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‘I don’t date at all now’: one woman’s journey into the darkest corners of the manosphere
(www.theguardian.com)
this post was submitted on 30 Apr 2025
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Any decent man who has spent enough time in locker rooms understands that ~30% of men are shitty people and of those, somewhere around half are probably violent.
Once you have a daughter or put youraself in womens shoes, you realize how terrifying those odds are for women trying to navigate this world.
That just seems... Insane? My experience certainly doesn't reflect this. But I never do averages based on a sample size of one.
My experience certainly does.
I've worked with some really great people. But maybe 1 in 5 or so was a loudmouthed shitbag, and when you called them on being shitty, they either threatened you, or acted like it was all a joke or a big misunderstanding, and you were at fault for being upset, etc. I can't guarantee that the shitty people I've known have harassed women, but the probability seems high.
~30% of people being shitty tracks with voting patterns
I like that this can condemn either side
You aren’t a shitty person so you’re less likely to be around shitty people, just like you’re more likely to be around people roughly your age on a daily basis and not around the elderly despite their sizable population.
1 in 7 people roughly are Chinese, but that doesn’t mean 1 in 7 people I interact with daily are Chinese.
God I hate that you are right. I only have like one male friend because I legit had to distance myself from ao many other male friends who were just horrible people and I couldn't stand to listen to them anymore.
This is 100% correct. I have 4 daughters myself and an amazing wife. I see it almost daily. In the current landscape, it's even harder. My older female family members don't even care. They "got theirs" and could give a shit about women growing up in this world.
I will always defend women, and I patiently wait for the day a woman in my presence gets disrespected by some Chad, Andrew Tate loving motherfucker.
I'm here for all my human sisters, as we should all be equal on this planet. Fuck these men with no morals and no human equality compass. Scared of something they don't understand or what incels tell them to act like. Its madness and makes me sick.
This is why when my daughter announced she was gay, I was absolutely thrilled. She gets to go on this new journey with the part of humanity that 1) can't cause a teen pregnancy and 2) much less abusive
Though, do be careful because there are abusive same-sex relationships and sometimes it's even harder to get away because the people around you are telling you "but women can't be abusers!"
Yeah, look at Facebook when there's news about some 13+ male kid who got raped by a woman. You'll get grown men saying how "lucky" that kid was, and that they wish the same had happened to them at his age.
But hey, other way around it's also often shit like "look at her clothes, she was asking for it, can't be surprised".
OMG I've witnessed so many abusive lesbian relationships. Women can be straight up psychos too, and are often a lot more calculated about it.
Statistically, lesbian relationships are far more likely to be abusive than hetero ones.
https://www.standffov.org/tdvam/abuse-in-lesbian-relationships/
And what's the average duration of a lesbian relationship compared to a hetero one? Because if they're longer, that would partially explain the difference.
Also, lesbian households are financially worse off than straight ones, which are in turn worse off than gay male ones. That's because, even now, men get paid more than women for equivalent work (and be aware that employers sometimes try to obfuscate this by using different job titles for essentially the same jobs).
I didn't want to be the one to say it... But yeah, I've known some downright scary lesbian women.
Me too, there were some in my dojo. Dedicated fighters, hard as nails. It was an honor to train with them.
Not so fun fact: lesbian relationships are statistically far more likely to be abusive than hetero relationships
I can’t be bothered to read the paper, but here are some evergreens that make this result hard to interpret:
Of course we don’t know any of that, but these psychological studies are difficult to conduct because in theory you’d have to account for these effects and in practice that might be impossible. But again, I haven’t bothered to read the whole thing just to prove a point.
Well, you're really just throwing out what-ifs. But you happened to chance on one theory that some researchers think could partially explain the discrepancy:
Being oppressed causes stress, stress causes lack of control. The idea is it's a similar driver to why poorer couples have higher rates of abuse.
That's probably not the SOLE cause, but it's likely a factor.
I think it’s good that you’re trying to back your claims by sources / papers but your response tells me that you’re not trained (yet) in reading papers critically. Those are just some random question that came up from the top of my head and that any scientist would ask if someone were to present the findings of this study at a conference. This kind of rigor, to not blindly accept results but to critically evaluate them and poke holes in the arguments is what makes academia academia. I’m kind of surprised that you throw around papers and then get offended if people don’t blindly accept whatever you say, it’s kind of an interesting appeal to authority fallacy.
The study that statistic comes from is seriously methodologically flawed.
The statistic is that lesbians are more likely to have experienced abuse in previous heterosexual relationships. These are lifetime prevalence rates.
Or might just have reported more vs others, which idk but would be similar to e.g. sexual violence statistics in Scandinavian countries where officially they have much more harassment etc. than other countries, but this is just because women are more encouraged to actually go to the police and report it.
What places do you go? My pool is super chill, I have seen all kind of uplifting moments. Maybe certain gyms have a selection bias? I don't know.
I was thinking high school locker room when I read it. Cause it fit my experience there.
I got beat and blooded multiple times in highschool locker rooms. I'd estimate a lot higher than 30% of people are the issue.
I played hockey in high school and that was my experience too. Insanely toxic attitudes towards women. Yet we elevate these assholes because at least in the US we still value athletics in men more than anything else.
Oh, I guess different school systems, so that didn't even come to mind to me. At least in my country high school is from 15 to 19, I think lots of people thankfully mature and change after teenage years.
Same ages in the US. But not much maturing in HS.