this post was submitted on 29 May 2025
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No Stupid Questions

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I've got no problem with them, but these are obviously kids who grew up in a different age than me, and it shows, I know what could seem a joke to me could come off different to them. Especially this being In the trades and the type of jokes we make here. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable, we're all trying to just get through the day after all

Edit: I have learned, they used to be female, transitioned to male. (So trans-masc? I'm probably messing that up) Lesbian, and non-binary, thankfully they brought it up which was very helpful as I wasn't sure if it was appropriate to ask

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[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 days ago

Yeah... since you are asking, try not to do anything. They're people. They like jokes too.

Of course, all advise given in this thread is valuable, but I mean being overcautious may be the "special treatment" that is there routinely reminding them "oh you're different". They don't need that. Just respect.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 week ago

I’m trans, and have also worked with trans kids. Sometimes outed myself when it was safe - showing young trans men that yes, you can be a man.

It really comes down to “what name and pronouns would you me to call you by?”

If you want to go above and beyond: “would you like me to correct/step in for you if someone calls you by the wrong names/pronouns?” I feel this is a place where adult advocates can have good impact.

“Does your family know/should I use your legal name when talking to your family?”

See the child as a person who deserves dignity and respect, who is in a vulnerable position and does need unconditional support. Which is true for all children. You don’t have to put up a progress flag or wear a rainbow pin - these can certainly be very good things to do - but at the end of the day, just honor the child.

[–] [email protected] 144 points 1 week ago (20 children)

Just start saying 'they' for everyone that's work related. No matter on LGBT status.
Makes it easier to not fuck up.

[–] [email protected] 46 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I already do this with because of how many people I know and work with that have names not exclusively used by men or women.

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[–] [email protected] 109 points 1 week ago (5 children)

Probably wouldn't be a bad idea to do something along the lines of stating upfront that "if anyone in the company does anything to offend you, please report it to the appropriate channels. You'll have our full support. We're here to get work done, not to make people feel bad"

You're not likely going to say by accident something they haven't heard before, or to offend them in a new and novel way, But establishing and occasionally reinforcing the fact that they don't have to tolerate it, that putting up with abuse is not part of their job, and that they have the boss's backing at the same level of the non-LGBTQ employees should they find themselves being abused or offended, would probably go a decent way in minimizing the risk of something actually bad happening.

[–] Mouselemming 109 points 1 week ago (1 children)

"... and if I accidentally say or do something offensive, tell me and I'll try to learn better."

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[–] [email protected] 40 points 1 week ago (2 children)

please report it to the appropriate channels

Telling them that you personally will be there for them is really the only guarantee you can make without blindly relying on third parties to act with compassion. So telling them to come to you so that you can then together go through the rest of the process is imo the better idea. They can always choose to just ignore you, but making them go to some shitty HR office by themselves also sucks.

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[–] [email protected] 91 points 1 week ago (3 children)

You're not a dick for getting someone's pronouns wrong... You're a dick if you intentionally and continuously misgender them on purpose.

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[–] [email protected] 84 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Im trans with over 10 years of experience in the industry

--

There's really not a lot to it. We just want a basic level of respect and empathy. Respect their chosen names and pronouns, and don't ask them random questions about being trans unless they're open to it. Trust them when/if they talk about their experiences, they know more about themselves than you do. Reassure them that their job is a safe space.

Happy to answer any questions.

Edit: if you slip up on name/pronouns, simply apologize, correct yourself, and move on. We know people aren't always trying to be malicious. Hell, my dad still slips up on my pronouns.

[–] [email protected] 62 points 1 week ago (10 children)

Im trans with over 10 years of experience in the industry

The... trans industry? How much does it pay?

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[–] [email protected] 53 points 1 week ago

Treat them like anyone else by default and make accommodations if you need to and it's reasonable.

You're asking with good intentions, but the best answer for any group will always be that. Shit, not even by groups. On a human by human basis just do that, there's a crazy amount of human variation and it's not always obvious.

[–] [email protected] 37 points 1 week ago (5 children)

If you call somebody by their name, you can never mess up their gender.

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[–] [email protected] 37 points 1 week ago

First of all, good for you for asking the question. I think many people are afraid to ask these things even if they want to be respectful and inclusive for fear of coming off as backward or ignorant, but I think asking questions in good faith shows that we're willing to listen and learn.

But most importantly, just treat them with the same respect you'd treat anyone else! Gender identity isn't really that big of a deal, and after you get to know some trans folks you'll come to that realization quickly that they're just regular people!

[–] [email protected] 35 points 1 week ago (5 children)

This is not a comprehensive list, but you should probably avoid talking about your sex life.

[–] [email protected] 54 points 1 week ago (4 children)

good advice for any workplace

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[–] [email protected] 35 points 1 week ago (1 children)

As a trans woman who routinely has to deal with "shop talk" my advice is that since theyre young explain the way that it works to them and let them know how to speak up when shit gets uncomfortable.

Cleaning it up and getting professional and polite would theoretically be great, but the fact is that their career will involve this and if everyone has to clean up their language resentment will build and people will just exclude them. Meanwhile everyone should feel comfortable saying "too far" or "hey you're hitting a sore spot" or even "not cool".

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[–] [email protected] 34 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (3 children)

Honestly, just tell them to let you know, in private if they feel it necessary, if you make them uncomfortable. In general, jokes about people being trans/gendernonconforming are ok, as long as it's not the one "joke" -- identifying as an attack helicopter/dragon/ridiculous things. Pretty much just don't make fun of them for being trans, but it's fine finding humor about their transition, if it makes sense. It's generally pretty easy to tell when someone has a problem with you being trans and is going to be a dick to you under the veil of humor, and when someone is joking around with you. Just make sure they know to let you know if you make them uncomfortable, and tey not to be a dick. The fact that you're asking makes me think pretty much anything you'd consider saying is forgivable at worst.

Edit: I kinda fixated on the joke part, mostly because everything else is pretty simple. If you mess up pronouns or anything like that, don't make a big deal out of it, just correct yourself and move on. They're just another person

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