this post was submitted on 09 Feb 2024
511 points (96.2% liked)

Microblog Memes

5913 readers
3181 users here now

A place to share screenshots of Microblog posts, whether from Mastodon, tumblr, ~~Twitter~~ X, KBin, Threads or elsewhere.

Created as an evolution of White People Twitter and other tweet-capture subreddits.

Rules:

  1. Please put at least one word relevant to the post in the post title.
  2. Be nice.
  3. No advertising, brand promotion or guerilla marketing.
  4. Posters are encouraged to link to the toot or tweet etc in the description of posts.

Related communities:

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 92 points 9 months ago (4 children)

If I woke up as a woman, regardless of who that woman is, I would masturbate.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 9 months ago (2 children)

I would masturbate.

This is how I answer most hypotheticals

[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago (2 children)

What if you woke up as your grandpa.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago (5 children)

I suppose it depends on how decomposed I am and whether or not I need a heartbeat to get an erection, or if the force reanimating me takes care of that in addition to basic movement, perception and cognition.

load more comments (5 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 18 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I'd fart in a position so the fart bubbles through my pussy lips and giggle uncontrollably.

Then probably eat Taco Bell and repeat a couple times.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (7 children)

You know, I did have masterbate. Now I'm not sure. Would it be different if she... well, I.... had an innie?

Also wonder if I can turn my wife bi so double bonus if I ever get back.

load more comments (7 replies)
[–] HerbalGamer 17 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Yeah if I was her you wouldn't see her outside for a few weeks if I'm honest.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 9 months ago

Taylor Swift randomly disappears for 2 months,, then suddenly releases new single called "Oh So That's What It's Like"

[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago

Check if that asshole is bleached

[–] [email protected] 51 points 9 months ago

*take a 15 minute flight in my jet to get some fresh bread

[–] [email protected] 33 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Post nudes on 4chan. See if they can tell if they're real

[–] [email protected] 34 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Carefully photoshop her face in from other pictures of her. Make them both real and fake at the same time.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago

Post nudes, but with some other woman's face photoshopped on the body. The greatest troll would be that the nudes they seek are right in front of them, they just don't know it.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 9 months ago (20 children)

Check myself out nude and then start working on a Norwegian black metal album.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago (3 children)

I like all the men chiming in who think that Taylor Swift isn't hot enough for them. Because I'm sure all the women interested in them are far more attractive than Taylor Swift, which is why they have such high standards.

load more comments (3 replies)
load more comments (19 replies)
[–] [email protected] 30 points 9 months ago (3 children)

Well first I got up I had a piece of toast.. then I brushed my teeth. Then I went to the store to buy some fish.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago

CLAW-PLACH!!!

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago
[–] [email protected] 20 points 9 months ago

Taking my top off? It's what our do regardless of who I woke up as though.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 9 months ago

100% I'm masturbating and checking myself out in the mirror while doing so.

Then I'd buy myself all the things I wanted (assuming I wake up in her life and not just her body in my life).

[–] [email protected] 14 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

why am I seeing Taylor Swift everywhere? Is she running for presidency?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago

It's fascist propaganda. It's not just that they don't like her endorcing Biden or the conspiracy theories, it's also good distraction from real issues. It's working really well too.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 9 months ago

Look in the mirror and check out boobies obviously!

[–] [email protected] 12 points 9 months ago

Honestly find how the real Taylor felt about actual issues and her fans as best as possible and then just put it out as a press piece.

No more false figurehead that their conscious only exists as the imaginary paradox of all of their believers. People love to talk on her behalf on how she feels about things and it always seems to agree with them.
I am breaking the swifties and giving a real person to look at and not a mascot.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 9 months ago

Trying to figure out who the fuck I am.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 9 months ago

Transfer all wealth and assets to socialist causes, liquidize what I can and have. Have a stiff drink. Record a video where I declare myself loyal to the anticapitalist cause and the steps I took so far. All houses are now open to be ransacked come and get it.

Then I dunno, turn the swifties into a paramilitary organization that will join the struggle against the capitalist class.

That would be a pretty good day.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 9 months ago

Freak out because I only know one of her songs and I'm about to go on stage.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 9 months ago

Presumably im being spooned by that sports man, so Id rip a massive fart on his dick and balls, then go to the dunny.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 9 months ago (4 children)

Well I would go to the loo then brush my teeth and then have a shower.

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] [email protected] 10 points 9 months ago (2 children)

I would give all of my money to my (real) family then kill myself.

Not because I dislike Taylor Swift, she just has the complete opposite life I want. I do not like attention. I am not an extrovert. I despise people.

This is actually kind of a nightmare to think about lol.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 9 months ago

If you woke up as her, with all her wealth, you could disappear. Change your hair, gain some weight, no makeup, and tour around Europe

[–] [email protected] 17 points 9 months ago

With her money, you can do whatever you want. That includes buying an island and employing trigger-happy security to ensure you enjoy your life of solitude.

[–] Socsa 9 points 9 months ago

Has anyone said masterbate furiously yet?

[–] [email protected] 9 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (15 children)

Maybe not the first, but I'd want to make sure her music talent was part of the deal, otherwise its all downhill from here.

load more comments (15 replies)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Run for president. Don't think she'd be a good president, but she may be able to laminate Trump

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago (3 children)

I think we've had enough entertainers as presidents, don't you?

load more comments (3 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago

Give away all but $10m and then just chill on a farm in anonymity on my ones.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago

I'd put a picture of myself on Facebook setting fire to a MAGA hat and give conservatives the stroke they've been winding up for about T Swizzle for the last six weeks.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago

Step up to the guillotine

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago

I'm with the bread lover. Eat bread first, then pee, then get dressed.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago

Transfer $100 mil to my old self's bank account. I don't know if this body swap is permanent.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago

Having an identity crysis.

load more comments
view more: next ›