Am I the Asshole?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Holiday-Mastodon3092 on 2025-06-30 17:50:36.

As I said, I’m an only child whose parents have always had problems with boundaries. I am now almost 60 and they are making estate plans. Instead of just making their plans they are insisting on having meetings with us so that I can explain to them how I will make sure my oldest child, who needs help, will be provided for. They feel they should have a say in the provisions I make for my child. My husband and I have been together for 30 years. Our children, all adults, are thriving. My husband and I have had many discussions between ourselves, and with our children about establishing a trust so that everyone is protected from scams/aging/and my one child’s vulnerability. However my parents have insisted that they should have a say in what happens to my child 30 years from now (hopefully) when my husband and I have died. I actually became really offended and said that they were overstepping. They say they should have a say in what happens with their money 30 years after they pass. I am very close to my parents. Especially my mother. AITA for feeling they are overstepping boundaries?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/throwaway_Ticket4954 on 2025-06-30 16:52:08.

I (19F) have been home from college for about a month now. I live at home with my mom, her boyfriend, my two younger sisters (both 15F), and her boyfriend’s two sons (13M and 12M). I didn’t even know his kids were living here permanently until I got back for summer break. I don’t have a problem with them personally, we barely speak. The only thing is food in this house disappears constantly. It’s not that my mom and her boyfriend don’t buy groceries. They do. But no matter how much food is in the house, it’s gone in a day or two. My younger sister and “stepbrothers” I guess, eat all the time. They’ll eat a full breakfast, lunch, and dinner and then still go downstairs constantly throughout the day and night making snacks, extra meals, or just raiding the fridge. Like, I’m not exaggerating, sometimes they make ten different things between meals.

Even with leftovers, I’ll come home and there’s nothing left. I’ve asked my mom about it, and she’ll say she told them to save me some, but they never do. It’s happened so many times that I just gave up. I started putting food aside before I leave the house, but even then, someone would eat it. So now I’ve started just DoorDashing my own food or cooking my own food and keeping it in my mini fridge from college. I stock it with groceries I buy with my own money and just cook for myself when I need to eat. I don’t touch the shared food anymore, and I don’t ask anyone to share mine.

When my mom and her boyfriend are at work, and the fridge is empty and my siblings are hungry because they ate all the food in two days, I don't bat an eye because its not my fault or responsibility. The other day, my mom made a comment about how I “only think about myself” and I should “think about the house as a whole.” My sisters are playing a part in this, but majority of it is on her boyfriend's kids. Before I left for college and they didn't live here, food would last. I told that to my mom and she's like "they're still growing" and "you're just being dramatic because you don't like them living here". That's not the case at all. I get that maybe I'm wrong for door dashing or cooking food while they're hungry, but I’m also tired of being hungry and stressed in my own home. They don't think about me while they're eating my leftovers. AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Brief-Handle-3740 on 2025-06-30 16:18:49.

I (26 M) and my fiancée (28 F) are set to get married within the next year, while we were making our invitations we came across an issue, one of her friends we will call her Emily, has the worst boyfriend in the world. He’s insanely rude, a complete misogynist, and all around deadbeat. In the first year of our relationship Emily would call us all the time complaining about (we will call him Rick) saying that he would stalk her at every bar, and do a bunch of weird shit, and almost like an African wild dog (they hunt by wearing down their prey), eventually I guess he wore her out until they started dating??? ANYWAYS in that time I said A LOT of things about Rick before they went out together, which has even caused that Emily excludes me from all events involving my fiancées friend group, it’s never been confirmed but I’m sure it has to do with my well known hatred of Rick.

Anyways things came to a head when making the invitations, I said that absolutely he’s not coming to our wedding, and that I didn’t care, which then prompted my fiancée to be panicking due to her friend groups dynamic. She told me that if this were to go through it would cause Emily to not come at all which would potentially cause even more drama with her friend group which would lead to potentially to a situation that would ruin the wedding.

For context, everyone hates Rick all her friends do but they don’t tell her that to Emily’s face, Rick was found to have compiled suggestive pictures of some of Emily’s friends in a file in his phone, people gave restraining orders against that man, he humiliates Emily publicly for amusement, and constantly argues with other people in that friend group. He makes women uncomfortable and my entire family is only women, and my 2 daughters.

The last thing I would want is for my fiancée to feel uneasy at her own wedding but I don’t feel comfortable having Rick around.

So Reddit, am I the asshole for not wanting Rick at my wedding?

(Adding detail, her friends aren’t the ones with retraining orders, and yes the explicit pictures were nudes he had collected via a local Reddit thread he made to obtain them from their exes, also African wild dogs hunt by wearing down their prey I had not realized how it looked until someone pointed it out! My bad sincerely!)

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/NotDyselxic on 2025-06-30 15:48:58.

My friend (32M), let's call him John, and I (34M) have been really good friends since were kids.

John's girlfriends are usually immature, don't treat him very well, and never get along with our friend group. Last year, he met his now girlfriend (26W), Amy. She actually seemed really nice and we got along well. She moved in with him about 3 months in the relationship. I was happy for him even though i felt things were going really fast.

6 months into their relationship, John called me one night saying he found out that Amy cheated on him with her ex boyfriend, he was devastated. He also got an std because of the cheating. We talked alot, i was there for him if he needed anything. He decided to breakup with her. She packed her things and left. She was really mad at him for leaving her and threathened to tell on him because he had a cash job and didnt report his employment.

A few weeks after that, he called me and said that Amy was pregnant and he didn't know what to do. The first thing he did was ask for a paternity test, and well, he is the father. He really wanted to build a family with Amy so in the end, he decided to get back with her.

John and i talked alot. He says he doesn't quite forgive her yet but is willing to work on the relationship. He said he wanted to establish rules in order to be able to trust her again but she blames him for her cheating, because he wasn't paying enough attention to her and stuff like that, that he is jealous and doesn't trust her so she isn't accepting these rules. She is acting like John is the one that has to work on himself, and that she has nothing to do. After all of this i really felt she was very immature and generally just not a really good person.

I told John that it's his decision, but i won't pretend she is my friend. I told him that for social events with mutual friends and stuff, i will abstain from attending if she is going to be there. I can't pretend everything is "fine". Maybe later down the line, but not for now and not for a while.

Fast forward to today. My friend is having a baby shower this week. I refused to attend. He is upset that i don't want to attend. I told him that we already talked about this and I made it clear, but he keeps trying to convince me to go. He says it's a special occasion with friends and family to celebrate. Everyone there will be happy about the baby coming and i'd have to be there and pretend. Also, it is at Amy's parent's house, so i would be extremely uncomfortable being there.

One of our friends agreed with me and didn't want to go, but he ended up saying he will to keep the peace.

AITA?

UPDATE : I just want to clear things up a bit, I am supporting my friend. I always make sure to be available for him if he needs to talk or wants to hang out. Me not going to the shower just means i wont be present on that day, but I did reach out and made it clear that i want to show him support in other ways, without having to be around all of Amy's family and friends.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/KAZKALZ on 2025-06-30 15:06:04.

My friend has a maid who recently lost her brother. The maid had to travel five hours away to attend the funeral.

She has always been reliable and has never dropped the ball when it comes to her work.

The plan was for her to be away for five days, but she ended up being away for six.

My friend was angry and annoyed with her maid. I told her it’s not a big deal, she doesn’t know what might have happened that caused the maid to return a day later. She should show some empathy and let it go. After all, it was just one extra day.

I told her she was being a bit unreasonable and making a big deal out of nothing.

She then just hung up the phone when I asked her to explain why she's mad at her maid for the one extra day

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/TheHonPonderStibbons on 2025-06-30 15:05:28.

This seems ridiculous to me, but enough people are carrying on) about, I thought I'd better check. I have ASD, so sometimes my reading is social cues is a bit off.

My children participate in a sport that takes place in a hall, and in the hall are these chairs that were clearly designed to be a uncomfortable as possible. I suspect it's to discourage people from actually staying in the hall to watch things. They're there to show the hall operators have made an effort to provide seating, but cause random back spasms to any who dare sit for longer than three minutes.

A few years ago, a kind family donated a lounge to the hall. It seats 3, and is lovely to sit on. Just the right amount of squish in the cushions, which are kind of fluffy. It's a nice lounge. You can sit on it without contracting arthritis.

For the first year, people jostled to get prime position on the lounge. Epic paper, scissors, rock battles were waged, with the victors sitting in comfort for 45 minutes, while people around them crumpled up, twitched, or spasmed in the horrible chairs.

Eventually, families drifted away as children grew into new interests, and I was the sole survivor of the original lounge wars. So, most days, I sat on the lounge. New families started, but none seemed to want to take advantage of the fluffy comfort on offer. I was the lounge queen.

One day, I arrived later than usual, and THERE WAS SOMEONE ELSE SITTING ON THE LOUNGE! I didn't recognise them, so I figured they must be a new family. I said hello and introduced myself and my child, then went and sat in the horrible chairs.

As everyone left, a small group of outraged parents approached me.

"Why did you let them sit there? You should have told them that's your seat! That's not ok! They stole your seat! They can't get away with this!"

I was confused. I pointed out that there were plenty of other seats, that it was a free lounge, anyone can sit there. I did not have exclusive rights to the lounge.

It turns out, none of the other parents wanted to sit there because they thought I'd be upset or angry about it. They're upset with ME, because I never made it obvious that anyone could sit there. Someone even complained to the coach!

Now, it's become a Thing. Parents are arriving earlier and earlier to bags the lounge, and give me smug looks when I arrive and they're sitting on it. I'm still not upset about it, but apparently that's not the right way to behave. I don't understand what's going on, and the parent I asked about it scoffed and said "as if you don't know." And implied I was doing "it" for attention.

Am I the arsehole? Please tell me what's going on, because this seems really stupid to me!

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/LocoDeDanone on 2025-06-30 14:24:37.

I live with two friends, and we share a single key. Last week they went out on vacation and said they would come back only in mid-July. On friday I also came back to my home town and, with their schedule in mind, brought the key with me so i could make 2 copies for them, and then return to our shared apartment 4 days later, on tuesday. Today's morning, on monday, one of my friends ALREADY on our apartment's footstep call me asking where the key is (we usually leave it at the reception), and i tell him i brought it with me because i was thinking he would return only after 3 weeks, so i would have time to make another 2 copies for them. He told me i shouldn't have done that, "what are we going to do now", I should have left it at the reception, etc. So, AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/FluidGrapefruit1278 on 2025-06-30 13:56:27.

I (31f) have a mother-in-law (55f) who is a kind, soft-spoken baker. Since I got married 4 months ago my MIL has sent me, at least, one cake per month. I'm not overweight right now but I used to be obese and that was hell I don't want to go back to. I already gain 13 pounds since the wedding. My husband (29m) doesn't like sweets. He is thin and he has never been overweight. I tried as gently as I possible could asking my MIL to please stop sending me cake. She seemed okay and I was hoping she was okay. But my brother-in-law (25m) came over to tell me that I broke his mom's heart. He said I should have re-gifted her cakes. Am I the asshole ?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/a7z1_ on 2025-06-30 13:22:44.

So basically I’m an international student studying in the US, but I’ve been back home (in my family home, not vacationing or traveling around) for the summer.

Despite being home, I decided to register for some online summer classes at my university. However, it turned out the university's Canvas site (our learning platform) is blocked in my country by the university's IT department, so I relied on a VPN for a while to submit HW, until I had an exam approaching through Canvas which used lockdown software, which didn't work with VPNs, so I had to find an official solution. Earlier in the week of the exam I worked with my school’s IT department to get my IP address whitelisted so I could access it for the exam I had due on Sunday.

Everything seemed fine. I tested Canvas on Saturday, submitted some HW, it worked perfectly. But on Sunday morning when I sat to take the exam, I found out I got blocked again. Turns out my IP address had changed, which caused me to get blocked again.

To explain: Most internet service provider's including mine assign what’s called a dynamic IP address to home networks, which means the address my connection uses to access the internet automatically changes every few days. I can’t control when or how often it changes, and I had no idea it had changed overnight, or that my school's IT department hadn't foreseen this issue and worked around it. Since my school's Canvas blocks all IPs from my country by default, once it changed, I was locked out again.

I contacted IT right away, but they told me they couldn’t help until Monday, after the exam was due. I emailed my professor explaining the situation and asked for a 1-day extension under the circumstances.

Her response was cold. She said she doesn’t allow extensions unless there are “serious extenuating circumstances,” and that this doesn’t count because I “chose to travel.” She also pointed out that IT is open on weekends and that I had until the end of business hours to resolve the issue with them, despite me clearly stating that they had already told me the issue would have to wait until Monday.

I tried to explain that I’m not on some vacation sipping pina colada's forgetting about the exam until the last second, I’m home with my family, settled, and I had already taken steps earlier in the week to make sure this wouldn’t happen. But she brushed it off and said I’d get a zero if I didn’t resolve it before the deadline.

I got in touch with IT again and they agreed that the professor was being unreasonable and excessively harsh, they decided they'd get in touch with her to explain the situation and get her to understand that these issues are out of my hands and that I made reasonable efforts to avoid any technical issues.

I get that deadlines are important, but I really did everything I could. I tested the system, worked with IT in advance, and just got unlucky with a technical issue I couldn’t predict or control.

So… AITA for asking for a 1-day extension under these circumstances?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/clusterofstars97 on 2025-06-30 07:47:34.

My husband's 29th birthday was last week. Three weeks prior, I told him I planned a lobster buffet for him with our 2-year-old. He was super stoked because he mentioned several times in the past that he'd never had lobster. I told him to tell me if he had something else in mine, but he loved my idea, so I booked the dinner, a $120/€100 reservation, plus similar-priced gifts, totaling about $240/€200 (a significant amount where I'm from).

A week before, his mother texted, requesting an invitation. My husband said absolutely not and said he's tired of constantly footing the bill for his family's celebrations. He usually provides food and gifts for others' birthdays and resents that he's not getting the same treatment for his birthday.

Since the buffet was dinner, I considered inviting his mother to lunch. He's annoyed by his family's expectations but I know he loves his mom very much and that he'd still love to spend his birthday with her.

Crux is his mother also celebrated her birthday earlier in the month. My husband gave her travel money, and I gave her $100/€85 spending money. While away, she requested some additional cash which I happily gave. Since then, I'd been transparent about my husband's birthday expenses, telling her my limited remaining budget so I mentioned that if she wanted to come, she should come alone due to financial constraints. She agreed. The night before, she suddenly said she'd be bringing her mother and my husband's younger brother. I reiterated our budget limitations, but she insisted they wouldn't eat much. I said I literally did not have any money to host more people and my husband was unwilling to pay for them. Bringing 2 additional persons meant compromising our grocery budget for the rest of the week. I eventually conceded but felt very disrespected. I didn't tell my husband but I felt so bad that I confided in my SIL, who then told my older BIL. He ended up lecturing my MIL, then she texted, "Yeah, let's probably just meet next time," and has since ignored me. I now feel terrible.

EDIT: My husband loves his mom and loves spending time with her. He just resents spending for her. I know I was stupid and disrespectful for violating his boundaries but he does not have a bad relationship with her as a lot of people are implying! I am still the AH but my husband doesn't hate his mom!

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/MasterpieceThin6337 on 2025-06-30 05:24:31.

My husband and I live in a farming area and have an <1 year old and a 5yr old German shepherd. Nighbors got 2 golden retriever puppies shortly after they moved in a year or so ago.They didn't really train them and when the dogs would see us they would run over and jump up on us, not listen when being called back, etc. It wasn't unusual to see our neighbors on our porch or in our yard trying to get them.Overall though we didn't really have an issue with it as our dogs would play together.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago, my husband was out with the baby in the driveway and the puppies run over, start getting into the babies face and won't listen when being called to get away. The owner doesn't come over to get them just stands in their yard yelling. Our baby starts crying bc they won't get out of it's face, so my husband grabs the dog by the collar and quickly pulls it away causing the collar to come off(it's the kind of collar where you feed it through the square and the tension holds it, no buckle or belt type closure). He gets the dog back to our neighbors house, goes back and hands them the collar while holding the still crying baby. Our neighbor freaks out and starts yelling at him "what did you do to my dog?" No question about if the baby was ok or what happened.

A few days after we're out back and our neighbor's dad is mowing their lawn(husband is on vacation, wife is home) walks over with and attitude asking why we're mistreating their dog.

We said we've never and he says they have us on their Ring. We repeat that we never have and try to explain what happened the other day. he cuts in "they're not going to hurt the baby" I said "I know that, but my baby doesn't know that!" and he replied "they're just puppies, they don't know better"..."let's keep the dogs in their own yards from now on" We said fine and he walked away.

I sent a text to our neighbor telling him about the interaction with his dad, the accusations and sorry if our dog has ever been a nuisance in their yard(ours will wander over on occasion but comes back when called and listens if we say "stay"or "leave it"). He texts back that no one ever said anything about ab**e and they were upset bc of how forcefully my husband pulled on the collar, they were just puppies and they would never treat our dog that way. Their dogs have come over to our yard a few times since but we just ignore them and go inside while they yell from their yard at the dogs to come back. Yesterday was the first time ours has wandered over and the husband yelled at us from his porch to come get our dog! They've still never asked if our kid was ok, it's been all about their puppy.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Prior_Feature3993 on 2025-06-30 04:10:44.

Background: My (31F) parents live overseas. They visit at least twice a year - one of those times being at Christmas. While here, they stay with me an my husband (M31) and our 3 young kids. We love having them stay.

Today however I got a call from my mum saying their friend ‘George’ (in his mid 20s I think) who is from their church (who they have known for a few years now says he thinks of them as second parents now) wants to visit Canada and stay at our house along with my parents for Christmas. My mum said they’d spoken about him visiting Canada in the past but she imagined this would happen when they had moved back here and had their own place - so always said she liked the idea.

George went to dinner at my parents house yesterday and brought up coming to Canada this Christmas, to stay with them at our house and my mum didn’t have the heart to say no. She asked if this would be okay with us?

My husband and I have never met George and am due to have my 4 baby in a few months and it’s our year to host Christmas for our extended family - so Christmas is already going to be a bit hectic.

I just don’t love the idea of someone I don’t know staying in our house and being around our family and tagging along and joining all our family traditions. Nothing specifically against George - I’m sure he is nice enough if my parents think so.

Space wise - we do have have a study that my husband uses to work from home. However my husband will still need to work some days before / after Christmas and I don’t know what kind of dates George is thinking of staying.

I told my mum while I don’t really want George to stay here but if he gets his own accomodation - he can come for lunch at Christmas with the rest of the extended family. My mum was nice about it but I could tell she was a bit disappointed / sad and mentioned the trip would become a lot more expensive for him so he might not be able to do it. I can tell she felt awkward to have to tell him he can’t stay here.

For context my parents have always been people to open their home when others need it so I feel a bit bad saying no and now making my mum have to pass the message along.

I think most people in my position would have said no but I do feel a bit bad so just wanting to know AITA here? Should I have thought about it more before giving an answer - I don’t think I’d change my mind though.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/kasakavii on 2025-06-30 04:06:48.

I live on a farm, and my livelihood comes from producing foals (baby horses). It takes 11 months for a foal to gestate, and costs thousands of dollars just up until they’re born. I’ve also worked extremely hard to turn my farm into a “nature reserve” of sorts. People travel from out of state to bird watch at my farm due to a number of rare/uncommon species that nest and visit (indigo buntings, American woodcock, to name a few).

Two years ago, I got a new “neighbor”. She’s not directly next to my farm, but lives a little ways down the road. Prior to this we haven’t spoken and don’t know each other, and we also didn’t have any problems. This spring one of my mares aborted her foal, and a necropsy revealed it was due to toxoplasmosis. If you don’t know, that comes from cats and their feces. I thought it was just bad luck, but more recently I’ve noticed a ton of cats on my property. It started off as just one, but now there’s 5-10 hanging out every night. They’re around so often that I’ve almost accidentally run them over pulling down my driveway, cause they’re too busy chasing birds or chipmunks to move out of the way of the truck.

So I started trapping them and taking them to the humane society. Every time I would trap a cat, a few days later it would show up again. I was baffled. Until my neighbor comes banging on my front door screaming at me that I better stop taking her cats to the shelter, and that she’s sick and tired of “paying their bail”. Apparently she put a collar on one of them with an air-tag or something, and it showed up at my place and she followed it and got it out of the trap. She tells me that she can’t afford to keep paying to get them back, and that she loves them and they’re her emotional support animals after her daughter died. I told her that as long as the cats keep turning up on my property, killing the birds and making my horses sick, that I would keep trapping them until she either keeps them inside or runs out of money and can’t get them back. She called me heartless and has now started posting on our town Facebook page that I’m trying to kill her cats.

Some people understand where I’m coming from, and others say I should just try to chase the cats away or put up “cat proof fencing” around my pastures/property instead of “harassing an old woman”.

So, AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Jolly-Draft2960 on 2025-06-30 03:59:30.

My husband and I were out of town this week and left our dog with our roommate (who is also my husband’s best friend of over a decade). We offered to pay him to dog-sit, but he declined and said he was happy to help.

Our dog is well-behaved but a burrower—he often digs into the couch cushions and moves things around when getting comfortable. Our roommate knows this.

One day while we were gone, our roommate pulled the coffee table up close to the couch (something he tends to do) and had his laptop and an open beer on it. While our dog was burrowing, a couch cushion shifted and knocked the beer over, spilling it onto the laptop. The beer wasn’t knocked directly by the dog—just the cushion.

Now the laptop is damaged, and our roommate has asked us to pay for it in full. He says that it “could’ve happened either way,” regardless of the table setup, and that it wouldn’t have spilled if our dog hadn’t been there.

We feel like this was completely preventable. He created a vulnerable situation by putting an open drink next to expensive electronics right where a dog—especially one he knows burrows—was lounging. We weren’t even home. He knew the risks and still chose that setup.

We feel bad that his laptop was damaged, but we don’t think it’s fair for us to pay the full cost when the damage wouldn’t have happened without his choices. He disagrees and feels strongly that we should take full responsibility.

So—AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Maleficent_Slide5021 on 2025-06-26 23:56:52.

I (26f) rent a room in a 3 bedroom house with my boyfriend (30m). Our other roommates are (23f) and (24m). Our male roommate lets call him Mike has lived here for the past 4 years so all the bills are in his name we are all in a group chat and mike will text us the total and have us venmo him.

My boyfriend and I have lived here since Jan and the bills are normally around 100-120 each spilt 4 ways. for electricity, water/sewage, and wifi. This month he was gone for a military training camp for two weeks out of the month he also has a dog and asked our other roommate, Sara, to take care of him. My boyfriend and I didn’t even realize he had left and never said anything about it to us so no big deal.

So… Mike texts the group chat and says the bills are “ridiculously high this month everyone owes 160.20” So we ask to see all the receipts,, meanwhile Mike is complaining about lights being left on or using the washing machine in the middle of the day…yet everyone is arguing about how it can’t be THAT much higher for each person. After a few hours he finally sends screenshot total for all the separate bills which is just the total amount due-not an itemized amount-just zoomed in on the total at the bottom.

Sara added it all up for a total of 548. divide that by 4 and it’s only 137 per person so what the fuck why are you telling us it’s 160 each?

Mike texts back saying “Every year for the last 5 yrs I'm gone for half the month so I take off half the expenses and whoever lives in the house pays that difference since your home using utilities. the difference between the 3 of u is why it's 160.20”

…and you weren’t gonna say anything? Were we just suppose to go along with that and yet he never said anything to us? Sara and my partner and I are all asking each other if we knew this at all or if he said anything. Well apparently when Sara first moved in he mentioned something to her about it, but never brings it up to me or my boyfriend.

So after all saying we need to talk about this in person Mike texted saying that “we can talk about it later just pay the 130 for now” And when Mike gets home that night I hear him and Sara whisper in the kitchen about it and i go in later and he still says nothing to me about it?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Christopher_2025 on 2025-06-26 23:54:18.

I dont like the girl he is dating but I make every effort to gel along with her nicely. She is constantly at our home and it has got to a point where I stay in my room or avoid being at home as I am fed up of their inside jokes and constant kissing, sex in their rooms and cuddling and taking over the living room.

Contact between me and my sibling has reduced greatly and we barely chill out anymore despite always being very good with one another. He doesn't text back, text me or even call me. This week, I needed his help. He stated he couldn't help. Then he later admitted he had been with his girlfriend and thought I had seen them out and about so thought he should tell me.

I have accepted that this stage of life is likely just normal and that our relationship as brothers is likely dismissing but it is still real sad. I have decided to just stop making any attempt at an effort now. That includes tiptoeing around them or being over polite to his girlfriend.

AITA for making this decision after months of trying?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Sparklespanx on 2025-06-26 23:44:54.

I’ve (30s F) lived with my best friend (50s M) for four years. A few years ago, he was unemployed for 9 months and I did my best to pick up the slack around the house financially. Before he lost his job, he was making twice as much as me, if not more.

Last year, I lost my job and was unemployed for four months until I landed something. He was generous enough to defer rent until I had a job and I paid him all but half a month’s rent in the two months at that job before I was let go. I was then unemployed again until April of this year. Before I got this job (which is such a good fit and much better than the one immediately before it), he and I had a frank convo about money and I asked him for some breathing room to catch up on some credit card debt before I started paying rent again. He agreed without coercion. He was fully on board since he was now making twice what I make again. I also promised to pay him back rent.

Here’s where some additional context might be helpful: he’s an alcoholic. He gets drunk 3-4 nights a week, sometimes more. Also important: we live in a HCOL area, but his rent hasn’t gone up in a decade. You can barely find a studio in our city for what he’s been paying for a 3bed/1bath with a garage and a nice backyard.

A few times he’s gotten drunk and gave me a hard time about deferred rent. I told him we could forget the deferment and I’d just start paying now, but he would refuse despite being the one to pick a fight about it. Then he decides he’s going to raise my rent by $200, on top of expecting back pay (tbc, I have 0 issue with back pay.) Well, his drinking has been getting worse and he’s started to get mean. Last night, he stood in our side yard and just revved his chain saw for like 3 min to annoy our neighbor that he got into a dispute with over yard stuff (the dude is a legit AH, tbh but still) and I realized I was just over it and decided to move to PNW.

I spoke to work first and they said it was fine (I wfh full time) and so I told him. Now he’s pissed. Like super pissed. But I can move to a much cheaper city, afford to live on my own, and make greater pains to pay him back more quickly if I move. But I’m kind of feeling guilty because he has been so generous the last year. So AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Character-Sugar-3892 on 2025-06-26 23:32:10.

Hey y'all. I don't really know how this works, I just saw a youtube video about AITA so I figured I'd give it a try about one of my recent issues. Me and my bf (Me 19, him 19 in a couple days) have this ongoing disagreement about how private he is about our relationship. I like to tell people that I have a boyfriend and brag about him to my family and friends. They knew about him when I first liked him (he also met my parents pretty early on) but when I met his parents it was framed as "his friend" which I didn't mind when we were first talking. We have been dating for a couple months now and it was only just recently he actually told them, which I was fine with because he wanted to keep it more private.

However recently I have been feeling a bit insecure after seeing social media videos (I know shocker that social media makes people insecure). My boyfriend has not told his closest friends (they are not like besties but decent friends) that we are dating. I also recently posted photos on my spam instagram of us two. He has never once posted me on anything, which at first I was fine with.

However recently I feel like he may be embarrassed of me. His profile pic is years old and he has nothing in his bio besides his school. I don't expect him to post me every day but his instagram looks completely single. He also again hasn't told his closest friends.

I don't think this is because he wants to appear single or look single because I know he would never cheat. He is a great guy, and been cheated on before so I know he would never. I truly do believe it is because he wants to keep things private. For context he has never posted anything on social media.

But I don't know. I just felt stupid because if you look at my page you can tell we are dating, but his looks like your average single college kid. So I deleted the post. I did not want people being like dang ok she posts him all the time and he clearly wants nothing to do with her lol.

He noticed that I archived the post and he asked me about it and seems sad I deleted it and said I did not have to, and he doesn't mind me posting. however then it just feels like im some obsessed girl if you get what I mean. I think I have hurt his feelings, but mine feel hurt too. I don't want him to post me every day, but even having a highlight of us, or a profile pic, or even a singular story would make me feel better. So AITA for taking it down?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Jeebussaves on 2025-06-26 23:18:49.

So my mom recently died. We all knew she was dying as she was suffering from cancer that was getting worse by the day. Anyway, she had nothing. She lived paycheck to paycheck off of social security and barely survived off of it. Therefore, when she died, I figured there was nothing for me or my brother and I was fine with that. I knew she had a $12,000 life insurance policy that was to pay off her cremation and the small ceremony and burial expenses I guess they’re called?

Anyway that’s all I thought there was. I was way wrong and found out just by happenstance though my aunt that there was a $15,000 IRA which my brother was named the beneficiary for and another $5,000+ in her bank account at her time of death. I was told that my brother was told to split the $15,000 with me and that I wasn’t a beneficiary because I had a stroke several years ago and am not in charge of my own money. So anyway I just found out (months later) after contacting my brother that he spent the money. All of it because he was in the rears on his mortgage and a few other bills.

I was honestly so shocked and upset at the fact that everything had been hidden from me that I wasn’t even mad. I’m still not. I was completely devastated and upset and thought that I had lost my brother. When he explained to me that he needed it I kinda just said ok. I mean, I would have given it to him anyway. Now this is where it comes in that I may be the asshole- I have an 11 month old and we are far from being ok right now, money wise. But I think my mom would literally come back from the dead if I fight with my brother over money. And seriously, I just don’t value money like that. I really don’t give a shit that he took it. I hate money and think it tears people apart and I don’t want it to tear apart my brother and I. Unfortunately everyone else in my extended family thinks I need to go after him and try to get the money for my immediate family. They think I’m doing a disservice to my immediate family by doing nothing. So Reddit am I the asshole if I do nothing?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/BakingWaking on 2025-06-26 23:16:05.

This happened earlier today. I was waiting for the elevator in my office building. The doors opened, no one was directly in front of me, so I stepped in. A woman and an elderly couple were just behind me, but I hadn’t seen or heard them until after I got on.

As soon as I stepped in, the woman complained out loud that I didn’t let her on first. I was caught off guard, but I apologized and said there was plenty of room for everyone, so it wasn’t a big deal. I wasn’t trying to cut anyone off; I genuinely didn’t notice anyone behind me.

She got on with the couple but kept going, saying how rude I was, how I had no manners, how people like me are what’s wrong these days, stuff like that. This went on for at least a minute, maybe more, and eventually I snapped a bit. I raised my voice and said Could you just keep your comments to yourself.

She went quiet, but the old couple sort of whispered something to her and gave me a look. Now I’m wondering if I just confirmed whatever idea they had about me, like maybe I actually was the jerk here.

I honestly didn’t mean to offend anyone. I just wanted to ride the elevator in peace.

So, AITA for finally telling her to be quiet?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Asleep-Trifle-8645 on 2025-06-26 23:14:30.

I (28F) am over 3 months along, and I'm worried if I tell my sister (21F) that shes going to try to get pregnant too... again.

Two years ago I had my first pregnancy. I announced it to my family at dinner and everyone was very happy and supportive of me. Ive been with my bf (34M) for 5 years now and it seemed like everything was falling into place for our midwest life. But my sister is a narcissist, and saw how happy and excited everyone was for me and decided she wanted that for herself. She made it her mission to also get pregnant, while in college, with no job or place of her own. She got pregnant within the next 2 months while at school and expected everyone to also be excited. Obviously she got a different reaction and was really mad at everyone for not just accepting her irresponsible choice. She ended up dropping out.

Fast foward to my emergency c-section where we fought to keep my baby alive in the NICU, only to pass away at 9 days. I don't want to get into the details of it, but obviously it was traumatic. And my sisters world completely changed from thinking we would be raising kids together. Her baby was born on time and healthy. And I hate to say but shes a terrible mother. She doesnt prioritize her child at all, doesn't even capture milestones or spend quality time with him, just dumps him on a family member for a few days so she can go out. To each their own but its extremely infuriating, considering how motherhood was ripped away from me and she doesnt have a maternal bone in her body.

Now 2 years later, shes still in the same spot. No job, living with her mom, doesnt prioritize her child and didnt go back to school. He isnt speaking words and just grunting and is developmentally delayed. I see this and it makes me realize she didnt really want a kid, she just wanted that unconditional support from our family that they showed me. So now that im pregnant again, I really dont want to tell her. And my family has agreed with me not to tell her. I'm worried shes going to see that as an opportunity to get pregnant again because shes obsessed with attention whether its negative or positive, and can't stand the spotlight on me. But i feel bad the further along I get, and the more people I tell, shes going to be extremely upset when she finds out. And if you know narcissistic rage, then you understand. I figured maybe I'd tell her this weekend finally, BUT she just posted on her story "going crazy this summer bc i'm manifesting a babygirl next year." Like HUH? You cannot keep a job, you dont even help your mom with rent and you want to have a 2nd kid already? For WHAT? You aren't even a good mother to your first! The father wants to take him for custody! Makes me want to shake her by the shoulders ugh. Now I know when I tell her shes definitely going to try it again. I rarely see her and we arent technically that close, so I could hide this for as long as I wanted tbh. AITA? or are my fears valid?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Ok_Promise_4658 on 2025-06-26 23:10:56.

I have a situation that may seem minor, but I’d still like an outside perspective. My fiancée (23F) and I (23M) deeply value communication and transparency, though we sometimes fall short. Her birthday is coming up in two and a half weeks, and today we had our first detailed conversation about it. Coincidentally, my summer vacation lands right before her birthday (for two weeks), and I planned to take her actual birthday off too.

The issue is a classic one: in-laws visiting. She let me know that her mother will be staying with us for five days (ending on her birthday), her father for three, and her grandparents for two. These plans were made without consulting me. I immediately felt “off” about it—not because I dislike her family (I love them and enjoy their company), but because of the length and lack of communication. I couldn’t help but view it hypocritically: in the past, she’s been very clear that my three siblings shouldn’t stay longer than three days. I understood and respected that boundary.

I’m someone who struggles with mental health and needs space to recharge. The only people I can be around without stress are my fiancée and siblings. Her mom, while lovely, is high-energy and very ADHD—traits that often clash with my anxious and introverted nature. It’s not a matter of liking or disliking anyone; it’s about mental stamina.

When I told her that five days felt long, she didn’t seem to acknowledge my feelings. I then expressed that I wished she had discussed it with me first. I said I’d prefer if her mom could stay for just three days. She replied that it wouldn’t be appropriate to change the plans now, as it would be rude to her mother. I brought up the precedent with my siblings—how we had communicated and compromised—but she said the situations weren’t comparable. Her view is that my siblings are teens/preteens who want to spend time with her, while her mom is there primarily for her. I agreed they aren’t identical, but still felt the broader point stood: extended houseguests increase stress, especially in our small home.

The conversation began to stall. I made one final plea to shorten her mom’s stay, and she said that since it’s her birthday, I should “meet her in the middle.” I pointed out that nothing had changed—there had been no compromise or middle ground—so I’d essentially just be ignoring my own needs. She reiterated that the plans were made and she wouldn’t change them. At that point, I felt frustrated and emotionally drained, and I went to another room to cool off and type this post.

I realize this isn’t a massive issue—five days is not weeks or months—but I still feel frustrated, unseen, and confused. I’m open to being wrong here, or to having overlooked her perspective in the way I feel she overlooked mine. I just want some outside input on what feels like a trivial matter from the outside, but is a real source of emotional tension from where I’m sitting. Thank you.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Acrobatic-Wave2759 on 2025-06-26 23:04:28.

I (23f) attended the wedding of my sister Lily (27f). Of course, since I had an event, I had to get a massive breakout. So I had 8 star pimple patches on my face. They were covering juicy zits. My sister didn't say anything during her wedding but afterwards she said I looked ridiculous. She said pimple patches are not appropriate for a wedding. I don't know if she preferred seeing juicy zits under makeup. I don't know if I could have done better. Am I the asshole ?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/WillingBus5856 on 2025-06-26 22:50:23.

so here’s the background: after a shitty and long friendship where my “friend” was constantly disrespectful of me and feeling entitled to me and others, introducing me to creeps and more, she dumped me after i wouldn’t drop her off at her hookups house an hour away for free.

now she has been harassing me online by texting my friends and boyfriend as well as posting about me spreading false or twisted claims and having the balls to call me manic or crazy. she does this to all of her ex boyfriends too. she doesn’t have any friends anymore.

i called her mom and explained and she told me that they had a physical fight and that she has also been harassing members of her family, and that she is going to the hospital soon (not sure if she’s actually going to send her)

she moved out with her hookup and i know she is holding him hostage because he feels obligated to care for her, since she won’t keep a job or go to school. my cousin informed me that you aren’t allowed to move people in without telling the landlord. basically i want to call the landlord and tell him so she gets kicked out. she has been embarrassing, slandering and harassing me and has done this 100 times over. it’s either this or file a misdemeanor on her in court, which doesn’t even give her the chance pull herself out. also, if she has to move back home this basically guarantees she will go to the hospital. she is manic or having some kind of mental crisis. WIBTAH?

edit: also, is it better or worse to get her kicked out or to press a charge? i think kicking out is better because i know for a fact the guy she lives with is providing literally everything for her and thinks she will just die if he kicks her out. also, if she is at home her mom will 100% send her to the hospital. i don’t know if her mom knows where she lives or if she is even going to do it at this point. if i take her to court her poor mom will be needing to drive her to and from every week or so and it’ll make it harder for her to get a job (even though she can’t hold one)

edit 2: this has happened so many times. first time i remember was she and her boyfriend we met through broke up. she downloaded multiple fake number apps, made over 50 emails and blew up his phone for about 3 consecutive weeks. she took me with her to go to his house “to get my stuff back” and proceeded to fall to the floor sobbing in the living room begging his mom to have him come down. her dad does similar things, like sobbing begging her mom not to leave him, harassing people online etc.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Old_tshirt72 on 2025-06-26 22:21:28.

*WIBTA If I don’t tell them

I’m in the early stages of “recovering” from a hugeee drinking problem. I’ve been working with my therapist and although I’ve improved a TON, I still drink a little every day.

I’ve never been to AA, as I haven’t found a group that completely cuts out the religious aspect (the southern US, what can ya do) but as I said I’ve worked a LOT with my therapist, so I’m not trying to do this by myself. My friends & family are aware & supportive.

So, I don’t know if it’s just the shame/guilt/trauma talking, but if I still drink 1-2 drinks almost every day, do I need to disclose this to a stranger that might move into my apartment?

ETA: i don’t think I should live with someone who drinks heavily, so I would want to know this info. However it’s very personal so I don’t know if I would be an AH for wanting to know beforehand either?

It seems like a thin line between being invasive and also being important info for someone you live with to be aware of

ETA2: i don’t know how you get diagnosed as an alcoholic other than recognizing unacceptable behavior while drinking. My abusive ex is the only one that ever called me an alcoholic, and I do not take that accusation lightly, so I have been treating my unhealthy habits as addiction.

I have gone 1-2 days without drinking, or even wanting a drink recently. It’s a new development to not want a drink, but I would rather treat this as alcoholism than act like I don’t have a problem at all