Microblog Memes

I have watched a frankly absurd amount of youtube survival videos. I am reasonably certain i could survive long enough to die of starvation since the foraging aspect of survival never really interested me enough

most of the people listing their skills here are skills that require a functioning civilization in order to use.

I have the ability to provide constant unyielding optimism as long as no one ever asks me how I'm doing

I'm really snarky. What everyone really craves in trying times is a relentless stream of inane criticism.

I can brew beer, bake bread, make wine, kill animals, preserve meat without a refrigerator, make sausages.

I'm a first-waver and I'm fine with that. The world is shit enough as it is, and I'm tired. Apocalypse? Not interested. Have at it.

Unfortunately, I'm a rifle and pistol skills trainer, handy enough with both power and non-power tools to barricade/build a functional shelter, a decent cook with barbones equipment, athletic enough to carry all that and still put in a days ruck, and multilingual enough that we won't have to kill everyone we come across right away...

Fortunately, my body regularly tries to kill me and I'll probably be in a coma before the month is out - so peace suckers.

I was an electrical engineering student a long time ago, pretty handy with most tools and electronics. I'm also least likely to kill or rape people. Well, maybe not the least likely, but very low on the list of suspects.

I could probably get working communications up and running for communities in like a couple of weeks plus travel. I probably won't eat you.

I also have experience in demolition, reclamation, and construction. I can outrun the vast majority of people. How fast can you run?

Whacky sleep schedule, I can always cover for someone who might need to rest

My special apocalypse skill is culture and entertainment.

I have a hundred TV series, a thousand curated movies, thousands of E books, and thousands of songs on a private server with 2 run drives in case that happens, encrypted of course, and with a laptop have the ability to play them for others or plug into anything with hdmi or even rgb as I carry an adapter.

Even at the end, there will be communities with solar grids that will want entertainment. I even have children's series for the kids.

If things are so bad that the prospect of a community movie night between farming and defense watches isn't an enticement, being shot would probably be a mercy. Plus, given time to scrounge and loot the before-fore times, it'd be pretty easy to offer copies of that entertainment to others in trade to other survivor communities without giving much up.

How much would an old laptop with 100 movies be worth to a community that's been telling eachother blurry recollections of old fiction around the fire for entertainment for years?

Brewing alcohol and maybe making drugs. Very essential stuff ;)

I'm not particularly good at any one thing. I have a PhD, but not in a subject that's "practical" in the post apocalypse. I'm physically fit enough, but I'm not a paragon of strength or agility. Relatedly, I'm in my mid30s, so not old, but not spry either. I'm handy enough to fix things with instruction and some light jury-rigging, but I'm hardly a Macguyver-type. I've never fired a gun before, but I can probably learn to use one.

Assuming I'm not killed instantaneously, or shortly thereafter, I'm an extra set of hands or an additional mouth to feed, depending on your perspective. Charitably, I'm analytically-minded and useful enough in the field, low to middle management type; less charitably, I'm an NPC type that happens to have some amusing dialog.

In a movie or tv show following a group in the post apocalypse, I think I'd be like the 4th to die; dignified enough to have established a minor story arch, but certainly not enough to be a main character. Also not so unimportant that I'm killed off screen (or worse yet, ret-conned).

I can sleep through anything.

Wake me up when they reestablish the society.

I'm tasty.

All my skills are computer related. I'd be useless as heck.

I'm a handyman and a weed farmer lmfao I can't wait for the apocalypse

Who Will Be Eaten First?

I'm a mechanical engineer who's done a lot of hands-on metalworking. Welding, cutting, grinding... you name it. The spikes on your vehicle and the diesel fuel powering it need to come from somewhere. You'll need lots of guns and ammo too.

And yes I've got it all in print for when the power is out. My Machinery's Handbook will be passed down for generations.

I have an infinite amount of patience, diplomacy and faith in the importance of solidarity

Mine would be being a good watch; startled easily, don't get bored, don't get tired.

Nice try skynet.

Honestly, assuming I can keep getting the stimulants I need to function I would be pretty valuable. I'm good at fixing damn near everything, I'm good with a rifle, and I am an eagle scout with all the survival training that entailed. Of course without my drugs you might as well call me "emergency rations" for all the good I would do.

As I said in another comment. my special skill is preparation and planning.

I have millions of books on subjects ranging from social economics to medical texts. these are stored on my personal servers.

I have hand picked the most essential and placed them on SD cards in case power is hard to come by. I have two e-ink readers that can be used to read the cards.

I also have physical books of immediate needs like FM 21-76. Some medical texts as well as pharmaceutical. I also have textbooks from school so that my kids can continue their education.

I have an insane amount of movies and television. ranging from adult to kid content. I have collected a wide ranging spank bank(6tb!). When shit gets rough, people will give up anything to feel "happy normal" again.

I'm currently in the process teaching myself how to train AI models on content(more of a hobby). I'd like to train some models on the books I have and base them on specific topics like medical, construction, etc...

That's a fair point too. I grew up very poor. I learned to be resourceful and make due with what you have early on in life. If I can't source what I need it's likely I can make it.

I can farm, I can perform minor surgery/field medic, I can build buildings, I can weld, I can shoot/hunt. if there's something I can't do, it's likely in one of the books I have so that I can at least learn how to try.

always lived my life with the constant threat of all my things being taken away from me. It made me accept early on that the only thing that can't be stolen from me is my knowledge, so in essence I am my best asset for survival.

Can grow weed and am purple belt in bjj. Could teach wrestling and grappling and get you high. Worked as an electrical apprentice for some time. Can wire up all sorts of basic shit. Insulated a couple thousand home in my time, I can keep a place warm.

Gardening, food preservation, baking, and backyard chickens. I'll trade zucchini and eggs for everything and if I can't I'll give them away

Seriously an undervalued skill in a zombie apocalypse

There really isn't anything that I can't do well enough. I'm somewhat of a Renaissance Man. Shooting, hunting, fighting, farming, construction, fishing, mechanics, electronics, radio communication, soldering, flying, whatever, I've done it.

Being naturally avoidant of other people. It's always other people who pose the greatest danger in these situations.