Image of a ‘Daily Mail’ news headline, which reads:
“Coronavirus simulation shows a single cough can spread Germans across two supermarket aisles.”
A render of several supermarket aisles from a birds-eye-view is attached, which small coloured dots in the air representing germs.
Reddit/Lemmy simulation shows a single mention of Germany can spread germans across a whole Kommentarsektion
Diese Kommentarsektion ist nun Eigentum der Bundesrepublik Deutschland.
𝕯𝖎𝖊𝖘𝖊 𝕶𝖔𝖒𝖒𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖆𝖗𝖘𝖊𝖐𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓 𝖎𝖘𝖙 𝖓𝖚𝖓 𝕰𝖎𝖌𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖚𝖒 𝖉𝖊𝖗 𝕭𝖚𝖓𝖉𝖊𝖘𝖗𝖊𝖕𝖚𝖇𝖑𝖎𝖐 𝕯𝖊𝖚𝖙𝖘𝖈𝖍𝖑𝖆𝖓𝖉
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”. In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kom tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
The news brought to you by Monty Python.
Nah, the wind is blowing from a different direction.
https://openlibrary.org/books/OL17409777M/Fom_Winde_ferfeelt
For context, in this book, "missed by the wind" (which kinda sounds like gone with the wind) the author introduces a change to the language in every chapter, making it easier every time. And he succeeds. Highly recommend.
Thank you for making me laugh.
Another symptom of German spreading is multiple postings of fish memes in international communities instead of being limited to ich_iel.
Mmmm... Fischmemen.
Also ich wusste von Fisch memes in ich_iel aber nicht außerhalb. Verdächtig 🥸
It’s called a Blitzsneeze.
You only have to worry about the Germans if they’re the AfD strain
Fuck afd
Fuck afd
as a german: can confirm. this is what happens while coughing.
When someone in the supermarket coughs, I (a German) try to get as many aisles away from them as possible, so yes, can also confirm.
In aisle three da steht ein Röööselein, und das heißt Cooorona! 🎵
Germans spread through the use of towels
Diese Kommentarsektion ist fortan Eigentum der Bundesrepublik Deutschland.
Ich_ill :(
It's not a concern as long as they don't spread from the aisles into Poland
Achoo! Gesundheit.
Who coughed in this comment section?
Nobody, it was from the next tread.
𝕯𝖎𝖊𝖘𝖊 𝕶𝖔𝖒𝖒𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖆𝖗𝖘𝖊𝖐𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓 𝖎𝖘𝖙 𝖓𝖚𝖓 𝕰𝖎𝖌𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖚𝖒 𝖉𝖊𝖗 𝕭𝖚𝖓𝖉𝖊𝖘𝖗𝖊𝖕𝖚𝖇𝖑𝖎𝖐 𝕯𝖊𝖚𝖙𝖘𝖈𝖍𝖑𝖆𝖓𝖉
Verstörend.
Germans tend to be pretty heavy build too, pretty severe impact damage. Take cover.
Yes, I saw a German, in the first appearance of Corona, jumping over a shelf, because someone nearby was coughing.
That explains why I keep ending up in the candy section. It's not my fault after all.
Unter dem post hier sind ungefähr etwas mehr als die Hälfte deutsch. Das lobe ich mir.
cough cough
Entschuldigung!