You're jumping too far ahead.

The key to social grace is letting things be organic

You introduce yourself. You maybe say who you're there with, then maybe ask how the new person met the person you know. This gives you a point of connection to start from that's always going to be present at gatherings large or small. The new person is already connected to you by the already familiar people. So you build on that and allow the conversation to flow from that.

Easy peasy. You don't have to worry about anything except the moment. If new dude is a talker, problem solved because they're going to keep going and all you have to do is listen. If they aren't, then you know to hang back a bit and still listen while letting their flow ebb at its own pace.

I think most of us have been there at sometime in our past. It is difficult, for sure. I have had to take classes on how to do small talk in order to find ways through this, because I need to be able to work my way through these situations for my job. It is tricks like - you mentioned the guy works construction - so ask him what type of things he is building. How did he get into that position. Is construction what he has wanted to do his whole life, or how did he land that type of job. You need to ask questions that will provoke another person's opinions (whether you like their answers or not) and usually they start to spill their personal stories quite easily. Share a few anecdotes when you can to keep things moving forward. But I agree - it is difficult and very uncomfortable.

I read that as "my partner's new boyfriend" and was trying to adjust to that thought.

Nope, ain't gonna happen.

Jesus yes. The implicit segregation in social settings is my worst nightmare.

Here are my conversation starters:

• Do you have any plans for this summer? substitute in the next long weekend or major holiday
• (on Monday) how was your weekend?
• (on Friday) got any plans for the weekend?
• How do you know ?

It's not a great list, but it gives people an excuse to start chatting.