this post was submitted on 10 Oct 2023
1071 points (98.4% liked)

Memes

44949 readers
2899 users here now

Rules:

  1. Be civil and nice.
  2. Try not to excessively repost, as a rule of thumb, wait at least 2 months to do it if you have to.

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
1071
Germans (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 10 months ago by sjmarf to c/[email protected]
 

Image of a ‘Daily Mail’ news headline, which reads:

“Coronavirus simulation shows a single cough can spread Germans across two supermarket aisles.”

A render of several supermarket aisles from a birds-eye-view is attached, which small coloured dots in the air representing germs.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] [email protected] 104 points 10 months ago (5 children)

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”. In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kom tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

[–] jubilationtcornpone 14 points 10 months ago (1 children)

The news brought to you by Monty Python.

[–] kaputt 11 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Nah, the wind is blowing from a different direction.

https://openlibrary.org/books/OL17409777M/Fom_Winde_ferfeelt

For context, in this book, "missed by the wind" (which kinda sounds like gone with the wind) the author introduces a change to the language in every chapter, making it easier every time. And he succeeds. Highly recommend.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 10 months ago

Thank you for making me laugh.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago

I love how it keeps progressing 😭

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 months ago (1 children)

SPRICH (DOCH GLEICH) DEUTSCH, DU HUSO!

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 months ago

Ich weiß nicht, du tust?

[–] [email protected] 0 points 10 months ago

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

Up and included this line it should actually be implemented as reform to all versions of english.