this post was submitted on 18 Aug 2024
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Dad Jokes

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This is a community for sharing those cheesy “dad” jokes that invoke an eye roll or chuckle.

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[–] [email protected] 117 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (3 children)

Hadn't seen this one before but I saw this in a book:

There once was a man from Peru,
Whose limericks stopped at line two

and then later in the same book they had

There once was a man from Verdun

[–] [email protected] 30 points 2 months ago (2 children)

I like this.

There are two types of people:

  1. Those who can extrapolate
[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 months ago (1 children)

eye twitches from incomplete data

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago

I figured that was a double layer of extrapolation.

Also couldn't be bothered typing the rest on a phone.

[–] Classy 7 points 2 months ago (2 children)

There are 10 types of people in the world

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago (1 children)

All bases are belong to us

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago
  • base10, provably
[–] Ookami38 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

-Those who understand binary

-those who don't

-those who didn't expect this to be in ternary?

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago

Verdun here

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

There was once an unfortunate bard

Who found fashioning limericks hard.

He stopped at line three

[–] [email protected] 61 points 2 months ago

There once was a bard from Japan
Whose limericks never would scan
When told this was so
He replied, 'Yes, I know"
"But I always try and fit as many words into the last line as I possibly can."

[–] [email protected] 50 points 2 months ago (1 children)

there’s really no need to say more

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago

God fucking damn genius.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 2 months ago

The audience always wants more

[–] [email protected] 26 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

There was a young man from south bend

Whose limericks all came to an end

Suddenly

[–] [email protected] 26 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Reminds me of an oldie:

“Roses are red, Violets are blue. Some poems rhyme, This one don’t.”

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 months ago

I will occasionally go out of my way to put together birthday cards etc for friends and family rather than buy something off the rack. One year I made this for my cousin:

Roses are red

(Rose dot jpeg)

Violets are too

(Violet in red dot jpeg)

open

I ran out of cyan

Happy birthday

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago

I knew it as

Roses are red.
Violets are blue
I hate rhyming.
Zebra

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

Yes these kinds of works works best when you sing them like bards would. Just reading them as is is not as good. Or you can sing them like tenacious d (they got the bard style going on)

[–] [email protected] 23 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (4 children)

My favourite language joke:

What's the difference between a cat and a comma?

One's got claws at the end of its paws, the other's a pause at the end of a clause

*fixed order

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago

What do you call Santa's little helpers?

Subordinate Clauses

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[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (2 children)

... he traded the fifth for a whore

... the four is an Int I adore

... ~~three~~ third bit~~s~~ is all I afford

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago (1 children)

You've gotta leave them wanting more

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago

this is my favourite so far

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago (1 children)

... the four is an Int I adore

So that's your stand on the square numbers vs fibonacci primes, I see

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago

But a four is soooo symmetric.

[–] Classy 17 points 2 months ago (4 children)

Not a limerick but I want to share my favorite pun joke

I once submitted ten puns to a pun contest, hoping one would win, but
No pun intended

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago
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[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 months ago (1 children)

And this is the fifth line of four..

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 months ago

"...I can't think of a single word more."

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago (1 children)

whose limericks stopped at line four

Bad rhythm. Should be “whose limericks would stop at line four”

[–] [email protected] 43 points 2 months ago (1 children)

That depends on whether you treat "limericks" as a trochee (long-short, i.e. "lim-ricks") or a dactyl (long-short-short, i.e. "lim-er-icks").

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Egerlach, they once called this bard

Who'd school any with whom he did spar

Whether trochee or dactyl

word choice was impec'ble

master of prosody, unflappable.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

My bandwidth is crappy through Tor.

OR

Too much exposition's a bore.

OR

Though a quatrain's a ditty,

My pay's itty bitty.

If you cut prose apart, so as to make more,

Perhaps, one day, I'll afford my lost oar.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago (1 children)

and then he said nothing more.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

eh 7-10 in lines 1, 2, and 5. cold have been more consistent but its not like its a haiku. kind of ruins the joke to write a last line anyway

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago

I find the fifth line a chore

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago

You're both sadist and poetic boor.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago

And then he spoke not a word more.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

There once was a mute man from spain
Who loved traveling on planes
When ask what he thought
Of the brand new concord
He said

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

And with that he walked out the door

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

*badum...* Y'know, no, this is so terrible, I will not finish the rimshot.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago

Nice lady who makes delicious snacks.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago
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