Am I the Asshole?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/WillingFeature1007 on 2025-02-21 08:51:20.

I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 5 years now. Things haven't been great for a while. At face value things aren't bad, we still go on dates occasionally, we go on holidays and we enjoy each others company etc but it's more like we're roommates or just good friends than actually in a relationship. I've tried to approach this with her multiple times but she dismisses my concerns each time.

I realised I'm just not happy in the relationship so I sat her down at the weekend and told her I think we should break up. We live together and are both on the lease in our apartment.

She got annoyed at this and again tried to dismiss the concerns I had and tried to claim everything was fine in the relationship. I just repeated what I had already said and said we should break up.

She asked when I'd be moving out. I told her I wouldn't be. We have 8 months left on the lease and the clause to break it is 6 months rent upfront which we don't have. I told her I currently have nowhere to go and would not be paying rent on two apartments when I don't need to.

I said I would look for apartments and if I find something in the future I'd move if she took me off the lease but she said it's not fair and that I should still be paying my half of the rent. I'm down as the lead tenant on the lease and half of the rent comes out of my bank account so it's not like I could just move out and not pay my half.

I said I'm not going to kick her out since it's her home too and that I'm happy to have the spare room if she doesn't want to move out but I just said I wouldn't be moving out.

She accused me of being unreasonable and said she shouldn't be expected to still live together. I said she's free to move out if she wants but that she can't force me out of my home. I said once the lease is up either one of us will go on the lease on their own or we'll both leave and find somewhere else to live.

She just repeated that I was being unreasonable and should be leaving the apartment.

AITA for refusing to move out of my home?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/DarthKnuckles on 2025-02-21 08:21:29.

I started looking after my team by accident. Was meant to be a part of the team, but our manager just handed me responsibility and told me to sort it. The team were inexperienced with the more complex matters, but had some heart. Unfortunately they were not prepared for the job. We work in government related complaints, and they thought it would be an easy email response and if they got angry, pass on to another agency. I tried to set thing up differently to better the customer experience.

Two years in, the team say they know why things work the way they do, essentially let’s educate rather than punish. But, they are stuck old training and want to punish as people are non compliant.

I recently managed to secure a senior position in my team to relieve some of the workload. I have been working both jobs (manager and senior) and have been struggling to cope. Everyone in the team applied for the senior role, but I found someone external who was much more experienced.

I had individual meetings advising they had not been successful and why. Essentially they were not experienced enough and were underperforming in some areas. This did not go down well. This team have been around for 10 years plus, and I am a relative newcomer with a new vision. My new recruit is also someone I have worked with previously and know their work well, so to the team, this looks like favouritism.

I have said they being here a while is not guaranteed progression, and I want to see something to inspire and change things. But, my team have been pretty outspoken advising I am cruel for not choosing someone experienced and well versed in the current system. My argument is the system is crap and needs to change. Am I on the wrong track and being an arsehole to the existing staff?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/bingsoooooo on 2025-02-21 07:43:57.

I (20F) have recently fell in love with traveling after going to Japan with my best friend. I am a big people watcher, and that, along with immersing myself within a foreign culture, made me feel happiness that I haven't felt in a while.

Unfortunately, due to the brevity of the trip, we only stayed in Tokyo, so I told her we should come back to explore other parts that we weren't able to.

I won't bore you with the details, but plans changed and now we're going to Korea instead with another good friend tagging along. I offered to pay for my best friend's ticket because we would be going around the time of her birthday and gift giving is definitely my love language so I didn't really fuss about it... but today she texted me asking if the tickets were refundable. I said no. She asked if we could change the dates. I asked why. She told me she couldn't go because her sister's wedding falls within the date of the trip. She told me this the day after I bought the tickets. I bought the tickets yesterday...

According to her, her sister didn't tell her the exact date of the wedding. All 3 of us just met up yesterday to buy the plane tickets as well as the a Airbnb, and I asked a million times, "Are these dates okay with you guys?" They both said that those dates were good. Both the flight and the airbnb have been finalized. (So not only will we have to change dates of the flight, but our Airbnb as well.) I payed for the flights for all 3 of us, and the other friend payed for the Airbnb. That friend has to pay back the difference of the plane ticket minus the cost of the Airbnb. My best friend's plane ticket is covered by me but she still has to pay back our friend for her share of the Airbnb.

I'm extremely frustrated because I 100% know her sister's wedding is more important and in no way shape or form am I asking her to choose the trip over such an important event, but if she doesn't end up going, am I supposed to be okay with wasting $800 because it was a birthday gift? I haven't responded to her yet because I'm still waiting to see how much it would be to change the dates, but if she ends up not going, should I ask her to pay me back? I'm genuinely in the biggest turmoil right now, and it doesn't help that I've been going through a severe depressive episode for the past couple of months. I'm so angry and disappointed and sad but I don't want to take it out on her. Please someone tell me what to do:/

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Natural-Account-1733 on 2025-02-21 04:39:18.

I moved in with my girlfriend of 2 years and we’ve been living together for about a year now. The first year was good but it was very honeymoon phase of seeing each other a couple times a week for date nights and things like that. Fast forward to year 2 and living together and I’m losing my mind at the utter laziness & uselessness of my girlfriend.

My girlfriend practically brags about never having more than a 1/4 tank of gas which At first I thought it was what ever. In 1 year I’ve had to bring a gas can to her FOUR TIMES because she ran out of gas. She recently ran out of oil in her car which pretty much ruined her car after I told her for almost 3 weeks she NEEDS an oil change. She constantly snoozes her alarm and gets reprimanded at work. One time I was out of town on work and she calls me to tell me I need to call the cat sitter that I had to find for her cat because she is going on an impromptu cruise with her friend.

She will complain that we don’t have plans and expects me to coordinate everything about our life. Whether it is travel, food, cleaning, bills, plans with friends, holidays it doesn’t matter. If I don’t do laundry it will sit there for weeks, if I don’t do dishes they’ll sit there for weeks.

I could list 1000 other things but after the oil change situation I finally lost my top. Not only does she do all of these things she says stuff like “this only happens to me” and sulks about how hard her life is and how all these very regular parts of being an adult are so overwhelming which is why she needs me to do it. I finally blew my top after trying to be gentile with her for months. I told her to grow tf up and get used to it. Stop putting herself in overwhelming situations and take some fucking responsibility for the consequences of her actions. We’ve been fighting ever since and I just don’t have the patience anymore so I’m becoming more and more condescending sometimes on purpose some times subconsciously.

AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Material-Rip6560 on 2025-02-21 04:35:13.

I just had an emotionally charged argument with my mom when I told her I think she and my dad don't put enough effort into getting to know my sister's bf. My sister and her bf have been dating for three years. I've heard my mom say she wishes he was more open/talked more before but brushed it off until recently. When we have dinner together (not often), it's quiet and awkward. My parents are shy, especially my mom.

Now onto the argument. First, what happened, then my interpretation, then her reaction. While talking, she said she wished my sister’s bf was more hand gesture of move closer. I interpreted this as her wishing they had a better bond. She later said she meant she wished he was more talkative.

I told her I didn’t think she and my dad put in enough effort and gave an example of an awkward dinner where I had to intervene. She got very upset, saying they had tried and had discussed this before. I had struck a nerve without knowing. The argument escalated, with her defending herself, saying why was it up to them to talk to him? I said that if she wanted a stronger connection, she should put in effort. She took this as me saying she "didn't gaf enough to try." I reiterated that wasn’t my point.

It got to a point where she started crying, which caught me off guard. She later said she was hurt because she felt I viewed her negatively—“You should know me, how could you think I dgaf?” I apologized multiple times but also said that trying and needing to put in more effort weren’t mutually exclusive. This did not go well. At this point, I should have dropped it, but I was irritated that (1) this discussion had blown up so much and (2) she was making herself a victim when I wasn’t being outright mean. Harsh? Maybe. But not mean.

After nearly an hour of arguing, she still wouldn’t let it go unless I took back my statement. She kept twisting my words into “aha!” moments instead of listening. In my POV, I hit an insecurity, and she was seeking reassurance in the wrong way—by debating me.

So, AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/AccomplishedPen1871 on 2025-02-21 04:06:20.

I (40F) hired a carpenter (39M) to replace a basement window and install trims on all the windows in my rental property for a total of $740(I pay for the window). On 2/10, he requested a $350 deposit, which I paid promptly, and he assured me he would start on 2/11. As I also want the entire place painted, I asked him if he could do it and for how much. He claimed to have 10+ years of experience painting. After that, he started suggesting other repairs—replacing the flooring, caulking the bathroom, patching holes, and even painting the bathtub with enamel. He offered to do all of this for $850, provided I bought the flooring.He requested a $650 deposit, which I paid. On 2/11, he did no work because, his wife called, and he needed to go home. I reminded him that we had families scheduled to view on 2/15 and asked if he could meet the deadline. He assured me he would. By 2/13, very little had been done—only the living room and kitchen were supposedly painted, but they already looked fine before, so I couldn’t even tell if they had been repainted. Meanwhile, wallpaper had been peeled off and left scattered on the floor. On 2/14 at 9PM, he texted that he couldn’t finish everything on time because he had prioritized snowblowing for other customers over our project. He promised to show up at 6AM the next day to clean, mop the place, and install the basement window. He also said he would bring a helper but assured me that he would cover the extra cost. At 7AM on 2/15, I called him since I was at the house. He said he overslept but would head over immediately. Then, at 7:26AM, his wife texted me, saying he had fainted and needed to go to the hospital. He never showed up that day or the next.

We gave him another deadline—2/20—and he promised he would finish by then. But on 2/17, he was still absent, so we asked for our $1K back so we could hire someone else. He reassured us he’d be done by 2/20. On 2/18, he told us that he had been evicted and had no money so asked us to buy $340 worth of materials and deduct it from the balance. We agreed just to keep things moving. However, when we arrived at 2:30PM, he still wasn’t there. By 2/19, we reminded him again about the deadline. He said he would finish "a majority" of the work that evening. When I checked on 2/20 at 2PM, the window trims weren’t installed, the floors weren’t done, and nothing else had progressed aside from the painting. He then claimed that his wife had gone through a traumatic experience 2 months ago, and he couldn't leave her alone due to her anxiety. While I sympathize, he never told us this before and had consistently given other excuses. Tonight (2/20, 8 PM), he called my husband (41M) and said we needed to pay him $130 now for paint because his estimate wasn’t enough. He said it was his grocery money. I told him I had no problem covering the $130, but I wanted him to provide the receipt and that I would only pay him once all the work was fully completed. So, AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/No-Square-1981 on 2025-02-21 03:59:04.

Last night around 11:30pm, after I had already been asleep for about two hours with our two old daughter (I work in the morning, she doesn’t) my wife called me repeatedly on my cell until I picked up. She said it was an emergency and she needed me to come downstairs.

When I got down there she was lying in bed and said she felt “really bad” like she was going to throw up and that she couldn’t fall asleep. I asked what the emergency was and she said “I just told you”. I was like, “babe feeling like you’re going to throw up and not being able to fall asleep are not emergencies, do you need to go to urgent care?” She said she didn’t know, but that she felt like she had a fever so maybe. I went and got the very expensive accurate thermometer I got us and it said 98.8°F. I said okay you don’t have a fever and she then proceeded to argue with me about how that actually is a fever for her since her normal temp is around 97.7°F. I told her she should take some Tylenol, and she explained that she didn’t think she should because she might throw it up. I suggested she could take a muscle relaxer to help relax her body to fall asleep, and she said she was worried she’d throw it up or that it would make her feel bad the next day.

At this point I was like, “okay babe, those are my ideas, what would you like me to do?” and she launched into a tirade about how partners are supposed to support one another and she just needs my emotional support because she feels like she’s never going to be able to fall asleep. I tried reassuring her that she would eventually, she argued she might not. I asked if she had ever not fallen asleep at some point when she wanted to go to sleep (like not when trying to stay up all night) and she said no, so I said, “okay well then it seems highly unlikely that you’re not going to ever fall asleep if that’s never happened, so why don’t you just lie here and read or watch videos until you feel sleepy and just know that it’ll happen eventually. It’s going to be okay, you’re not in danger and this is not the kind of sickness that requires medical attention or that you need to be scared of.” She really didn’t like that, and after a little bit more back and forth I told her I was going back to bed and to please only call me or come get me if it’s a real emergency because I have to work in the morning and get our kid ready and off to school; she said “you suck!”

This morning at 7 she is sleeping soundly and I am letting her sleep in while I get our daughter ready for school and take her there on my way to work. Am I a dick for not being endlessly available to my wife in the night for emotional support because she doesn’t feel well? I see now that had I had more sense about me (I was basically halfway asleep for our conversation) I would have just said “it’s going to be okay” earlier in the situation, but what else could I have done differently that would have been less shitty if you guys think it was shitty what I did do?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Dansiman on 2025-02-21 03:33:27.

Context: I work from home two days per week; today is one of those days. My wife's workday ends at 4:00, mine ends at 5:30.

Today, when my wife got home (about 4:15), she called me downstairs pretty much as soon as she came in the front door, to tell me that she's left her car running and would I please take it over to Discount Tire (DT) because one of the tires is low. (For those not aware, DT provides complementary inflation and (non-sidewall) tire repairs.) Without complaint, I agree because it's only a 5-minute drive each way, so I can just take a quick 15-minute break from work. I drive her car down there, and the guy tops up 3 tires, but on the 4th his machine won't dispense any air. I see him check it with a manual pressure gauge and then he comes up to the window and tells me that the tire is under 15 PSI, so he can't inflate it, but he says they're not very busy right now, they could repair the tire after only about a half-hour wait. I let him know that I need to get back to work, is there any way he can add even a little bit of air so I can maybe have my wife bring it back and wait? He says no, because it's "basically flat".

I call my wife to let her know this - my intention is to ask her if I drive back home, would she want to drive it back to DT now since the wait is relatively short (when they're busy, it can be a 2+hour wait), or if not I can at least make an appointment while I'm here. But I don't even get that far; she just wants me to stay and wait for it (even though she's already done working for the day). I tell her I really need to get back to work, and she gets very upset. I ask DT Guy what exactly he meant by "basically flat" and he said I'm at 13 PSI. I confirm with him that this means I'm not at immediate risk of the rim tearing up the inside of the tire if I drive it back home right now, so I tell my wife that I'm coming back and I'll be there in 5 minutes. As I'm driving home I get a couple of texts, including "I'll just have you drive me to work tomorrow and my car can sit in the f***ing driveway for all I care", but of course I don't read them until I get home.

I go inside to make another attempt to explain the specifics of the situation (I haven't even been able to tell her that it's not actually flat flat, yet), but she refuses to listen to a word of it, telling me she isn't going to listen to anything I have to say for the next week, and that I've "ruined everything".

I don't recall every word exchanged, but I know I did tell her that she was acting like a child, and in the end saying "Fine, I'll go back there and I'll just have to work until 8pm tonight!" to which she responded with "Good, I don't want to see you!"

I did go back to DT, and started composing this post while waiting.

AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Skelotonyoga on 2025-02-21 03:06:52.

I work as a waitress at a family-owned cafe, and there's a situation that's been bothering me for a while. There are two people in particular— a woman who is the daughter of the owner and my former manager from years ago, and her husband, who are just kind of… the worst.

Almost every day since I started, the husband calls in the morning to order food to go before he heads to work. Sometimes, he’ll come in during the afternoon for a second to-go order too. He doesn’t tip and doesn’t pay for the food. He gets it for free, while the rest of us waitstaff have to pay half for our meals. And he’s never worked there.

One day, after I made a large to-go order that took a lot of work, he laughed and said he didn’t have money to tip. After finding $3, he joked, “A 300% tip on a $0 meal isn’t too shabby!” His family laughed, including his sister who works there. It felt insulting, especially since he didn’t pay for the food in the first place. His to-go order was over $40.

Recently, he and his wife have been coming in regularly for lunch. For the past two weeks, they’ve been coming in every shift I’ve worked. They sit down at a table (which, in our small cafe with only 6 tables, takes up space that could be used by other well paying customers) and expect to be waited on. My ex-manager used to handle their orders herself when they came in, but now they expect service like regular customers. They sometimes get up to grab their own things too, which makes it harder for me to know how to handle them—should I wait on them like regular customers or should they serve themselves?

They’ve been tipping $5, regardless of the service or the total of their meal, which feels frustrating considering the effort other waitresses put into serving them. And again, they don’t pay.

They’re very religious (which isn’t inherently bad), but the way they preach about being good Christians and good people feels gross to me because it doesn’t match their actions. They treat waitstaff poorly, leaving dirty tables, taking up the small number of tables we have for a long time, and taking away potential customers. And yet they act like they’re kind, genuine people who can’t see how their actions affect us. The wife was a waitress, so she should know how hard it is to make money and how important it is to tip properly.

One incident that bothered me was when the wife took a picture of me at my other job through her car window and texted it to a group chat with her cousin and sister-in-law (who also works at the cafe). She captioned it, “New tattoo?” For context, I have a lot of tattoos, and I’m working with a tattoo shop on the side. It felt invasive and judgmental, especially since I don’t really know her. It made me uncomfortable, and I couldn’t help but feel like she was making fun of me for something personal.

When the cousin or sister-in-law are around, they act surprised when I ask if they can take their table. It’s like they don’t understand how their family coming in messes with our ability to make money. I feel like I’m being made out to be the bad guy because I don’t like them. It’s difficult to explain to others because they just see them as this nice family, but my experience with their actions has been anything but that.

I’ve been struggling with whether my feelings are justified. On the surface, they seem like a nice family, but in reality, they’ve made me feel disrespected and judged. I don’t want to feel like I’m unreasonable, but I also know I don’t like to be treated this way.

The sister-in-law that I work with mentioned recently that the husband “thinks I don’t like him,” which... yeah, he’s right lmao. Some employees who aren’t related to the family agree with me that they’re annoying and judgmental, while the family members think I’m being cold or that I’m the reason for the awkwardness. It’s probably true cause I’m not good at pretending to like someone lol.

They came in today again, and I did my usual thing—being cordial if they spoke to me but not initiating conversation. Watching them with their baby made me feel guilty, like maybe I’m just hating on a nice family for no reason. But technically, they’ve never been outwardly mean. Am I justified in not liking them? I feel like I’m going crazy.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/pianohog on 2025-02-21 02:49:42.

Hi all. I got married to my husband 1 year ago and I am still wondering if I'm an AH...

Before we got married my husband and I talked and agreed that I could keep my current last name. If never occurred to me that I should tell anyone of our decision to not change my last name.

At our wedding the pastor announced us as Mr John and Mrs Jane (fake names for anonymity). No last name was announced. But I guess I did mention to my new SIL that I was keeping my name.... I'm not sure if she told my in laws intentionally to cause conflict or if she actually didn't realize I hadn't told them.

Anyways, once we got back from our honeymoon and finished moving into our new house my husbands parents invited us over. What I thought was going to be a nice first visit as husband and wife quickly turned into a fight. My FIL said he had to have a serious conversation with me, and he began talking about how great and wonderful his last name is and how people will automatically respect me in his community just because I would have the same name as him. I calmly as I could (I was so upset at this point I could hardly talk) told him my reasons for not wanting to change my name. 1) it's complicated and expensive to change id's and such 2) my current last name is unique, I've never met another person outside of family with it 3) my home business and degree were established under my current name.

None of these reasons were good enough for him. He replied well other DIL changed her name and she has the same degree as you and then MIL said it didn't cost her any money to change her name (but that was 40 yrs ago things change). I said I don't feel that I further need to justify my decision to you since you're not listening or understanding my perspective. Now, FIL says I am insulting him by rejecting his name and all his friends are going to suspect something is wrong and that I am making a mistake and that no one will respect me.

I am full on crying as this point and all I could I do was stand and say I am going home. As we are walking out FIL stands up and throws his hands up in a surrendering gesture saying I'm just trying to have a conversation.

I think I could be the AH for 2 reasons here 1) for not publicly announcing my intentions to keep my maiden name and 2) for walking out mid conversation with my new inlaws?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Routine-Status1492 on 2025-02-21 00:09:49.

Random acct because my brother uses Reddit too.

Last year my dad found out that he had another kid, “Mia” (30F) and a granddaughter “Zoe” (7?). Before this, it was me (17M), my brother (20M), and our parents (55M/52F). Apparently he just had a fling with Mia’s mom when he was in college, who ghosted him and never told him about being pregnant.

Since finding out, it’s all my dad talks about. He and Mia texted/called for a couple of months, then she let him meet Zoe (over Zoom), and then last summer, they came to visit us. We live in a big city and they live a couple states over. My brother was at college, but he even drove back for a weekend to meet them too. Everyone was so excited, except me. Like no one acknowledged how weird the whole thing is.

Mia is nice, I guess, but she kept saying how she’s so excited to have a family for her and Zoe (I guess her mom’s not in the picture?) My parents wanted to show them around our city, so anytime I didn’t have school or practice, I was being dragged around doing things for tourists and kids. And that was the thing that got on my nerves the most about that trip- Mia’s kid, Zoe. She was so excited to have a “Nan & Pap” and kept calling me “Uncle OP”. They even came to one of my soccer games that week and she ran up after (in front of my friends) to hug me and tell me that SHE wanted to play soccer now too because “her uncle is the best on the team.”

When they visited over winter break, it was a lot of the same stuff. My parents got them a ton of presents, and Zoe kept asking me questions and asking to play games with her. I also found out that my dad is sending money each month, since Mia’s job doesn’t pay the best. I tried confiding in my brother about it, but he seems totally fine and says it’s making our parents really happy to have more family.

Anyway my dad just told me they’re coming up AGAIN in a couple of weeks and I snapped. I admit that I raised my voice a bit and asked why he cares so much about people he met less than a year ago. Everyone keeps saying Mia and Zoe are family, but they didn’t grow up with us and I literally can’t see them as actual family. I also said she’s probably just using him for the money (which I know was probably a dick move) but he said he’s the one that insisted sending money, and he feels guilty for not being there in her life.

But it still feels so weird so I told him I’m not going to do anything with them while they're here. Now he’s saying that if I can’t be a team player in the family, he’ll have to reconsider taking me on our family vacation this year, which I guess they’re ALSO going on. My mom's on his side, saying Mia had a hard life, so it's natural she's excited to have a family, and that she loves having more girls in the house every once in a while. My friends are the only ones on my side- they said they’d find it weird if random people just showed up one day to be in their family.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Guilty-Computer9105 on 2025-02-20 23:27:10.

I had a medical procedure this morning/afternoon and didn’t arrive home till about 3PM. While I was gone, we had some cleaners come to our home so my wife relocated from her office to my office where the dogs were being kept. This keeps them quiet. The cleaners left at 1PM so the whole house was available for my wife to have her meetings. Let me add that my wife has a local office, but wanted to work from home today. The medical procedure makes me very sick, and I needed my medication, which was in my office. When I got home, my wife was still in my office, even though the cleaners were long gone. She refused to even look at me and I could’ve just walked in, but I think she would have gotten angry. I took 15 minutes to do a few quick chores for my wife, came back and she was still in there. So I stood outside my office and waited. I was there long enough that I decided to just wait in the bedroom. When I came out, my wife was very angry, and sincerely called me the asshole. I explained that the cleaners had been gone for hours, and my wife had the rest of the house to have this meeting. She called me an asshole again like this is my fault. I couldn’t get into my office to get my medications, but I am the bad guy. I feel that my wife has terrible WFH etiquette and because of that makes her abrasive to these types of situations. There is nothing wrong with asking the person you are meeting with for a minute to move. Or honestly just a min. for me to sneak in and grab medication bag. Do you agree with my wife, AITAH?

Thanks for everyone’s response. We had a good conversation. She was in my office because she had an eye appointment this morning and her eyes were dilated. Her offices faces the sun so she moved into my office since she could see better. I asked her if she could tell me those things before she calls me an asshole. I showed her the Reddit post and she and I agree with most of you. Thanks for taking the time to comment!

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/edenflicka on 2025-02-21 01:03:08.

Backstory: we’ve always wanted a Maine Coon. Got one a few years ago that turned out to be a wish.com Maine Coon.

One of our acquaintances runs a Maine Coon cattery and due to lack of genetic diversity needed to rehome their two male cats. We were offered one of the males at an extremely reduced rate, to ensure that he went somewhere where he would a) be treated like a prince and b) be neutered, and not just bred again.

Important context: we have a very skittish, came from a hoarding colony, seized by the council cat. She’s a rescue and our little angel who can do no wrong. She’s also not fond of other cats but tolerates cat #2 who’s affectionately known as the bitchcraft.

We thanked them for thinking of us as suitable and asked if he could come on a few days’ trial to see how the cats’ chemistry would be (1. Feb). Turns out he’s a total himbo and a very submissive cat, so while she isn’t fond of him, she’s also very quickly realised that he’s not going to try and beat her.

We accepted, and thought that was that.

Yesterday, 19/2, we got a message that they would like him back “for a few days”, because one of their girls weren’t pregnant like they thought she was.

We’re super hesitant, as they’ve only just started jelling + he’s scheduled to be neutered this coming Monday.

They then pushed on that they could pick him up in the morning and drop him off at night and that he’d “get the job done”.

We again said that we’re not comfortable with him leaving the house and they asked if they could instead bring the female to our house to breed.

Our girls are scheduled to be out of the house for a few hours this weekend, so we agreed, but now they’re talking about taking him with them.

We’re super uncomfortable with the whole situation since it was stipulated by them to get him neutered ASAP and now they want him back. We’re also worried they’d keep him beyond the “scheduled time” if he doesn’t breed her and then he’d miss his neuter.

They’re being super pushy and now doing some weird “do you know how much these cats sell for?” Spiel.

Our argument is that he’s only just stopped calling for his old household and that our girls would lose their mind if he came back smelling weird again. He’s also just a little baby cat (2) and isn’t titled.

AITA??

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/deenskees on 2025-02-20 23:40:19.

I (25F) recently attended a potluck-style work party, and brought punch, which has since caused a problem between myself and another coworker (42F), who we’ll call Sandy. Last week, my boss hosted a party at his house to celebrate the end of the busy season, and a job well done. All of my coworkers and their spouses were invited, and we decided it would work well to do a potluck to offset the cost of feeding everyone (about 35 people, since not everyone who came brought a spouse or significant other). I volunteered to make a punch that I’ve brought to previous work events that everyone said they enjoyed, as well as some fruit to go with it. This was a casual party with alcohol present, but since I have some coworkers who don’t drink, I didn’t add any alcohol to this punch, and figured that if people really wanted some they’d just add it themselves. Fast forward a couple hours, and Sandy is getting even louder and more dramatic than normal, and is stumbling around the party. I didn’t think much of it and figured she brought her own drinks, or was adding some of the hosts alcohol that was put out into something else. She suddenly fell off the chair she was sitting on, and made a big show of saying that it’s because she was so drunk- she then asked me, in front of the rest of our coworkers, what it was that I put in the punch. I was confused, and told her what was in it (just a mix of gingerale, 7up, orange juice, and a can of juice concentrate), and she wanted to know what alcohol I put in it, because she’s been drinking it all night, and is “really feeling it”. I told her that I didn’t put any alcohol in it, and asked if maybe someone else had spiked the punch bowl- nobody said they added anything, and one of my coworkers who doesn’t drink even said that they’d also been drinking the punch all evening, and was still completely sober. I also would like to clarify that I understand how context can matter, like if everyone else was really drunk then that can make even a sober person feel like they’re loaded, but that definitely was not the vibe- Sandy was the only person acting “drunk”. She then got really quiet, and went by herself to the bathroom. The rest of my coworkers and I exchanged some awkward glances, and tried to laugh it off. She left shortly after, and I received an angry text from her about how I shouldn’t have embarrassed her like that, and that now she looks like an “idiot” in front of our bosses, and the rest of our coworkers. She’s been hostile to me at work ever since, and is basically refusing to talk to me. I didn’t think I did anything wrong, and most of my coworkers agree with me, but some say that I should have just let her go on thinking that the punch was alcoholic to save her the embarrassment, and I’m wondering now if I’m in the wrong. AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/LemonNo98 on 2025-02-20 22:13:51.

I (19F) was recently informed of my ex-gf, Ava (21F) passing away. We hid our relationship due to her not feeling ready to come out, and while it wasn't a good relationship for either of us, I still care for her. I confided in a mutual friend about the true nature of our relationship (our friends were under the impression we were just really close friends who had a falling out). He didn't react well to the news, which was surprising to me, as he knew full well I am attracted to women. He went and told some of her friends who already dislike me. They made a group chat and slammed me for 'ruining her reputation' and revealing this information when 'her family is already dealing with a lot.' Should I have just kept quiet? I figured with her passing, it wasn't like anyone could harass her for her identity, and I didn't want to deny our relationship while I was grieving her. AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Bandit_the_kat on 2025-02-20 22:01:52.

So for some context i own a cat named Bandit (i will commonly refer to him as my cat in the story) and i take Bandit on walks and he has a phone number on his harness incase he gets out.

Now here is the story

I was on a walk with my cat and a kid and his mom walked up to us, and the kid asked if he could pet Bandit, I said no as Bandit's claws were rather long and i did not know how he would react, regardless the kid pet him and my cat scratched him, causing a rather deep cut. I apologized but also pointed out that i had earlier said no to the kid petting my cat so it was kind of on him, the kid's dad was rather understanding and said he would contact me so i could tell him what my cat was vaccinated against.

Fast forward 5 days and i get an ANGRY text from the kid's mom who likely got my number from the kid's dad saying that i need to pay the kid's hospital bill since he got an infection from the cut. I asked her to send it over and after looking at it the cause of the infection was not from my cat, but was from the cut remaining untreated/the kid was probably playing in the dirt. I refused to pay for it as the infection was not my cat's fault and the kid touched my cat without permission, then i blocked her.

I do feel lightly bad as on one hand as Bandit scratching the kid led to the infection, but on the other hand it was not Bandit's fault as he was not the root cause of the infection, them not treating it was, plus the kid touched my cat without permission and my cat felt it had to defend himself. Am i the bad guy in this situation?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/throwaway23984632 on 2025-02-20 20:40:48.

My wife (41F) and I(31M) got married in 2022. In 2023, I lost my job, and since then, we’ve struggled a lot to pay the bills. Thankfully, at the end of last year, I got a new job, which has given us a more comfortable life. We’ve been slowly paying off our debts and making plans for an emergency fund, moving to a better place, and buying a car, among other things.

Two weeks ago, my wife spent around half of our only credit card limit on beauty procedures—without telling me. She only told me three days after paying for them because she was terrified that I would get really mad and even consider divorcing her. I was indeed very upset at first, but seeing how anxious and sad she was, and knowing these were procedures she really wanted, I told her it was okay and that we’d figure it out. She also made it clear that she would personally cover the amount she spent.

What makes this situation even more surprising is that my wife has never done anything like this before. We’ve always been very transparent and honest with each other, especially when it comes to finances. So this was completely out of character and caught me off guard.

That said, the expense still left us with a much lower credit limit than we should have for the next few months. Without really thinking, I told her, “Well, then I’m going to buy my PS5 to balance things out.” I’ve been wanting one for years and saving up for it, and where I live, its price is pretty similar to what she spent. She agreed without hesitation.

But now I’m second-guessing myself. If I go through with the purchase, would I be the asshole?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Key_War1090 on 2025-02-20 19:57:01.

My daughter, “Annie” (20) has a friend, “Ophelia” (20). Ophelia has a complicated relationship with her parents. As I’ve known her family for 6 years, I’ve heard both sides. Her mom has admitted they were not always the best parents. I also know that Ophelia was not an easy child, which both Ophelia and her parents admit they (her parents) allowed to go on out of guilt due to the mistakes they made and Ophelia took advantage of that. She brought out some less than desirable behaviors in Annie at certain points and I’d have to remind my daughter that she isn’t her friend and that behavior won’t be tolerated in our home.

Annie still lives at home with me and her dad while she goes to college. Ophelia left home at 18 and moved to a city about an hour away. However, every Wednesday, she takes a train back to our city, has dinner with her parents and then links up with Annie for a bit before heading back to her apartment.

Yesterday, I got a call from Ophelia’s mom, panicked. Ophelia didn’t get off the train she was supposed to be on, wasn’t answering her cell phone, and didn’t get off any other trains that followed. I went to Annie’s room and asked if she had heard from Ophelia. She asked why and I explained the situation. Annie asked me to leave the room, phoned Ophelia, and when she hung up told me that she wasn’t giving me any information. I told her that her mom is worried sick. Annie said it’s none of Ophelia’s mom’s business where she is and she’s not going to tell me. I told her that Ophelia could be in trouble. Annie said she’s not, she’s an adult. I told her I was very disappointed in her and left the room. I told Ophelia’s mom that I don’t know the whole story but it seems like Ophelia is safe, which calmed her down some.

Later on, Annie told me that Ophelia said that her mom knew she wasn’t coming home this week. I said that Ophelia’s mom wouldn’t be in such a tizzy if that were true, and pointed out that Ophelia’s lied in the past. Annie told me I was ridiculous and put her in a tough spot. I told her when she’s a mom, she’ll understand.

My husband thinks I overstepped and shouldn’t have gotten involved. I said I’d be scared if one of our kids just didn’t come home one night. AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Admirable-Emotion77 on 2025-02-20 18:54:48.

I (20f) had a friend (19f) that was apart of our friend-group four of us since freshman year of high school.

The one friend we'll call her Cindy; during our senior year she met a guy we'll call him Josh (then 20 now 22); we all knew he was a creep right away (for example, he wouldn't let her hang out with us or any other friends unless he could come too, and she felt sorry for him because he didn't have any), but he would compulsively check us all out, be hyperactive like a young child, something was seriously mentally off with him but she was in love and refused to leave him.

We told her we didn't want him hanging out with us anymore because he made us uncomfortable so she stopped hanging out with us, she wasn't "allowed" unless he could come too. She only did a few times when he went on a trip with his family (that was her "loophole" I guess).

She went to college about 3 hours away, I go to local community college, one works for her family business and other friend went to cosmetology school nearby. So we all stayed in town.

She finally "saw the light" and broke up with him, he doesn't have a driver's license (she would come home every weekend to see him) so she's safe three hours away he can't get to her, all she has to do is block him or change her number and block on social media. Were stuck here in same town with him, he was harassing her all she had to do was block him so he started harassing us to try and get her to talk to him.

We just ignored him but he literally showed up at the cosmetology school of my one friend (her former friend) because we were ignoring his messages, he wanted her to talk to Cindy on his behalf and encourage her to take him back.

I got in contact with Cindy told her what happened and was said she needs to deal with this; she brought this miscreant into our lives and needs to fix this. She said she "cannot and will not be held responsible for his actions, and will not speak to him under and circumstances and what he did wasn't her fault, but we have her blessing to block him or contact the authorities or do what we gotta do."

It's not so simple; police are useless where we are they don't care about anything plus the one friend who works for family business her family are undocumented immigrants so were afraid something could happen to her family if we contact the police.

AITA for expecting Cindy to deal with him?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/PurplePercentage8386 on 2025-02-20 18:15:48.

My younger sister recently got her driver's license and has been asking to borrow my car frequently. I let them use it a couple of times, but each time she brings it back , there’s barely and fuel in it (fuel is getting really expensive for me) and once even with a small scratch. I tried talking to her about it but she didn't really take it seriously.

Last weekend, she asked to borrow it again for a road trip with her friends. I refused, explaining that I needed the car and that I wasn't comfortable lending it to her for such a long trip and incase anything happened to it , especially given her track record. She got really upset and mad and accused me of not trusting her and being overly protective of my car.

She hasn’t talked to me since , and my parents are saying I should be more supportive. I feel like she should get a job and save up for a car just like I did , but do you think I’m being too strict ?

EDIT : Thanks guys . Things have been very awkward and tense , like no one is really speaking 😬😬

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Impossible_Date_39 on 2025-02-20 17:55:56.

So my family just moved into a rental house for a few months after our house got flooded by a hurricane, anyways this house has 2 bathrooms and 2 showers, i have my own bathroom in my bedroom because i made a deal with my brother (14m) that he gets first pick of room in our permeant house if I got this room for ONLY 2 MONTHS(!!!) we both thought this was a totally fair deal, however shortly after moving in, the other shower broke making the one in my room the only available shower, I told my family they can absolutely use the shower until theirs is fixed however, please dont use it early in the morning because i am a extremely light sleeper and dont get enough as is, my brother had an issue with this seeing as he likes to get up early and shower for school. I told him to please dont do this because he gets up over an hour before me and i already only get about 4 hours of sleep a night. My brother threw at fit and got my parents involved, they took his side and said i was being selfish and mean. I honestly dont think i am, but im not sure so yall AITA?

Also I would like to point out this by early in the morning I mean 5 am, i did offer to switch rooms, he said no because he wants the video game desk, ive tried making deals he wont take any of them i told him he can use it LITERALLY ANY TIME FROM 6:30 am - 1 am but please not in between that.

EDIT: also i forgot to mention that he comes in and BLASTS HIS MUSIC at 5 am, ive talked to him about turning down the music and he told me to suck it up

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Mossy_333 on 2025-02-20 17:38:32.

So I [22 F] have this one roommate [20 F] that I've kinda always had issues with, her and I don't click and I don't mind that because it happens. But a last night I kinda got after her because I got tired of her treating my cat like she's hers.

I'm not sure if it's important but my cat is my ESA and I don't care that much if my roommates play with her she's still 5 months and needs quite a bit of play time. I had set some ground rules though. She's in my room so I told my roommates that I don't care if they take her out just message me or let me know. The other rule is that if they take her out they have to leave the door open so she can get to her litter box, food/water, etc. My room is also her space to go when she feels overwhelmed too.

This one roommate thought has taken her up to her room and closed the door to her room and my room a couple times and doesn't tell me. So everytime I'm searching for her freaking out a little that she got out. I've told this roommate a couple times to let me know and keep the doors open. She also will have friends over and introduce the cat as "this is my sweet girl!" even if I'm sitting there. Anyway last night I had gotten fed up with it because at 1 am I wanted to go to bed and I couldn't find my cat anywhere so I started shaking the treat box. I could hear jingling upstairs so I looked up the stairs and I watch this roommate CHUCK my cat out her door.

So I marched up there and confronted her, I did raise my voice a bit but Im pretty fed up with her. Now she's been calling me petty and childish, telling the other roommates I won't let her see my cat because I hate her (not true I didn't say she couldn't see the cat i just told her she needs to listen to the rules and stop treating my cat like it's hers). She's also been avoiding me telling the other roommates I screamed at her for no reason and that she's worried about continuing to live with me if I can't control my emotions around her. This situation isn't the only thing she's done but I'm wondering if ITA and if I should've handled it differently.

EDIT:

I've gotten quite a few comments about her being locked in my room and I think this is the best way to clarify: she isn't locked away in my room all day. Just when no one is home. We (my vet including) believe she has pica. Which is were she regularly consumes non-food material. I've been working with my vet with this. My room is the only place I can guarantee that she can't get something. So when no one is home she's in my room, which she's only in for a couple hours a day because my other two roommates let her out if I'm not home and they are . And I have a ton of toys and climbable things in there. I also take her on walks when the weather is nice to help with being locked up. I do not like leaving her in my room but it is for her safety. Similar to crating a dog. Sorry for any confusion this has caused

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Radio_show_22 on 2025-02-20 17:33:58.

My sister in law recently started dating my other sister in law's ex husband (aka her ex brother in law). My husband's family are planning a trip and SIL and her boyfriend will be going. I don't' want to go, because I feel like the relationship is weird and not okay. The SIL who's ex husband is now dating the sister, won't be going for obvious reasons. The relationship makes my husband uncomfortable as well, but he wants to go because it's still his family. AITA for staying home and making my husband go by himself?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Altruistic-Treat-169 on 2025-02-20 16:37:53.

My sister is in a sexless marriage. Husband has ED, is morbidly obese, and just cannot satisfy her needs. He’s a nice guy, and has PTSD due to fighting in a war, and is at times very depressed. He also cannot hold a job, and she always works at least 2 jobs to support them. He does get a disability, but is allowed to work because it’s not enough to even support himself.

Sister decided to start dating married men on a site that matches up married people who just want sex. She is actively “dating” 5 guys, but thinks she’s in love with several. A couple have offered to leave their spouses for her. One says he has a wife who is dying, and intimates that they will be together when wife passes.

I have told sister that these guys are cheaters and liars, and she probably shouldn’t believe a word they say. In the meantime, she openly texts them and sends nudes to these guys. Often her husband takes the pics, being told that she is making a sexy photo album for him.

He seems oblivious as he’s pretty self absorbed and focuses on his problems, hobbies, etc. He’s a bit of a buffoon, but doesn’t deserve the disrespect.

Several months ago I told sister that I don’t want to talk about her sexual conquests. I don’t want to be used as an alibi for her cheating. I think that bad karma is coming her way if she continues down this path.

Also, I consider her husband a brother and trusted friend. I don’t think he’s a good husband, but he’s a good person, and she should just ask for an open marriage or be honest with him about what’s going on, or divorce him.

She says she doesn’t tell him due to his fragile mental health, but I think she’s hedging her bets. This has been a pattern with her throughout life. She cheats until she gets a new guaranteed relationship, and then leaves the old one. Also, she has zero problem sleeping with married men.

Husband doesn’t cook or clean, and expects her to provide dinner and other meals for him, or he just won’t eat. He’s spoiled, and she set the tone of that relationship early on. That’s been their dynamic since the beginning.

I do understand her frustration, but I cannot support the cheating and what she is doing to the other wives. If one is dying, I think it’s evil to be hooking up with her husband.

Sister says I need to be a nonjudgmental friend to her, and support her while she figures out her life. I told her that it’s too triggering for me to watch her texting other men, and no matter the situation, she continues to feed me play by plays of her escapades.

She says I’m just jealous of all of the attention she gets. I am not jealous. I’m disgusted and feel guilty and burdened. I won’t tell her husband for fear of what he might do to himself, he has a history of threatening self harm.

I know that in these situations, the truth ALWAYS comes out. I’ve just taken a step back from our relationship, and I don’t call or text her anymore. We have always been so close, but I just can’t be a part of this.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/FinalDestinationxoxo on 2025-02-20 16:52:27.

AITA for kicking my sister’s boyfriend out because he wasn’t contributing?

I lived with my sister for years, and at some point, she invited her boyfriend to move in with us because he didn’t have enough money for a place of his own. She saw it as normal since we had the resources, but I wasn’t comfortable with the situation.

Over time, problems started arising, and I felt like this arrangement wasn’t working. He wasn’t contributing financially, and I felt it wasn’t fair for me to keep supporting him indirectly. So, after a lot of arguments, I made the decision to ask him to leave.

However, my sister kept insisting on bringing him back. Even after he moved out and found a job, he still didn’t rent a place of his own. Instead, they kept bouncing between different places until she got tired and tried to convince me to let him move back in again.

Now, they’re planning to get married in three months, but he still hasn’t secured his own place. I can’t help but feel like he’s waiting for her to rent a home so they can split the cost—or that he expects her to support him the way she did before.

I made my decision a year ago because I wanted to set a boundary and push him to be more independent. But seeing how things have played out, I’m questioning the decision I made .

AITA for kicking him out?