this post was submitted on 18 Aug 2024
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Dad Jokes

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This is a community for sharing those cheesy “dad” jokes that invoke an eye roll or chuckle.

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[–] [email protected] 116 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (3 children)

Hadn't seen this one before but I saw this in a book:

There once was a man from Peru,
Whose limericks stopped at line two

and then later in the same book they had

There once was a man from Verdun

[–] [email protected] 29 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

I like this.

There are two types of people:

  1. Those who can extrapolate
[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

eye twitches from incomplete data

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 weeks ago

I figured that was a double layer of extrapolation.

Also couldn't be bothered typing the rest on a phone.

[–] Classy 6 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

There are 10 types of people in the world

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

All bases are belong to us

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 weeks ago
  • base10, provably
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[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 weeks ago

Verdun here

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

There was once an unfortunate bard

Who found fashioning limericks hard.

He stopped at line three

[–] [email protected] 60 points 3 weeks ago

There once was a bard from Japan
Whose limericks never would scan
When told this was so
He replied, 'Yes, I know"
"But I always try and fit as many words into the last line as I possibly can."

[–] [email protected] 49 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

there’s really no need to say more

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 weeks ago

God fucking damn genius.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 3 weeks ago

The audience always wants more

[–] [email protected] 25 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

There was a young man from south bend

Whose limericks all came to an end

Suddenly

[–] [email protected] 25 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

Reminds me of an oldie:

“Roses are red, Violets are blue. Some poems rhyme, This one don’t.”

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 weeks ago

I will occasionally go out of my way to put together birthday cards etc for friends and family rather than buy something off the rack. One year I made this for my cousin:

Roses are red

(Rose dot jpeg)

Violets are too

(Violet in red dot jpeg)

open

I ran out of cyan

Happy birthday

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 weeks ago

I knew it as

Roses are red.
Violets are blue
I hate rhyming.
Zebra

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 weeks ago

Yes these kinds of works works best when you sing them like bards would. Just reading them as is is not as good. Or you can sing them like tenacious d (they got the bard style going on)

[–] [email protected] 22 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (4 children)

My favourite language joke:

What's the difference between a cat and a comma?

One's got claws at the end of its paws, the other's a pause at the end of a clause

*fixed order

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 weeks ago

What do you call Santa's little helpers?

Subordinate Clauses

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (2 children)

... he traded the fifth for a whore

... the four is an Int I adore

... ~~three~~ third bit~~s~~ is all I afford

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

You've gotta leave them wanting more

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 weeks ago

this is my favourite so far

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

... the four is an Int I adore

So that's your stand on the square numbers vs fibonacci primes, I see

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 weeks ago

But a four is soooo symmetric.

[–] Classy 16 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Not a limerick but I want to share my favorite pun joke

I once submitted ten puns to a pun contest, hoping one would win, but
No pun intended

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

I always thought that joke needs an actual pun in the first half so the "no pun intended" has a valid double meaning. I came up with:

I told the sad ghost ten puns to raise its spirits. No pun intendid.

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

And this is the fifth line of four..

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 weeks ago

This one's great!

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 weeks ago

"...I can't think of a single word more."

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

whose limericks stopped at line four

Bad rhythm. Should be “whose limericks would stop at line four”

[–] [email protected] 42 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

That depends on whether you treat "limericks" as a trochee (long-short, i.e. "lim-ricks") or a dactyl (long-short-short, i.e. "lim-er-icks").

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

My bandwidth is crappy through Tor.

OR

Too much exposition's a bore.

OR

Though a quatrain's a ditty,

My pay's itty bitty.

If you cut prose apart, so as to make more,

Perhaps, one day, I'll afford my lost oar.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

and then he said nothing more.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 weeks ago

I find the fifth line a chore

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 weeks ago

You're both sadist and poetic boor.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 weeks ago

And then he spoke not a word more.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

There once was a mute man from spain
Who loved traveling on planes
When ask what he thought
Of the brand new concord
He said

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 weeks ago

And with that he walked out the door

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 weeks ago

Nice lady who makes delicious snacks.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 weeks ago

*badum...* Y'know, no, this is so terrible, I will not finish the rimshot.

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