Greentext

I get all my wipes out at the beginning of the month, that way I don't have to waste time later on

Thanks for the shitty tip!

I love how Aubrey breaks before Chris says anything past his first line

Parks and Rec is such a great show.

It’s the only way I can finger myself without it being gay

If "red" rhymes with "bidet" you're highly American

Waffle stomp of power!!

I gave up on reddit years ago but whenever someone posts about bidets it reminds me of my favorite reddit exchange

Someone posted asking why americans don’t use bidets. I commented, saying “am american, use bidet. Love it, shits tight”

Eventually a reply came from a confused esl person asking me if I had a constipation problem because they didn’t understand the colloquialism “shits tight”

I think about that exchange more often than I should

Yes. You just use this to blast water into your colon until it's sparkling clean inside. I love it.

Funny how there's always a completely moot discussion about wiping techniques or bidets when the real issue with people having to wipe 20 times is almost always diet.

If you think that's bullshit go ahead and buy a small (for testing) pack of psyllium husk, consume two table spoons a day (in water or on top of a meal) and witness yourself becoming One-Sheet-Shane on the throne in 3 days.