Asklemmy

Pronouns are largely used to refer to people in the third person. As such I will never declare my pronouns because they aren't for me to use, they're for other people to use to refer to me. As such they should use whatever pronouns deliver maximal clarity for the listener.

I will respect others' pronoun preferences because I'm not an asshole, but when people start trying to tell me that I'm being bigoted by not stating my own pronouns, they can fuck off.

If I've never heard anyone else use a specific pronoun for someone new or I otherwise don't know, I try to use they/them. Otherwise I use what others do.

And if someone does let you know that a person/themselves prefer a specific one, always say thanks (you can't be sorry for something you didn't know!) and do your best to remember for next time.

I also try to use genderless terms like "folks" or just "everyone" instead of "guys"

Yes, basically yours are he/him since you don't identify as a different gender.

You only tell people if asked. No one will ask, because there isn't any ambiguity about your gender identity. If you'd like, I've seen many straight cisgendered men put he/him in their profiles as support for the community.

Use your best judgement, most people will go by the gender you assume. If someone corrects you, apologize and use the correct pronouns from then on.

I have one friend that transitioned. She's just a she now. Simple as that.

I have another friend that changed their name. The group I was with was confused on their pronouns, so I just asked them and they told me. Asking what they are shows that you respect them and their decisions.

If you respect people and use the pronouns they request, you shouldn't go wrong.

You kind of don't have to think about it this much. Someone who cares will tell you their preferred pronouns, in which case you'd say he/him then move on with your day

Outside the internet no-one really cares. Inside the Internet only certain bubbles care.

I too, am a straight male. It's actually pretty easy.

It might be a bit of a faux pas when addressing someone as he/him when they prefer something else. Simply, if the mistake is made, they'll correct your assumption (I'm sure they get it all the time, it's not that big of a deal), and tell you their pronouns. Then it's your task, socially, to respect their wish to be referred to by their pronouns. It might seem awkward to refer to someone directly as "they" or "them", but it is grammatically correct, it just sounds awkward to our brains because it's so rarely used as a singular direct pronoun.... direct in the way that you're talking to, or in the presence of that person... but it's perfectly fine and preferred by your friend/colleague/acquaintance or whatever.

For yourself, if you're commonly and most comfortably referred to as he/him, then you have two options: 1. ignore it, and people will assume, or 2. put "he/him" in things like your bio/email signature/about me pages and leave it at that. It doesn't require qualification or context, like "my pronouns are" or something like that, just "he/him" alone in your bio is enough to let people know what you are comfortable with.

Personally, I don't do anything, I let people assume, because I'm unbothered if someone refers to me as he/him/she/her/they/them. All pronouns for me are fine. I'm most commonly referred to as he/him because it's the historically "correct" pronouns, but pronouns are more or less irrelevant to me.

And yes, people do, in fact, prefer they/them. I've met a few, and it feels awkward at first to say "they"/"them", but you get used to it.

Watch Princess Bride. Perfect that "as you wish". With genuine sincerity.

Perfect. You've had a fun movie experience (Inconceivable!) and you now know the perfect way to respond to someone who has asked you or corrected you regarding pronouns.

Pro tip: everyone is they/them until otherwise stated. It sounds counterintuitive until you look at the example of the unknown stranger. You see a jacket left on the back of the a chair, and wonder if the stranger will return. You ask a person nearby, “Do you know who this belongs to? When are they coming back?”

English has always used neutral pronouns for someone unknown to you. We constantly make assumptions about gender based on appearance, and cis people take for granted that our outward appearance matches their gender. My best take on being an ally and inclusive is to default to gender neutral pronouns until someone states it or corrects you.

Most people aren’t going to ask about your pronouns if you present in a traditionally gendered way. If someone tells you their pronouns I think it’s polite to tell them yours too even if you think it’s obvious. It sounds like the way you’ve described yourself that your pronouns are he/him. If you find yourself around a group of queer/trans folks it would probably be contextually appropriate for you to introduce yourself as “My name is and I use he/him.” If you want to go above and beyond and do that all the time nobody will fault you that would benefit or appreciate that information. Some people may be confused or make an assumption but if you want to be an ally that can include taking the brunt of some of those conversations and teaching people why you’re doing it. Makes it more normalized.

You are pretty much always welcome to ask someone’s pronouns if you are unsure. Most trans/non binary folks will appreciate you asking because unfortunately there are a lot of cis hetero men that wouldn’t extend that courtesy or demonstrate that they’re accepting and open like that. As long as you’re respectful just ask “Hey, name, what are your pronouns? Mine are he/him.” and that will be more than sufficient. If you mess up after that do not apologize. Instead, thank them, restate your sentence using the correct pronouns, and move on. Don’t make it a huge ordeal and fall over yourself apologizing. Saying you’re sorry in that situation puts the misgendered person in the position of having to say “it’s okay” when it’s not. Thanking them demonstrates you’re aware that you made a mistake and shows that you are appreciative and trying to learn and do better.

For example: You: “He loves to skateboard.” Other person “they” You: “Right! Thank you. They love to skateboard.” then continue the rest of what you were saying.

Online can be tricky. You only really need to gender someone if they gender themselves. Everyone to me online is they until I see evidence otherwise. It makes your life easier to just be as neutral as possible.

There are definitely people out there that use unconventional pronouns. I’ve only met a few that use something other than they/them but they’re out there. It’s not just a fad or for inclusivity for the sake of it, it’s just rare. In fact there are probably people you’ve met that use they/them but they may not have been comfortable telling you that. It’s understandable, but I think it says a lot about your character that you’re curious and want to do the right thing. Thanks for asking!

Its quite important that you remember what the late Michael Jacksons pronouns were. They were He/He

First off, thanks for asking and wanting to be more inclusive! :)

For your pronouns, you decide. If you typically go by "he/him" you can keep doing that, it's up to you.

Depending on the setting, people around you might all introduce themselves with their prefered pronouns, you can introduce yourself with your pronouns if you wish to whenever though.

Similar to how you might tell people a different name you prefer to go by. So if your given name was Nicholas but you prefere to go by "Nick," you might introduce yourself like, "Nice to meet you, I'm Nicholas, but just call me Nick." likewise, you can say something like, "Nice to meet you, I'm Nick, He/Him"

Online, it's fairly common now to have your pronouns in your profile or bio. Again, it's up to you if you want to put them in your bio or not. Some sites have actual places in the sign up screen or profile page to place your pronouns, it depends on the site/software.

It's rare for people to get offended IRL if you unintentionally mis-gender them. Most people will correct you politely in the same way they might if you called them by an incorrect name. So if you said, "Hey Nicholas, how are your classes going this semester?" they might say, "Oh, you can just call me Nick. Classes are going well so far, how about yours?"

Often people that know them will correct you politely too if you don't know and used the wrong pronouns. I've had it happen a few times over the years and everybody has always been very polite about it. I just quickly say, "oh sorry, my bad." and then just make sure to remember their pronouns going forward.

I personally have some family and friends that use they/them vs she/her or he/him. It's a thing for sure, we all support them and their pronouns. It's not very tough to get used to, and as long as you correct yourself if you make a mistake, nobody will be hurt. It's fundamentally about loving them and being inclusive and supportive.

Your pronouns are whatever you would like to be referred to. Generally someone would either correct you or you would hear the right ones during conversation to learn someone else's. If they outwardly present as a specific gender then I would normally assume (or default to they/them) and just apologize and correct if someone corrects me. Most normal people will take such an interaction in stride without further thought.

In terms of online, people often add it to their profile so you know, or to indicate to others that you respect their choice of pronouns.

Personally, I use they/them until told otherwise. It makes sure I don't offend anyone that way.

From what I've seen so far pronouns are never in question irl although the circles I'm in there are not into that topic and online everyone who sees it as important has their own somewhere in their status or bio or whatever.

Putting them in your profile as a cis person really helps normalize it. So if you want to take another step into ally-dom add em in places like zoom meetings etc.

Personally, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Use what you think is appropriate. If you're unsure, use they/them; if they correct you, adjust accordingly. If you want to be most accommodating, default to they/them for everyone you meet unless they correct you or you learn otherwise. If you'd like others to feel more comfortable providing pronouns, providing your own - even if you believe it is obvious - can be a way to help normalize it for others.

Pronouns are just your preference for what you should be referred to. If you don't provide them people will assume. The logic is that if only people who want to use specific pronouns suggest them, you are essentially outing yourself so even if you associate with your birth pronouns, it's polite to present them so it's less awkward for others.

The actual use is more awkward. The expected use is that you use it when the person in question is discussed but a pronoun isn't really used unless that person is not around so again it seems to just be a polite way to present yourself.

For added context a good use case of announcing pronouns would be a research paper where someone would be described to another person Edit: Ive been made aware about another obvious use case. Talking to people online where you might not have a way to identify any other way

People will sometimes introduce themselves with pronouns, or sometimes wear little badges with them.

There are definitely people IRL who don't use the pronouns one might guess by looking at them. I haven't met many (any?) people who go by neopronouns, but they are around the Internet.

You can often just guess pronouns for people, but if you can't read the gender someone is presenting (is your new friend rocking a kilt, sports bra, and enormous beard?) it might be polite to ask, and/or to use "they" until you get the right one.

You don't have to want people to call you he/him just because you are a man. But he/him is overwhelmingly popular with men, so it's a fine choice.

If there is a field for pronouns, and you want people to know yours instead of them having to guess, you should put yours in there. The other reason to put pronouns in, even if people are likely to guess right, is to exercise the field for the people who often get guessed wrong.