this post was submitted on 25 Aug 2024
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The Internet in Ancient Times

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Welcome to the stone age... or the bronze age... or the iron age... heck, anything with an 'age' is welcome, except our modern age or any ages to come.

This is about what the internet was like thousands of years ago back when it all started. Like when Darius the Great hired mercenaries via Craigslist or when Egypt invented emojis.

CODE OF LAWS

1 - Be civil. No name calling, no fighting, keep your flint hand axes inside your leather pouches at all times.

2 - Keep the AI stuff to a minimum. It gets annoying and old fashioned memes are more fun for everyone.

3 - None of this newfangled modern 21st century nonsense. We don't even know what "21st century" means.

4 - No porn/explicit content. The king is sensitive about these things.

5 - No lemmy.world TOS violations will be tolerated. So there.

6 - There is no ~~rule~~ law 6.

Laws of justice which Hammurabi, the wise king, established. A righteous law, and pious statute did he teach the land. Hammurabi, the protecting king am I. I have not withdrawn myself from the men, whom Bel gave to me, the rule over whom Marduk gave to me, I was not negligent, but I made them a peaceful abiding-place. I expounded all great difficulties, I made the light shine upon them. With the mighty weapons which Zamama and Ishtar entrusted to me, with the keen vision with which Ea endowed me, with the wisdom that Marduk gave me, I have uprooted the enemy above and below (in north and south), subdued the earth, brought prosperity to the land, guaranteed security to the inhabitants in their homes; a disturber was not permitted. The great gods have called me, I am the salvation-bearing shepherd, whose staff is straight, the good shadow that is spread over my city; on my breast I cherish the inhabitants of the land of Sumer and Akkad; in my shelter I have let them repose in peace; in my deep wisdom have I enclosed them. That the strong might not injure the weak, in order to protect the widows and orphans, I have in Babylon the city where Anu and Bel raise high their head, in E-Sagil, the Temple, whose foundations stand firm as heaven and earth, in order to bespeak justice in the land, to settle all disputes, and heal all injuries, set up these my precious words, written upon my memorial stone, before the image of me, as king of righteousness.

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[–] [email protected] 85 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (2 children)

maybe dry bones preserve better than cloth or leather 🀷

[–] [email protected] 40 points 3 months ago

It is implied that the "earliest indication" of pants is the sculpture on the right, which makes it even more silly. It's not even ancient cloth that was preserved to prove the existence of pants, but a stone sculpture that showed a person wearing them.

[–] BlucifersVeinyAnus 40 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Rock out with your cock out was the law of the land back then 🀘🏽

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago

I knew this would be here. My faith in humanity is confirmed.

[–] [email protected] 38 points 3 months ago (2 children)

What about hats, were there men without hats performing music?

[–] [email protected] 30 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Yes, but they can dance if they want to.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 3 months ago (2 children)

They can leave their pants behind

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 months ago

Cause their friends got pants, and if they got pants, then they ain't no friends of mine

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

Everybody run from the dinosaur!

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

...johnny played guitar, jenny played bass, name of the band was the human race...

[–] [email protected] 34 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Birds still haven't figured out pants. Bunch of naked musicians, those birds.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 3 months ago (1 children)

What do you mean those birds? You're a penguin!

Although I do hear your species can manage bow ties and tighty whities.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 3 months ago (3 children)

At least one ancient flute was made with approximately the same octave shifts in notes that we use today. The musicality is built into us at a genetic level to appreciate as we do.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I have a theory that desire for music in some animals (including us) began because of our heartbeats. Heartbeats would also be associated with being embraced by someone (head to chest) which could also connect to our fondness of it.

Hmm, this makes me wonder if there's a correlation between musical interest and the presence of a embracing parent at birth.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 months ago

Medical science also seems to support an association between music and heartbeats. There are a lot of very popular songs that are the correct BPM for CPR.

Here's one of the longer CPR playlists on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2Odd1DB9wODzWNE0v9vd5E?si=Dlepfu28TnWOUDR-ZAJzTA&pi=MlC4CHQ7QwGju

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I wonder if it's the same rate as speech. Birds and whales seem to be the only other animals to sing and it's commected to speech.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I mean, wolves sing. We just don't appreciate their version of metal.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Speak for yourself - that’s music I could love. Even better if a Crow/Grimm/Helsing conducts the orchestra

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 months ago

An octive is literally twice the frequency of the notes below it, how is that genetic? The only thing that unique in music is that a 3/2 ratio (a perfect fifth) only makes sense in 5, 7, and 12 note scales and even then it's slightly out of tune by a couple of cents so you can either use relative temperment or even temperment depending on preference. Alternatively you can optimize for other ratios and get all microtonal.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago

I use the hum of my theremin as a stand-in for the embrace of a lover

[–] [email protected] 23 points 3 months ago (1 children)

even if this is true, there are other, much cooler types of clothing than trousers that still cover your arse

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Turns out Oshkosh and Oshkosh B'gosh make different stuff. My sister is going to be confused at the baby shower I think.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Baby's first cement truck?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago

It's actually an MRAP. Might have been one of those "moreso for me" gifts

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Imagine my confusion when all I could buy was a sagum and tunic. Turns out I was shopping at Oshkosh Ostragoth

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

I had to google this (because I'm not from the US) and I'd be super surprised if their tagline became "cooler than trousers but still covers your arse"

[–] [email protected] 19 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Roman's: Pants are effeminate and stupid.

[–] blockheadjt 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

Roman's pants.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I'm not convinced that this isn't a planted fossil. It is just too much of an outlier in the fossil record.

[–] Timecircleline 2 points 3 months ago

Yes, where is the missing link between this flute and the oboe?

[–] [email protected] 14 points 3 months ago (1 children)

'Pants'? So what are you supposed to do when you need to drain the stegosaurus? Take them off again?

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago

Then the three seashells.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Are we talking US or UK pants here?

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I don't know. What's the conversion rate?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 months ago

Roughly 11” of the British Trouser to 9.5” of the American Pantaloon.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 months ago

The stone dude is definitely wearing US pants at least.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Listening to music without pants is the best way to listen

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 months ago

Let them dicks swing to the groove of the music

[–] Iamsqueegee 9 points 3 months ago (1 children)

TIL it took 40,000 years for the saying β€œdance your pants off” to make sense.

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago

Ahh, so that's when the good old days were

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago
[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago

TIL blowjob historical periods

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago

All dance-offs were of the β€˜pants off’ varietal.

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