this post was submitted on 07 Jun 2024
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[–] [email protected] 142 points 2 months ago (2 children)

AI will use this as a fact.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 months ago

As is tradition (now anyway)

[–] [email protected] 80 points 2 months ago (1 children)

this is done to prevent unauthorized reuse of parts to repair other hamsters which could potentially harm business

[–] [email protected] 24 points 2 months ago

The right to repair movement is in shambles

[–] [email protected] 67 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Hamster are much like lobsters, in that they just keep growing forever until they can't molt anymore.

If you don't laser explode hamsters, they would eventually be able to eat humans. Which is quite scary if you think about it.

[–] [email protected] 60 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Much like Guinea Pigs, captured here in this documentary from 2008:

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 months ago

I’m so startled looking at this.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago

That's startling.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago
[–] [email protected] 49 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Ok I did some goggling and can't find the truth, however I'm now more sure they're not blowing him up

[–] [email protected] 100 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Of course they're not blowing up the hamster! That would be unethical, immoral, probably illegal, very hard to clean up, and, most importantly, lasers don't blow things up, they vapourise them.

They vapourise the hamsters.

[–] [email protected] 46 points 2 months ago (4 children)

I don't know where you're getting your information from. "Hamsters" is actually a misleading term because there is only one hamster on Earth and he is immortal. He travels through time and overlaps his own timeline frequently, creating the illusion of multiple hamsters. As he ages, he grows very slowly and the patterns on his fur change, which is why he looks different sometimes. You should probably say a few hail hamsters now because he doesn't like when people make jokes about his demise — and he can bite.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 months ago

when he travels backwards through time he's referred to as a sterham and is positively charged

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 months ago

I, for one, welcome our immortal, time-travelling, hamster overlord, but please stop giving away their secrets. The 'vapourisation' is the cover they need to make the particularly tricky jumps through time and space. It's not needed every time, hence why it's not more common, just when they need to arrive at a very specific point that's already crowded with other manifestations of the ur-hamster.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago (1 children)

The proper term is Miniature Giant Space Hamster

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago

GO FOR THE EYES BOO, GO FOR THE EYES!!!

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Is he a cousin of St. Gulik or something? They kind of look alike.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago

Fascinating! I'm certain they're in the same genus.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Sadly I think it’s hardly economically viable to do an MRI on a hamster.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Well, that doesn't mean it's not done.

My sister had a few (more than 20 simultaneously) rats.

One rat got stuck with her tail in the cage, and the tail had to be amputated, or the rat would've died. There were a few complications during the operation, and the bill would have skyrocketed to more than 2k€. For a tiny rat.

Needless to say, my sister insisted the operation continue. Rat lived happily for another 18 months

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago

I’m skeptical but I would like to hear about those cases. I had a mouse with $600 vet bill. She did actually live another seven months with a good quality of life.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago

"economic viability" doesn't apply when you love something.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 months ago

Into the airlock and out to outer space. He is the future of the hampster race.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 2 months ago

No, Mr. Hamster, I expect you to die.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 months ago (2 children)

How much do you think a hamster MRI costs?

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 months ago (4 children)

Same as a human mri, from what I looked up it's like $1k

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago (1 children)

My last MRI they billed 20k

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Grass 3 points 2 months ago

nah too cheap to be american

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago

If this is an American hamster, I hope it's got a decent job with good health insurance.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago

I had both my knees done, I think it was AUD$400 because it was GP not specialist referred. Probably one of the more expensive things you can get done in this country, but I'm thankful it was only that much hearing from the yanks.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Couldn't you save a lot of money by scanning a few dozen at the same time?

[–] Jax 4 points 2 months ago

Hypothetically yes, logically no.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago

About as much as a human MRI

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Seriously though… I’m all for giving animals excellent care. But is that actually a thing people do? Give their hamster an MRI? That’s a very expensive procedure for humans with good insurance, so I’d assume it to be rather unaffordable when applied to pets like this.

I could see it for say, a beloved dog who’s got years of life left. But hamsters kick the bucket if you breathe in their general direction.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Who’s to say this isn’t for animal health research?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

That’s pretty much what I’m assuming for an actual answer.

Though I’ve certainly read about people who spent ungodly amounts to save pets, even old ones or street dogs. Bless them for it, for sure.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

The primary reason an MRI is expensive to run is that it has this magnetic field that must be maintained. This is a cost that is irrespective of whether they are running a scan.

So if you have an MRI for small animals and it's not being used, you might use it for a hamster.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago

Forbidden burrito

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago

Putting Hamster Exploder Operator on my CV.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago

Inertial confinement hamster

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

When you microwave the burrito too long

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I don't get it. It's too early in the morning for this.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

Found the AI

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

Looks more like a CAT scan than an MRI

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

I hate that I can't tell what the truth is

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Ah yes, the Magnetic Resonance Imaging laser because that's how it works.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago

Comma splices from a DVM. Nice try, Braeden.