this post was submitted on 31 Oct 2023
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[–] [email protected] 95 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Humans used to be so fucked up.

We still are, but we used to be too.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 years ago

What's fucked up about chaining up a corpse. Of course it doesn't help anything but there is also no harm in it.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 years ago

Someone once asked me if I’d like some glacier-covered land in Alaska. I said “no, but I would like some non-glacier-covered land in Alaska later, so yeah”

[–] [email protected] 67 points 2 years ago (2 children)

so what I'm hearing is that it worked.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Good day Sir. I have excellent merchandise to sell for you. My anti-tiger rock is guaranteed to keep all your tigers away! Please send money to this address! THANK YOU

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 years ago

thank you, but my current anti-tiger rock fulfills my present needs, and has the bonus of keeping other large members of the order felidae at a comfortable distance, too.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 years ago

Then you require my tiger summoning slab of raw meat. If you combine that with the magic rock you will create a perpetual motion machine

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 years ago (1 children)

But now it is released... 2024 - vampires...

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Idk we have barely started the aliens arc.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (2 children)

It's all gonna come all at once, vampires, aliens, fungi, zombies, trump...

[–] TacoThrash3r 2 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

In a world with two brothers....

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 years ago
[–] [email protected] 44 points 2 years ago (2 children)

The remains date from an era that viewed ghosts, zombies and other supernatural entities as being as real as humans.

I am so glad that 95% of the human race no longer believes in the supernatural and never supports organized religion.

Tiring day, can't wait to get home and watch shows that are educational that totally don't speculate about ancient aliens or hunt ghosts.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 years ago (1 children)

All I'm saying is... Science can't prove vampires don't exist.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 years ago

Or that you should give me 20 bucks ;)

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Time and energy vampires are real.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 years ago (1 children)

A combination of both is called work😞

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 years ago

Even if it’s just a draining family member.

[–] [email protected] 36 points 2 years ago (1 children)

And they just unlocked it and let it out?! Goddamnit!

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 years ago (1 children)

its probably a hiding vampire bat waiting to release covid-20

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 years ago

Wouldn't it be COVID-23 now? Or does the bat go back in time and release another deadly virus during 2020? Oh god...

[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Noooo...you must not read from the book!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago

Klatu, Verata.... Ni-humlenhdkidpwkehehkamajhen

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Humans believing in fantasy beings to the point of murder...how dumb...

...wait a minute...

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 years ago (1 children)

From what I can tell in the article the kid wasn't murdered? Or did I miss something

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Yeah, it just sounds like the kid died and this was a burial rite precaution.

I think the person above you just read the headline and made an assumption.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago

Maybe he thought the kid was to be a snack for the vampire

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 years ago

Santa Slayer!

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 years ago (1 children)

“Look it might be a waste of a lock, but I don’t want some vampire kid killing me. Don’t let your last words be, ‘I should have listened to Jeeeeeeff!’”

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 years ago

“It’s pronounced Jeff”

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 years ago (1 children)

This is the best summary I could come up with:


A 17th-century child's remains were found padlocked to a grave in Poland - an act that is thought to be been to stop him rising from the dead.

Archaeologists uncovered the body of a six- to seven-year-old buried facedown with a triangular iron padlock under its foot.

It is believed the body, found in the northern village of Pien, was buried facedown and padlocked to the grave because of ancient supernatural beliefs in vampires.

The find was reported to have come from the same site as a year ago it was announced the remains of a woman had been discovered with a sickle around her neck and a triangular padlock on her foot.

The child was likely buried facedown to keep it from sitting up and exiting the grave to feed on living people, he added.

The child's bones date from an era that viewed ghosts, zombies and other supernatural entities as being as real as humans.


The original article contains 348 words, the summary contains 157 words. Saved 55%. I'm a bot and I'm open source!

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 years ago

I’m just imagining a vampire waking, then sticking its butt up in the air in an attempt to sit up. Then cartooning question marks coming out in its confusion

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Cool. I'm down for that when I die

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago

A new market has appeared! Monetize! Monetize! Monetize!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 years ago

I wonder if this was somewhat common or if his parents were just realllly afraid of vampires.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago (1 children)

He didn't rise from the dead, did he? We have no way of knowing how many times he tried.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 years ago (1 children)

It could be fun to have a corpse accidentally buried with an iphone then someone recovers the iphone and it’s listing steps from the corpse trying to rise

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 years ago

I want to be buried in a staged scene with a broken coffin lid and posed as if I'm clambering up through the dirt.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 years ago

The headline is somewhat ambiguous, and seems to imply that the child was chained there to prevent a vampire buried below from rising. Knowing the child was the supposed vampire makes this a little less grim, because I was picturing some poor kid with his leg shackled to a headstone and left to die.