this post was submitted on 10 Jun 2024
858 points (97.6% liked)

okmatewanker

526 readers
89 users here now

No foul language - i.e. French ๐Ÿคฎ

Obviously satire, dozy wankers

founded 10 months ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[โ€“] [email protected] 148 points 2 months ago (2 children)

MORTIFIED. So thoroughly distressed he got his picture taken to be in the Mail.

[โ€“] Lucidlethargy 8 points 2 months ago

Absolutely DISPERAGED to find the therapy seems to be doing an alright job. Very unhappy with the service, he is telling everyone he "definitely doesn't recommend how amazingly effective it is, especially since there's not a kickback for referrals. He HATES it, everyone!

He does not, in any way, still have a micro dork that gives him constant issues. No way, guys. No way.

He just bought a Cybertruck, in fact. It's amazing. It's so great. His penis is fine, everyone. It's not inverted at all when he thinks people are judging his ability to perform. It's absolutely throbbing, everyone! It's all great. Go buy a Cybertruck!

[โ€“] [email protected] 83 points 2 months ago (9 children)

There is nothing wrong with, and everything right about, small penises. The more we mock menโ€™s behavior and bodies, the more we ourselves create awful 4ร—4 behavior.

All penises are good. Sometimes the people attached are awful.


Alternatively, imagine saying this about another body part on another gender.

[โ€“] [email protected] 26 points 2 months ago (1 children)

This is some small titty energy.

... It doesn't hit the same.

[โ€“] [email protected] 32 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Girls with small titties don't overcompensate by buying land rovers

[โ€“] [email protected] 12 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Does anyone with any particular body characteristic overcompensate by purchasing a land rover or it it just meant to mock them by associating them with something they, and the person making the association, perceive as negative?

[โ€“] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I think the idea is that if you feel the need to have a powerful status symbol like a Range Rover or a Porsche then the only explanation is that you just desire the status symbol of "Big Man". The old joke is then that they feel the need to be a big man because they feel ashamed about something else like having a small willy.

[โ€“] VirtualOdour 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

So you're saying that it's shameful to have a small penis and it's OK to look down on people based on their penis size?

That's the assertion your theory is dependent on.

I know it's rare to think about things we say often but really try and think about it, it's a dumb thing to say and continuing it simply because it's commonly said would be really dumb - not everyone with a small penis is a rage filled monster but forcing these cruel assertions that someone with a small penis is likely to be the sort of loser that drives a Porsche does make it more likely someone with a small penis will fixate on it and suffer social anxiety because of it.

[โ€“] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I know fully well that's the case, that's why I described it as "the theory" and "the old joke" rather than saying it's what I think or that I think it's correct.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (8 replies)
[โ€“] [email protected] 73 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Dude really showed his face in the article

load more comments (3 replies)
[โ€“] [email protected] 54 points 2 months ago (3 children)
[โ€“] [email protected] 48 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Just call 0121-824-0432 and theyโ€™ll fix your twig and berries.

[โ€“] [email protected] 15 points 2 months ago

Anyone tried the number? I'm asking for a friend.

[โ€“] [email protected] 10 points 2 months ago (1 children)

That's the old number, the new one is 0118 999 881 999 119 7253

So easy to remember

[โ€“] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago (3 children)

I used to work in a print shop, we made things like business cards and stuff, and we used to use that as our lorem ipsum of phone numbers.

Although because we're not savages like you are we used to write it correctly 0118 999 881 999 119 725 ... 3

load more comments (3 replies)
[โ€“] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)
[โ€“] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Need an American version of this

[โ€“] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago

Agreed - an American version of the NHS would be a massive improvement over what we have now.

[โ€“] brbposting 42 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Iโ€™m always uncomfortable cuz ppl on the internet made me think this is body shaming

Not b/c we care about the driver but other guys who are rockinโ€™ le petite weiners

[โ€“] [email protected] 52 points 2 months ago (8 children)

This is the way I look at it. I don't care if someone is homosexual because honestly no one's sexuality is my business. However, I mercilessly mock the conservatives who keep getting caught fucking same sex partners because of the hypocrisy.

There's nothing shameful about a small dick. Use what you've got, we've all got talents. There is something shameful about feeling so insecure about some aspect of yourself that you'll get a big ass vehicle that you'll never get full use out of because you refuse to address your insecurities. The small dick comments are just where we "meet them where they live".

Hell, I've got a truck because I haul shit a couple of times a week. It's not my main mode of transportation but I do drive it. If I got one of these because someone saw my truck unloaded I'd laugh my ass off. But there are definitely people who feel the need to prove some shit and would clutch all their pearls over a piece of paper from a stranger.

[โ€“] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

A truck's okay because it's actually utility vehicle. Just as long as it's not one of those big stupid American style ones.

But a lot of modern 4x4s can't actually operate off road very well. If Jeremy Clarkson mocks them for having one (and he's said as much) then you know it's bad.

load more comments (1 replies)
[โ€“] VirtualOdour 4 points 2 months ago

But you've invented that they brought their car because of a small penis it's unlikely to actually be true.

Would you joke that a random black guy driving a Lamborghini is insecure about the color of his skin and post a little flier using race to mock him? Of course not.

load more comments (6 replies)
[โ€“] [email protected] 29 points 2 months ago

Also, a complimentary colonoscopy for the butt hurt.

[โ€“] [email protected] 20 points 2 months ago (4 children)

I need to print up a bunch of cards saying, โ€œIf you fuck like you park youโ€™ll never get it in,โ€ for all the absurd parking jobs I see.

load more comments (4 replies)
[โ€“] [email protected] 19 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Never let them see you cry.

load more comments (1 replies)
[โ€“] [email protected] 18 points 2 months ago (10 children)

Damn we need some of those out here

load more comments (10 replies)
[โ€“] [email protected] 15 points 2 months ago

Niccceee....

[โ€“] [email protected] 11 points 2 months ago

Wait, this isn't the onion?

[โ€“] [email protected] 11 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Shit. That's so brilliant. I think I'll have to do this.

[โ€“] Imgonnatrythis 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Let us know if it works. I think any gain of 2cm or more is probably worthwhile.

load more comments (1 replies)
[โ€“] captain_aggravated 8 points 2 months ago (2 children)

I have never seen a Land Rover being driven by a man. They're chick buses here.

[โ€“] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago (1 children)

That's Range Rovers, at least Land Rovers actually are off-road vehicles, even if they don't use them like that, but Range Rovers get bogged down in a grassy field.

[โ€“] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Range Rovers are Land Rovers...... They're a model of Land Rover. Land Rover is the make......

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[โ€“] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago

Now, I just need to purchase a 4x4.

[โ€“] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago
load more comments
view more: next โ€บ