this post was submitted on 07 Sep 2024
343 points (97.0% liked)

Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] [email protected] 65 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 months ago (1 children)

He gets down on all fours and breaks into a sprint, he's gaining on you!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago

Fighting for your life with Shia LaBeouf

Normal Tuesday night for Shia LaBeouf

[–] [email protected] 64 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Plot twist: Dad knows about the monster in the woods and that's why he wants to make sure anon gets home on time.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 months ago

Directed by: M. Night Shyamalan

[–] andrew_bidlaw 15 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

And OP is the blind girl.

[–] fibojoly 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

And the beatings are to strengthen him for when the time comes...?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago

I get beaten twice a week.

Although my beaters call it jiu jitsu.

[–] [email protected] 44 points 2 months ago (1 children)

being followed in the forest at night is a special kind of scary. even when you know it's your imagination.

[–] taladar 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

On the other hand with an active imagination not being followed in the forest at night is another special kind of scary. You can imagine all kinds of ways you could trip over something and lie there unconscious or hurt and unable to move and nobody will find you for hours.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago
[–] [email protected] 43 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Oh no. I'm lost in the woods at night. I hope a spooky werewolf doesn't come and get me.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 months ago

Instance doesn't check out

[–] Estiar 5 points 2 months ago

Oh no! Then you might become a cute werewolf! OwO

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago

Stupid sexy werewolf.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 2 months ago (1 children)

My dad left like 10 years ago for milk and eggs. He came home in an urn. ☹️

[–] andrew_bidlaw 17 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Milk and eggs for a fast shrinking diet. Noted.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Not like I really cared to give any details, but aside from his prior existing health issues, he basically died from swallowing grits and eggs that were way too hot and he basically boiled his esophagus.

What's worse is that he was old and stubborn and refused to go to the hospital for like 5 months, and he spent the last month of his life finally in the hospital, but way too late. ☹️💀

TL;Please Don't Read - Make damn sure your food ain't too hot.

[–] andrew_bidlaw 7 points 2 months ago (2 children)

TL;DR Hot meals can cook you.

I wonder if he was following the logic that a recursive addition of heat can cleanse him from growing gut pains.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago (1 children)

He was half paranoid and didn't trust doctors. He was hoping that enough rest time and drinking Ensure would allow him time to heal on his own.

And I wasn't allowed to call an ambulance, he slept on a couch packed with guns and straight up told me he'd shoot emergency people if I called them without his authorization..

Yeah, he was a bit eccentric, to say the least.

[–] andrew_bidlaw 8 points 2 months ago

Good god, it's great you are still alive to print it.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Humans are, in fact, made of meat

[–] andrew_bidlaw 1 points 2 months ago

I feel like you were replying to another post\comment of mine.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

how hot was that???