this post was submitted on 10 Oct 2023
586 points (92.7% liked)

internet funeral

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[–] [email protected] 159 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Dear Medical Team:

Please send me an up-to-date itemized medical bill. If possible, coordinate with my family on my current amount of medical debt and send that across as well. This will help me determine whether or not I even want to wake up.

Yours sleepily,
comatose ryan

[–] [email protected] 93 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (2 children)

Don't worry, medical care is now government funded in the real world! The taxes you paid prior to falling into a coma covered you.

This is in no way a ploy to get you to wake up so we can put you in the medical work camp because you owe us 17 million dollars.

With love, Kind and gentle Medical industries inc*

*A fully owned subsidy of Nestlé

[–] [email protected] 42 points 10 months ago (3 children)

The horror lies in the final sentence

[–] [email protected] 9 points 10 months ago

Honestly the second sentence may be redundant given how hard the last one hits thinking about it now.

But people like it so it will stay the way it is!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Amazon is already venturing into the medical field.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

Got that Amazon Prime Healthcare+ subscription: All ambulance rides are free, but the subscription costs you $999 per month

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago

17 ~~m~~billion dollars

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago

I don't understand. Itemized medical bill? Do they make you pay for healthcare in your dream world?

[–] [email protected] 51 points 10 months ago

Just 5 more mins

[–] [email protected] 50 points 10 months ago (2 children)

I know im not dreaming because if I were, i would be constantly being stuffed by a huge dong every hour.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Who says that you can't make your dreams reality?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago

God, apparently

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago

Not after some practice

[–] [email protected] 42 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I asked to be woken up when September ends. It's October 10th. You're late.

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[–] [email protected] 36 points 10 months ago

I fuckin wish this was all a dream

[–] [email protected] 33 points 10 months ago (1 children)

No repercussions for my actions, you say?

[–] [email protected] 11 points 10 months ago (1 children)

The dream has all the same repercussions within, unless you're able to wake up... but you can't wake up.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 10 months ago

Don't tell me how to dream!

[–] [email protected] 25 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Implying you're rich enough that they would keep the life support equipment plugged in for 20 years. It's definitely a trick of some kind. Maybe there are limited slots in the Matrix and someone wants to kick you out so it can be their turn.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)
[–] [email protected] 21 points 10 months ago

Why is this post just a black picture?

[–] [email protected] 18 points 10 months ago

...nah I'm good

[–] [email protected] 18 points 10 months ago

Depends, is Harambe still alive in your world? If not, no deal.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 10 months ago (1 children)

This explains a lot. I don't know how to wake up though, and I'm unwilling to leave a solid life that I've built here in my dream to enter some reality where I've been asleep for 20 years, will have massive health issues, and will certainly be destitute and broke. So if you're reading this, I'm doing well. Thanks for the concern, but I'm going to stay asleep. Cheers!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

I struggle with mental health issues and a lot of the time I think I'm not okay at all and want to escape myself.

Then a scenario like this comes up and I'm surprised to find out I wouldn't want to wake up? Even if it's only been a few weeks in "real life", and I'd have no long term sequela from the coma, I'd still want to stay.

Good sign I guess?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago

It's a sign that you recognize the good things in your life, even when faced with challenges. So yeah, good sign!

[–] [email protected] 16 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

Nah thanks... this dream is crazy I have to see how it ends... so many new plots every week.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago

please wake up.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Eh, I prefer the soft drink version.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Where can I buy this, Margot Robbie?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago

Omega Mart (it's an art installation disguised as a grocery store filled with weird products in Las Vegas, pretty cool place.)

[–] [email protected] 14 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Been trying for 20 years, this world is shit. Just pull the plug. The trauma I have here is way to extreme.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago

If Miles O'Brien can endure it, then so can you.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 10 months ago

I swear if you don't pull the damn plug I'll sue your asses to hell and back.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 10 months ago

So that explains why the most valuable companies have been doing the same thing over and over for 20 years with small tweaks. My dream-self is not that creative.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

I'm so tempted to try to wake up, but I'd lose my fucking mind if I woke up suddenly without my wife and daughter. Pull the plug.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

⬆️ this right here. Y'all go on without me; I'm having a good dream.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 10 months ago

Thanks for reaching out. I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 10 months ago

You wont fool me twice, I know why I left.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Wake me up when September ends

[–] [email protected] 9 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago

Bruh hit tht snooze button for 1 year

[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Reminds me of 'The Sting' Futurama episode.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago

Don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo.

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago

I love this.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago

Why would I want to do that, I'm in this dream for a reason

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