this post was submitted on 23 Oct 2023
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Lemmy Shitpost

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all 36 comments
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[–] [email protected] 66 points 10 months ago (3 children)

I guess cry profusely after sex because I never get any

[–] [email protected] 21 points 10 months ago

Same

Option may as well have been "lose an eyelash every time you get elected president of Uzbekistan"

[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Same! Virgins ASSEMBLE 💪

😭

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago

... at a brothel

[–] [email protected] 44 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (2 children)

Green

I can handle being the weird dude that takes super loud shits in public bathrooms. That'll just make people leave me alone.
I can't handle making my girlfriend feel like shit every time we're intimate. That would be debilitating to our relationship.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

I'd take *red, easy. I'd just explain that it's just a thing that happens once and I'd be set.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago (1 children)

also like.. many people already live with it lmao

the absolute state of people's digestive health

[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago

Whoops I meant red. I'd explain the crying thing to my wife once and be done with it.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Green will quickly result in having no girlfriend though, unless you come up with some scheme to allow you to never poop in the same building as her.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago

Or you explain it

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

I don't mind a bit of construction work. Wouldn't be hard to tear down the drywall in the bathroom and pack the stud walls with Rockwool soundproofing insulation. And also swap the door out for a double-thickness solid core sound-deadening door with a sealing sweep. That's like a couple weekend's worth of work max.

Also she is an absolute saint and would probably be fine dealing with it to stay with me.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 10 months ago (1 children)

So seither i embaress myself everytime i shit or nothing happens?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Embarrass? Dominate your dook dome. Yell with a nice, themly yell that says to everyone "that's a shit that's gonna take at least one flush"

[–] [email protected] 23 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

that's my superpower.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I already scream when I poop. It's not that big of a deal.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Wife in the other room: Are you ok!?

Me: Just prayin'

[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago

ooAAAAAAAAAAA we're halfway there

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

livin on a prayer

[–] [email protected] 16 points 10 months ago

Poop scream would be fun.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 10 months ago

Green.

There are ways to dampen and quiet down the screaming.
Since you probably always poop alone, you can use external tools and no one will know.

So green can with experimenting and time lead to almost no side effects.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Wait, you’re telling me poop screams aren’t normal?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago

That's just Tuesday for my cat

[–] [email protected] 13 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Red

Added bonus: I'll never cry.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Sometimes i wonder whether people are just joking or if there are really so many sex starved people out there.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago

The absolute state of the people in this thread

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago

There's a lot of us. Extreme shyness and such. Doesn't matter how cute and handsome you are, if you're too chickenshit to go talk to the girl smiling at you from across the bar. It's also difficult to know if she's really into you, she could just be Canadian. :D And then you have all the incels whom I really don't understand. But they have a whole subreddit, if you wanna go take a dip in the cesspool.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 10 months ago

I don't remember clicking those both buttons at the same time ... :|

[–] [email protected] 9 points 10 months ago

What if I already do this?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago

Happy feast of Winter Veil!

[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago

Lol crying during sex can be cathartic

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago

So I only need to do one of these anymore? Thats improvement

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago
[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago