research.
Strangers protect strangers’ stuff on the beach (experiment)
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You got a very good deal on a security guard. Well-done, you.
I've also seen free-agent contractors filling queues for movie tickets and TV show taping tickets - when that was a thing - and negotiating their price per hour.
The hero we never knew we needed
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